Hi!!

How are you?

A couple of weeks ago in the Redefining Sobriety Immersion program we covered the topic of “releasing shoulds.”

This theme is so important that we dedicate an entire week to it!! It provides the basis for what makes Redefining Sobriety so powerful… eliminating the external noise and stories that don’t belong to us, to get clear on and listen to our intuition.

There are a lot of “should” when it comes to redefining our relationship to alcohol:

  • I “should” quit drinking if I have a problem
  • I “should” want to be sober if I’ve struggled with alcohol
  • I “should” be better
  • I “should” be farther along in my healing
  • I “should” do what my family wants
  • I “should” keep drinking because I’m not an alcoholic and my friends/spouse/family doesn’t think it’s a problem…

In Redefining Sobriety, we learn to get quiet and eliminate the “shoulds” that don’t belong to us. 

You can try this too!

Try writing a list of everything you think you “should” be doing.

Once you’ve written a comprehensive list, get quiet with yourself. As you read over the list, you may ask yourself “whose should is this?” Or, “whose story is this?”

Start crossing anything off of the list that doesn’t belong to you.

It’s entirely up to you to decide your story moving forward.

Another reframe is switching to the words “I could” which helps you feel like it’s an option rather than an obligation, or “I can” which becomes a more empowering statement.

During one of our group coaching calls, I shared how “shoulds” have shown up for me in interesting ways since launching my business.

Of course, there’s some of the obvious “shoulds” that come up when we compare ourselves to other entrepreneurs or coaches.

But something interesting started showing up for me recently as I compared myself to the “sober coaches” out there.

There’s a really incredible community of women out there who championing alcohol-free living. They are bloggers and coaches and writers and podcasters and many share super inspiring and powerful content. I’ve interviewed some of them of my summit and have been interviewed on some of their podcasts.

I noticed a question starting to wiggle its way into my consciousness.

Should I be completely alcohol free? 

Many of these women have stories very similar to mine.

They don’t identify as alcoholics.

They don’t necessarily feel at home in programs like AA.

They are finding alternative paths to recovery and that’s part of what inspires me.

Yet, the difference is that they chose to completely abstain from alcohol.

It started feeling to me to that they are part of this cool club that I wasn’t really allowed in because I still drink.

And that was triggering a deeply imbedded high school era desire to be invite to the popular parties and to fit in.

I started to doubt my decision, my path…

Imagine that – my entire coaching practice was built around providing my community and clients with the options to CHOOSE THEIR OWN PATH and empower them redefine their relationship to alcohol ON THEIR OWN TERMS and here I was questioning the very foundation of that for myself.

Talk about existential crisis!!

That’s why “getting quiet and getting clear” becomes so important. 

Because, the truth is… when I get quiet, and can tune into my inner voice, and get clear, I realize that I actually really LOVE having the option to drink when I want.

I LOVE that I’ve learned to moderate when others said I couldn’t or that’s it’s too hard or impossible.

I LOVE that I have an entire toolkit I use so that I don’t turn to alcohol in times of stress, sadness, loneliness or anxiety.

I LOVE that it’s entirely up to me whether I drink or not, and that I can have an experience like the one I had 2 Fridays ago, without guilt or shame.

Last week, I traveled to Miami for the Institute for Integrative Nutrition’s holistic health coaching conference.

On Friday evening, I had an invitation to join some dear, long-term friends of mine for dinner. They announced in the afternoon that they wanted to treat us to caviar and champagne.

Though I’ve tried caviar before, I’ve never been to a champagne and caviar bar as decadent as this one (ok let’s be real, I don’t actually think I’ve ever been to a “champagne and caviar bar” – ever).

I savoured the entire experience and probably over the course of a couple of hours, drank the equivalent of 2 or maybe 2.5 glasses of delicious high end champagne, while nibbling on toast with chives, crème fraîche and of course, caviar.

It was a luxurious experience and one I was grateful to have.

It was special and I’m so relieved that I don’t have any guilt or shame around my decision to partake.

I enjoyed the taste, the flavours and textures, the effervescence of the bubbly.

I wasn’t chasing a “feeling,” reacting to a trigger, or compromising my alcohol agreement with myself (as you’re probably aware, my personal alcohol agreement includes not drinking when I feel like I “need” a drink, or when I’m feeling triggered aka sad, overwhelmed, lonely, anxious or self-critical, and to stay on the sober side of tipsy and not drink more than 1-2 in a sitting, except for rare and special occasions – this being one of them!)

I still had a great night’s sleep and felt clear and energized for the conference the next day.

The following evening, the conference hosting a “networking “mixer” in a trendy lounge. I navigated an “open bar” with absolute ease, having a glass of water, then one drink and then zero desire to partake any more in the flow of vodka drinks being passed across the bar. I also ordered a martini at the following venue that was so poorly made that I didn’t finish it.

It affirmed for me again that I can choose quality over quantity and prioritize an experience over the effects of alcohol. 

And I did this mostly unconsciously, without fear of sliding back into old ways and overdoing it. Previously, the free flowing booze would have been a trigger, as with the “high performance” expectations of a conference networking event.

What I love about releasing the “shoulds” and stories that don’t belong to us is that we truly each get to decide our own path and are empowered to choose our own experiences. 

Some of my clients and community members choose to live alcohol free because it’s what feels better for them. Others choose moderation, others are very sporadic in their consumption, and others oscillate between the two.

The only “right way” to do this is the way that feels aligned and right for YOU. 

That’s what Redefining Sobriety is all about.

I’d love to hear from you – do you struggle with any “shoulds”? If so, what are they? Are you aware of where the story comes from? I’m happy to help you sift through the shoulds. If you’d like to talk more about how this relates to you, set up your free consultation/call here.

xoxo

ps. As we’re winding up this round of the Redefining Sobriety Online Immersion program, I have a few 1-1 spots opening up. If you are feeling ready for in-depth support to discover YOUR unique path – let’s chat!!