I wasn’t planning on writing to you today.

Then I woke up to the news of Las Vegas.
At least 50 dead and over 400 injured.
A lot of friends and colleagues were in Las Vegas this weekend for an event.
I have other friends who live there. I began searching their names on Facebook to make sure all were accounted for.
Gratefully, everyone I know is safe.
However, I’m still feeling heartbroken.

I’ve been wondering recently when I will have a day without crying. A day when I don’t feel cracked open, raw and exposed.
Either through remembering my own pain and releasing, or by what’s happening in the world, or both. Earthquakes, fires, hurricanes, shootings, nuclear threats, politicians with no regard for human rights… it can be overwhelming.
No WONDER we want to numb sometimes because, well, this shit is hard.

So that’s why I’m here today.

Acknowledging that it’s hard.
Acknowledging that the desire to numb is totally understandable.
In fact, I wanted to numb this weekend, even before I heard about Las Vegas.

So what did I do?
I spent the day out of cellphone range on Sunday.
I played with Luna in the rain.
In the evening, even though I *should* have been doing work, I watched a movie about a woman who was even more troubled than me (Young Adults) – because, well, perspective and escapism.
I put a ton of cedarwood, vetiver, lavender, balance and forgive blends in my diffuser (all grounding, calming and releasing scents).
I made a bigass bowl of popcorn and drank tea.
I gave myself time to cry and permission to ask for a hug.

And this morning, all I could think was THANK GOD I went through the motions of self-care last night because today, the world needs my light more than ever.

As Brene Brown says, “When we numb the darkness, we also numb the light.” Yes, it’s important to take break, to self-nurture, even to distract ourselves from our own thoughts or pain for awhile… but please.
Don’t check out for too long.
Don’t numb the pain.
Feel the pain then fight back with light, with LOVE.

A friend sent me this beautiful “yoga for disaster” video yesterday.
She said she thought of me after the earthquakes and that it would be helpful for me.

This morning as I finally opened the link, all I could think was that Adrienne must have been guided by some divine intuition to send this video yesterday for all those who would need it today.

Even just the first few minutes of the meditation helped me feel soother. Now more than ever, I am grateful that I knowhow to take time for my own healing, to fill my own cup so that I can share, to shine more brightly to help illuminate the path for others.

As Lao Tzo wrote, “If you want to awaken all of humanity, the awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have is to give that of your own self transformation.” 

To me, “eliminating” doesn’t mean ignoring or hiding or disavowing. It means allowing ourselves to see, and feel and deal and heal all parts of ourselves, without numbing or running or faking.

How can you do that for yourself today?
How can you nourish yourself?
What will help you self-soothe or release?

If you are feeling alone or overwhelmed or unsure of how to cope, please reach out. Now is not the time to suffer in silence.

Sending big big love,