My inner child has an invitation for you
My mom recently sent me this picture. It was taken almost 30 years ago - on the “Playa Principal” in Puerto Escondido.
When I saw it, I felt like a missing piece of my internal puzzle suddenly appeared and helped weave my inner fabric together a little more closely.
No wonder I am so in love with this place.
She’s always been a part of me.
No wonder I came here to heal.
This is where my inner child is free.
No wonder I feel more at home in my body here than anywhere in the world.
Just look at that child and her pure joy.
Somehow, along the way, I lost my connection to her. I became so driven, so ambitious, so committed to perfection and to success… the only way for her to play was when alcohol allowed her out of the cage momentarily.
The following picture was taken in 2009.
I was on a retreat in a different part of Mexico, and it was here that I finally was able to reconnect with that inner child in a healthy way. This was a pivotal experience and so transformative that it set many wheels in motion...
I was living on the other side of the world (in Cambodia) working in an incredibly demanding job and yet I knew… I had to find a way back here. A way back to myself.
Within a year and a half I moved my life back across the world. I came back to Mexico to heal, to get to know myself again, to let that child free, love learn to love my body... I decided to stay for a year because, having left my career, I really didn't know what I was going to "do." I just knew I needed to "be" here.
That was 5 years ago.
And I'm still here. Wholly, fully, beautiful, imperfectly me.
Now - my heart, soul, inner child and I are so excited and honoured to invite you to come here too.
Come to Lucir: a retreat experience next March 2017.
Lucir means to illuminate, to shine brightly, to enlighten with knowledge… to light up in celebration.
We will be doing all of that AND MORE.
I’ve come to learn, through my own healing journey and now supporting dozens of women on theirs - that finding true compassion and love for your inner child is essential.
Peeling back the layers and facing the pain, disillusionment, sadness and loss is also essential.
It’s about facing the darkness in order to find the light.
That’s what we’re doing with Lucir. We’re creating that beautiful, safe and sumptuous cocoon for you to go deep and become free.
But don't worry, it's not heavy work.
It's nurturing, fun and playful.
Yes, there will be quiet time for rest and reflection.
Yes, there will be "releasing" rituals to help you let go of what no longer serves you.
And it's also a lot more simple than it seems.
It’s about releasing your duties, obligations, responsibilities and “shoulds” so that you can get reacquainted with your inner child and as such, shine your light more brightly.
Our inner kid, like all kids, needs our undivided attention to grow and thrive.
When was the last time you were able to bring your full, loving attention to yourself?
It’s about understanding what divine and exquisite self-care truly feels like so that you can take these practices with your own personal blueprint to integrate once you arrive back home.
Know that you are ready and you are deeply wanted on this journey of like spirited women.
We’re already almost 50% sold out. We've extended the 15% discount until the end of the week (Dec 2) so don't delay!
All of the info about the experience is right here.
If you have any questions, please email me asap at [email protected].
Can't wait to play,
xoxo
How to thrive a holiday
With American Thanksgiving this week and Christmas holiday season around the corner, here are some of my top tips on how to not only survive, but thrive, through any holiday.
Practice Gratitude!!
It’s called a practice for a reason - it’s something to which we need to dedicated conscious time. Set aside some time in the morning of Thanksgiving to write in your journal. Start each sentence with the words “I am happy and grateful for…”
You may list things that are already true in your life, and gratitude for your future self and your dreams coming true.
If your family or the people you celebrate with do not already have a tradition of going around the table and sharing gratitudes, why not start that tradition?
As my friend Lana Shlafer wrote today “So whether you live in the US and celebrate Thanksgiving or not, I invite you to spend some time this week making lists of what you're grateful for, telling those you love why you love them and spreading appreciation wherever you go.
Not only will you brighten your day, but you'll be a powerful beacon of love to those around you.”
If you are feeling down, depressed or really triggered during this holiday or time of year, try the technique that Tony Robbins talks about in his book Awaken the Giant Within. He writes that even if you do not feel grateful in the moment, you can always ask yourself “What could I be grateful for?”
Make a special plan:
Revise your intentions or your own personal alcohol agreement for the day/holiday. Factor in the time of the meal, how you want to feel before, during and especially AFTER, and work backwards from there. Come up with specific strategies that will work for this unique settling. Do you need to bring a non-alcoholic beverage with you? What time will you begin drinking? How will you space out your drinks? What will you alternate your drinks with?
