Personal Anecdote

"I'm in paradise," my friend exclaimed this morning as she lept down the path to the beach to go for a swim. "PARADISE!!"

No, I'm not back in Mexico.

I'm still at my mom's house on the Westcoast of Canada, the house I grew up in. I took a moment from multitasking trying to catch up on emails on my phone while side-eye keeping track of my toddler to pause and watch my friend's pure joy as she jumped in the invigorating waters of Malaspina Straight. It really is beautiful here and I'm so grateful that I'm able to be here for a visit.

More than that, I'm grateful I'm actually able to take the time now to just BE. To be present. To put the phone down. To spent time with my daughter and watching her fascination discovering a new world around her. To witness her relationship with her grandmother blossoming.

And on a much deeper level, I'm grateful to just be with myself. To have a bit of spaciousness. To be amidst the tall trees and the westcoast wilderness smells that heal my soul. To feel joy and gratitude and abundance. To feel loneliness and sadness and grief. All of it.

You see, I didn't used to let myself feel this deeply because I couldn't slow down enough to just BE. I was on some kind of insane fast track and I didn't even realize how little I allowed myself to slow down. I felt anxious and uncomfortable if I wasn't doing anything. Or guilty. It just didn't feel "right."

I had to train myself to truly take time for myself and be present. I still have the tendency to over-schedule and say yes to more than I can realistically do and keep myself distracted by the busy-ness of doing.

Many have commented that the energies have been intense recently. It could be the eclipse and what's going on in that stars. It most likely also has something to do with the tragic event in Charlottesville and the huge cultural wounds, racism and bigotry that have been so blatantly revealed again.

It can be tempting to want to turn away from the discomfort.

I encourage you to find ways in the next week to just be.

To be with yourself and your feelings, whatever might arise.
To be in moments of gratitude.
Moments of noticing.
Moments of divine presence.
Moments of confusion or pain or emptiness.
Moments of whatever.
If this feels new or strange to you, you might want to ask yourself, in one of these quiet moments, "what does it feel like to be me right now?"

I didn't used to think it was paradise here.

I didn't allow myself to feel the beauty of this place because it was still wrapped up in a lot of the pain in my teens years. It wasn't until I fully allowed myself to open up to healing, to slow down and FEEL, and yes, the full range of feelings and emotions, that I truly understood what a gift this presence and place is.

Next week is the last week of August. I'll be revving up and starting to share tips on how to have a supercharged (and sober, if you choose) September. However, I'm not going to rush. I'm committed to inviting this spaciousness and presence over the weekend and into early next week. I invite you to join me in creating these moments for yourself.

xoxo

A week ago today, I felt on top of the world.

I was at the penthouse of the standard, with a 360-degree view of Manhattan. The temperature was perfect, the backdrop of the city-scape was stunning and as if it couldn’t get more perfect, the “strawberry full moon” rose in the horizon as dusk fell.  There was delicious canapes and custom made drinks, and the company was some of the industry leaders in the coaching and online business world.

It was one of the those “pinch me” moments.

I had traveled to NYC to celebrate my mentor’s 5 years in business.

At first, it seemed crazy to travel to New York from Southern Mexico for a party. Yet I knew how much I wanted to be there. It can be really isolating living and working from Southern Mexico and the chance to celebrate someone who had made such an impact on my life while also connecting with inspiring movers and shakers felt really important to me. It felt especially important after such a challenging 6 months, having to scale way back on my business while taking care of my mental and physical health during my separation and transition.

As soon as I set my intention to come - beautiful synchronous connections starting happening. Other women that I love and admire were going to be in the city that weekend, a monthly Goddess Brunch fell on that weekend, one of my first roommates who happens to now live in a super small town in British Colombia was in NY for the first time, I had the chance to connect with current and former clients in meaningful ways.

My schedule was packed yet I was able to take such good care of myself.

This is a far cry from even a few years ago, when I would have crashed and burned after such a stimulating weekend.

I felt so much gratitude that it felt effortless to be present, to soak in all the vibes, to feel authentically confident without needing alcohol to boost my worthiness artificially.

I feel like Selena’s party set the tone for the entire weekend. I couldn’t help but reflect on how different things would have been a few short years ago.

With an open bar and adrenaline-filled setting (for me), I would have been the last one there and the first one volunteering to keep the party going. In fact, I probably would have organized the after-party, as I was prone to do at conferences I had attended in the past.

