I choose ME.
This is what I’ve written in my journal every day this week.
These are not words that come easily to me (up until now).
People pleasing, perfectionism and addiction to attention are habits that are hard to let go of.
A few mornings ago, I sat and cried and cried.
I should have been happy. Or so I thought. The night before I had spoken up for myself, asked for care and respect, and had set a boundary. All empowering things. Yet it also felt incredibly vulnerable.
There was part of me that wondered – what if I ask for this and then the person doesn’t follow through? Will the pain of let-down and betrayal be too much to bear?
When I later said “no” to a situation that would have disavowed my desire to feel special and cherished, I “should” have felt proud. And part of me did.
Part of me also felt completely raw and exposed and I woke up the next morning feeling like my security blanket had been ripped off.
Part of me wanted to go running back into that situation, abandoning myself for that temporary hit of validation, acceptance and comfort.
Part of me felt overcome by loneliness and uncertainty.
Part of me knew that it was the right choice, and that there is no going back.
Part of me knew that this was an important step in the direction of not settling for less than I deserve (to be treated with exquisite love, kindness, respect and reverence).
Here’s the thing… all of these parts of me, are ME.
As I sat down to journal the morning after this happened, I welcomed all these parts of me. I gave each part a page.
And then I started tapping (practicing EFT). First I tapped on the sadness, and loneliness and surprising confusion that I was feeling. Then I was able to move into feeling proud of myself and the stand I had taken. Finally, I felt an overwhelming sense of love for myself. Love for the me of today, sometimes still in this messy middle of transformation and love traveling all the way back to 15-year-old me who was already abandoning herself and had based her sense of okay-ness on what other people thought of her and whether or not she was “chosen.”
As I wrapped up my morning practice, the following words came to me: Choosing me isn’t lonely, choosing me IS love.
This is what practicing Emotional Freedom does.
It helps give a voice to the unconscious.
It gives me an outlet to express challenging emotions that I might normally suppress.
It is a tool that helps release the shoulds.
It honours and creates space for ALL the parts of me.
I am so grateful to have this practice literally at my fingertips. I have benefited so much from the technique that I have decided to get certified and am currently enrolled in a mentorship program.
If you haven’t yet joined the FREE “Self-love and liberation” group on FB – now’s your chance!!
I had a bad cold and then Luna came down with several infections but we are both back in health and I’m ready to get to tapping party started this week!
I will be hosting one live tapping session per week (to start) as well as sharing recordings and other resources for daily self-love and liberation.
Let this be a way that YOU can start choosing YOU.
Another way you can CHOOSE YOU is by coming to one of two of the transformational retreats happening in early-ish 2020 (what a way to ring in the new year, right!?)
Lucir 4.0, our signature self-care extravaganza, is happening Feb 23rd to March 1. All the details here.
Shortly after, my client turned friend and collaborator Erin and I will be hosting the first ever QUEER RETREAT!!
Here’s what Erin recently had to say about the “why” behind QR:
Two years ago, I met *MY PEOPLE* at a retreat in Mexico. A retreat that didn’t look like it was for me as a non-binary human married to a lady, but I took a chance on because at least one facilitator was queer herself (I wouldn’t be *completely* alone). I had no idea how powerfully transformative and deeply connecting retreats could be. Not only did I leave the first retreat completely changed from the inside out, but I met some of my best friends.
Shortly before attending my second retreat with Caitlin Padgett and Terri McLellan Cramb (when this photo was taken), I asked Caitlin “What if we created retreats that actually *do* cater to queer people? Retreats where people could say ‘wow, this IS for me!’ or ‘I wouldn’t be the only queer person!’ And where the topics and activities were specific to the wants and needs of the LGBTQ community?” With her “Hell yes, let’s do it!” Queer Retreats was born.
We are super excited about our first retreat in March. I cannot wait to share the beauty of Puerto Escondido and the magic of Caitlin as a co-facilitator and coach with people in my queer community.
Here’s just a little bit of what you can expect if you join us:
✦ Travel to a breathtakingly gorgeous place that is warm and welcoming to queer folk.
✦ Enjoy time with kind, kindred spirits who really “get” you.
✦ Enjoy self-care rituals and practices (including mindset/movement and ayurvedic practices) that have been created specifically for you as a queer person.
✦ Feel at home in your body, unguarded and fully expressed.
✦ Have a beautiful, deeply enjoyable time in a safe, supportive environment.
We want to emphasize that the retreat is open to *anyone* who identifies as LGBTQ. We still have accessible prices and payment plans accessible!
Message me ASAP for more info on either of these retreats!!
I’d also love to know – how does ‘choosing you’ resonate with you? Does it feel triggering? (I ask because this is a big topic in our current Redefining Sobriety Online Immersion program and I know that prioritize self is really hard for a lot of women)
Can you relate to anything I’ve shared above? Can you commit to one action for yourself this week?