How are you? How was your weekend?
I’m super excited to share a new video on youtube that includes an interview with yours truly – but first, I wanted to quickly tell you a story about facing my fears and how this conversation came to fruition.
10 days ago I traveled to Cancun for the Nomad Summit, a global summit bringing together remote workers and people how live a location-independent lifestyle (or want to). The original intention for going what to do research and connect with potential client and investors for the retreat center and co-working/co-living concept we are developing here in Mexico. I really didn’t plan on going with a focus on my work with Redefining Sobriety.
I quickly saw that almost the entire event (with the exception of a day-long conference-style series of presentations on Saturday) was structured around alcohol.
Friday night – meet up for happy hour! Saturday night – meet up after the conference for more drinks at a bar where we’re secured drink discounts for you! Sunday – 4-hour afternoon pool party with free tequila! Sunday night – another bar with great discounted drinks!!
There was a networking event scheduled on Sunday, right after the pool party. I had been feeling like I hadn’t really connected with as many people as I’d wanted to during the event, and I felt it was important to go. The networking event gave everyone who wanted to the chance to get up and pitch their work to the entire group.
When it came time to do so, I felt so much resistance. As I listened to person after person pitch their work, I could feel myself shrinking. It wasn’t because I felt “lesser” then the people who were presenting, to the contrary, I realized I had been running my business for a lot longer than most of the people sharing about their work.
No, it was something deeper than that. I realized that many of the people in the room had been in the pool party and might be tipsy, and I knew for a fact there was at least one downright drunk person sitting right in front of me (he legit got “lost” later in the evening, there was a whole conversation in the group chat about helping him find his way back to his shoes, shirt and… his wife).
The feeling that came up reminded me of high-school – when I so desperately wanted (needed) to fit in. These were not my usual conference peeps (I tend to go to events focused on women, self-development and/or health). There were a lot of “bros” in the room, and I had been very aware of their masculine energy and jock vibes all weekend (this was also very likely a projection of mine, based on old trauma… because since this experience, I have been met with nothing but support and encouragement from the people in the room). In my hometown, the athletes reigned supreme. Getting approval from them (ie getting invited to their parties, getting to date or even have sex with them was considered an essential badge to earn your acceptance). Holy crap!! I didn’t even KNOW this was still a trigger for me.
I also felt SUPER self-conscious. Because the event was right after the pool party, I had put on my shirt overtop of my wet bathing suit. I hadn’t thought to bring a change of dry clothes or a bra. I looked down and the area around my bikini top was wet, so it looked like I had two big circles highlighting my breast. This also triggered the high school girl in me… because our physical traits were always fair-game for loud appraisal or critiques.
Finally, the empath in me was worried that people would think I was judging them!! Because they had just come in from a drinking-focused activity, that somehow I would make them feel bad about their choices by talking about my work with Redefining Sobriety.
So yeah, talk about a conflicting set of emotions!
This kept me paralyzed until almost the very end of the event. Yet I knew that I would regret not speaking up. I took a few deep breaths and stood up. If you’re interested, you can see part of my pitch here.
Ultimately, I’m so grateful that I faced my fear and later had the opportunity to learn more from my triggers. At least a dozen people have reached out to me privately since the Summit (about 10% of the number of attendees – that says something!), and several came up to me immediately after the networking event.
One of those people was Tori Landry, who recently started a YouTube channel all about facing her fears! She opened up to me about how she had realized that her drinking was out of control sometimes and yet she was really afraid of cutting back on alcohol. She asked if she could interview for a new episode on her channel, and the result is this fun collaboration. I would LOVE if you could check it out and share with anyone you think might be interested. It would be great to bump up this video on YouTube’s algorithm so that even more people can watch it.
In the video, I also reference a guide with one-liners that you can use when talking to people about your decision to cut back on drinking. Since you are already subscribed to my list, I won’t want you to have to opt-in again! You can download the pdf here.
Finally, I wanted to share that there are many reasons I am grateful for this experience. Not only was it an opportunity to connect with some amazing people who are wanting to make similar changes (or already have) but it was also an opportunity for me to see that my inner teenager still needs some love and compassion. This has been a big topic in the past two weeks in the Redefining Sobriety Online Immersion program and you know what they say, you teach what you need to learn (or be reminded of).
I also hope that by sharing this with you , you’ll feel a bit more “normal” if you’re feeling scared of speaking up about the changes you want to make or feeling triggered. You are certainly not alone in having complicated feelings around your drinking and how you relate to others or they relate to you. If this is something you’d like to chat more about, please feel free to reach out.