I would have partied all night and still arrived early to my engagement the next morning. I would have done this to prove that I was “okay” and not a total train wreck. This was all so engrained in my over-achieving personality.

Most of the participants would have been fooled. My raspy voice and slightly glassy eyes might have given something away but only to the trained eye aka fellow over achieving party person.

I would have kept this up, likely all weekend. Running on adrenaline, caffeine, stimulants, and alcohol.

There were certainly physical ramifications, my skin was always breaking out. I was pounds heavier than my natural body weight. I got sick a lot. My sleep patterns were wacky and when I wasn’t drinking myself to sleep, I experienced insomnia.

Spiritually and emotionally, I was suffering. I used alcohol to mask feelings of unlovability and unworthiness, anxiety and depression.

After this incredibly uplifting and inspiring high-vibe weekend, I have had what could have only been described as a major comedown.

As you might have read in my last update, it started when I pulled out my computer on the plane to get caught up with work, and realized that I had the wrong computer! Somehow I had a computer identical to mine, but the username belonged to someone else! It must have been switched at the TSA security point. Worse, this computer was on loan to me while I attempted to fix mine that had been damaged by coffee spilling in my bag.

I had planned to spend several days in Mexico City to complete Luna’s Mexican passport application with Luis, before bringing Luna back to Puerto Escondido with me.

We spent hours at two different passport meetings and in traffic only to have Luna's application rejected TWICE (first time because of an incorrect stamp and second time because of an extra "e" in my name on Luna's Mexican birth certificate which means my name is different on that than on my passport.)

This means that I have to go to another city, the capital of the state in which Luna was born, and there's a series of steps and meetings that end in a meeting in front of a judge to get this paperwork changed (something that we weren't responsible for and hadn't even noticed).

This means extra trips, and the money I spent to change my flights and Luna's after our first application was rejected is effectively down the drain (also if they'd told us Tuesday what they told us at our second meeting Thursday, I would have just gone home and started the next process of fixing her birth certificate, but they didn't tell us that on Tuesday, so we spent these extra days in the city and got another notarized document done that we will now have to do again because it needs to be recent for application.)

Luna projectile vomited on the way to the appointment yesterday, and then again when we got to my ex-inlaws place. Days spent in cars and crowded hot rooms, following a series of unknown steps and only to be rejected, not having any alone time or nature to ground me, and finding my regular self-care practices somewhat elusive has thrown me off-center.

You know what’s amazing to me? The only time I really wanted a drink was when I first realized I had the wrong computer and I rush to tell the flight attendants and they were pouring glasses of red wine. The smell hit me and I thought, that would be so easy.

And yet, here I am. Staying present. Refusing to numb. Drinking chamomile tea when I can. Using my lavender oil(for calming) and cedar wood oil (for grounding). Trying to sleep. Taking a ton of deep breaths. Crying when I needed to. Feeling all the feels. Staying positive and in faith that there are reasons beyond my comprehension right now that this is unfolding this way. Instead of staying in the “why is this happening to me?” disempowered place, reframing into “How is this happening FOR me?”

I’d love to hear from you!

What’s your biggest take away from what I’ve shared? Is there anything in your life that you can reframe into a “How is this happening for me?” question? Is there anything else you’d like to know about how I navigated NYC almost entirely alcohol-free? (Because  I know you want to know - the only wine I had was half a glass of red with dinner when I arrived, a glass of Barolo with a fine Italian lunch, and another glass of red with BBQ during a jazz dinner. That’s it over 5 days and with tons of opportunities to drink!)

xoxo,

Hello hello!

How are you?

I'm dropping you a line from 34,000 feet in the sky! I'm still processing an incredible, soulful, affirming 4 days in New York City.

Something that struck me so clearly was how EASY this trip was. I was able to set intentions and stick to them effortlessly. I was in a series of trigger situations and yet didn't have to spend extra energy or thought around drinking or not drinking or how much. I had a super packed scheduled and yet I honoured my energy levels and self care and am actually heading back to Mexico feeling rested.

While I spend time processing what really worked for me this time and how monumental one of the events was (sneak peak pics below), I thought I would share with you several of the blogs I wrote last year which are most of the "how to" from previous trips to was I used to refer to as "trigger city" - as I learned how to navigate New York City without alcohol, and of course learned so much about myself in the process!

PAST NYC Blogs:
"I got tipsy and I'm ok with that"
"It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To
98% alcohol free in NYC - wanna know how?

I also want to share something crazy that just happened, which I'm also still processing but it's so real for me right now that I can't not mention it!

After thriving my way through my stay in NYC, I am now having one of the biggest "I need a drink" moments that I've had in a long while.

I'm sitting on the plane from NYC back to Mexico, looking forward to getting caught up on work and my blog, and when I reach into my bag I realize that I have the WRONG COMPUTER!!

Somehow going through security I ended up with someone else's computer. I had wandered around, bought some gifts and snacks, and posted photos while at the airport because I knew I'd have 5 hours to work on the plane. So I pull out my computer as soon as we're able and immediately thought - this isn't mine!! But I couldn't allow myself to believe it until I opened it.

WTF. It's not mine. Thankfully this one has the person's name to enter when you try to log on, so I know his name. Mine computer doesn't have my name to log it, because it's not actually mine... It's a computer that was loaned to me when I spilled coffee on my computer and it was damaged beyond repair.

I immediately informed the flight attendants who are calling down to the airport but I probably won't know anything until we land in Mexico City.

I REALLY wanted to buy a drink. Actually, to be honest, I wanted the flight attendants to offer me one. They didn't, and I didn't buy one. I'm sipping on seltzer water, and then ordered a tea.

All I can do now is sit here and breathe deeply and wonder: "why is this happening FOR ME?" It's on repeat.

The woman sitting next to me actually commented on how calm I was while processing this. I then opened up to her and shared a bit of my story... that I was really proud of myself for not drinking given my history. And she said, "Of course. You are so much better off being present and really feeling what's going on rather than avoiding or clouding yourself from the outcome."

And she's so right, of course!! There is nothing I can do in this moment but have faith that it will work out and nurture myself through it. Stay present for the miracles that are surely happening.

Can you all take a collective deep breath WITH ME please? And send prayers that my/my friend's company computer will make it's way back to me and the reason for this happening is so much more awesome than I can even comprehend right now?

I really appreciate it, thanks!

xoxo

Hello!

Earlier this week, I was invited to participate in a traditional temazcal, a pre-hispanic sauna ritual. The adobe hut is circular and heated with volcanic rock. The ceremony is usually guided and the guide takes the participants on a journey of release and purification. The combination of the medicinal herbs in the water used to create steam, the visioning, the chanting and drumming, and teas sipped to hydrate create a powerful experience.

Ours lasted almost 2 hours. Divided into 4 parts, we set intentions during the first quarter, then chanted and released during the second, rejuvenated/integrated during the third and called in love and our visions for the 4th.

The second section was the most intense for me. The heat intensified, the steam was thick with the scent of the herbs and our sweat, the drumming and chanting vibrated my cells and the exertion made me light-headed. At one point I wondered if I could make it to the next break and thought about stepping out early.

However, that was the only time I was aware of my mind wandering. Every other moment was fully devoted, commanded even, by the experience.

When the guide finally called for the door to be opened, the light felt momentarily blinding. I felt my cells tingly as the coolish air caressed my skin and my lungs rejoiced as they filled with oxygen.

A cold-brewed herbal tea was passed around. We were instructed to take a sip and swish it around in our mouths before swallowing.

“Now notice the sensation in your mouth,” said the guide. "How does it feel to drink this liquid? What is the significance for you and your body?"

I was struck in that moment with the importance of mindfulness. Of how I was having this exquisite multi-sensory experience - my senses truly heightened. I felt the cells in my mouth receiving the hydration, the medicinal properties, the tastes, the temperature.

I immediate thought about the work we have committed to here - to Drink Less and Be More.

What if we brought this level of awareness to every sip that entered our body - alcohol or not?

It was one of the most powerful reminders that came to me during this Temazcalli experience. I left feeling recommitted to inviting this mindfulness into my daily living.

To sip with intention. To tune into what I am experiencing at any given moment.

Now, obviously we don't all need to jump into a super hot sauna every time we want to experience that heightened presence and awareness ;)

As Jon Kabat-Zin, one of the leaders in mindfulness research and awareness, writes "mindfulness is about living your life as if it really mattered, moment by moment by moment by moment.”

It’s about asking yourself, what do I really want or need in any given situation?

What is in the interest of my best self?

What does my body/mind/soul really crave right now?

What are some ways that you can bring more mindfulness into your daily life?

How can you use mindfulness as a tool for moderation?

I’d love to hear!

xoxo,