Remember that YOU are in control:
With so many factors that might feel OUT of your control, with family obligations, lengthier meals, more alcohol being consumed around you, food you might not normally eat, it can feel overwhelming and destabilizing. Remind yourself of what you CAN control and focus on that…
Start your day with intention:
Make sure to follow your healthy morning routine in the morning. This sends a powerful message that you are taking care of your body and mind first and foremost. Drink water and lemon, tea and/or green juice. Take a few moments to journal your intentions. Visualize the occasion with the most positive outcome you can imagine. Focus on that rather than everything that could possibly go wrong.
Take 5 (or 10):
There’s nothing wrong with taking breaks! When we’re out of our normal routine or around a crush of family, we can easily lose our center. If you find yourself particularly sensitive to other people’s energy, it can be especially important to take little breaks. Excuse yourself to lay down for 10 minutes and plug in a mini-meditation or some chakra balancing music. Head to the bathroom and put a drop of floral or calming essential oils into your palms, rub them together and inhale deeply for 10 breaths. It’s amazing how quickly this can reset your energy and bring you back into yourself.
At the dinner table:
1. Deep belly breathing: Here’s something you can do at the dinner table if you’re feeling yourself tense up or feeling triggered. Take a deep breath through your nose, expanding your belly. This activates your diaphragm and takes you out of “fight or flight” and into a calmer state. Hold for a second at the top and then breathe out very slowly, pulling your belly in toward your spine.
2. Mantra for peace: This is a simply and sneaky technique that you can use in any public situation to remind yourself that peace starts from within. You can of course say this aloud of are comfortable doing so or are by yourself, or you can say the words to yourself.
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Touch your index finger to the thumb on your same hand and say the word “peace.”
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Switch, touching your middle finger to your thumb and say “begins.”
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Continue down the line, touching your ring finger with your thumb and say “with.”
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Touch your pinky finger to your thumb and say “me.”
Have fun with Holiday themed mocktails:
Who said drinking less meant being stuck with boring ol’ water? Make it fun for yourself (and your guests) and try some new mocktail recipes. There are really delicious and healthy seasonal options including ingredients such as persimmons, cranberries, ginger, mint, pear, cinnamon, cloves, rosemary etc. I google’d “healthy thanksgiving mocktails” and found some amazing options.
What are your favourite strategies for thriving the holidays? I’d love to hear.
I also want to take this opportunity to tell you how grateful I am for YOU!! Thank you for showing up, for reading these blogs, for embracing yourself and your desire for something different. Thank you for helping ME feel less alone - yes, it helps knowing you are out there. And if you’ve been or are a client or Masterclass participant - my deepest bow of gratitude to you. It means the world to me that I am able to do this work. So thank you thank you thank you!!
Xoxo
The Silver Linings
Last week was intense, I’m not going to lie.
I spoke with clients, friends, family and community members around the world and all were feeling the effects of a brutal and emotional election campaign, whether they are American or not.
The silver lining for me has shown up in several ways.
One, I feel that the results of the election have galvanized my desire and deep-seated drive to show up, every day, and help make the world a better place - especially for women and minority groups.
Two, I felt deep gratitude for the love I have in my life.
Three, one of my dear friends and colleagues arrived the day of the election. She’s Canadian, a mother of three, a yoga and fitness teacher and the owner of the studio where I used to teach dance and barre method classes in my hometown.
She came to Puerto Escondido for 5 days so that we could connect and do immersive planning for the experience we are hosting in March.
I kept feeling that the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.
It was so hopeful and healing to spend our days doing the excursions, visiting secluded pristine beaches, feeling the energy of the luxury house where we will be staying, eating the most delicious food, planning out classes and workshops, and perhaps the most meaningful: mapping out what LUCIR means to us and the women who will be joining us.
Lucir: to illuminate
To brighten with light; light up; make lucid or clear; to decorate with lights, as in celebration; to enlighten, as with knowledge; to make resplendent or illustrious.
Now, is is as important as ever to come together as women.
It is a radical act to take care of yourself, to invest in yourself, to lavish love on yourself, to put yourself first.
It is an act of revolution to choose a different reality.
It is an act of liberation to go deep, uncover the darkness in order to truly let your light shine.
This is the life-changing experience of Lucir.
This is the invitation we have for you - to join us in my adopted hometown of Puerto Escondido, Mexico, at a luxury eco-villa with 12 other women, in March 2017.
You can read all about Lucir here.
We have a very special early bird discount of 15% off available between now and December 1st. (The prices are in CANADIAN and will the the current exchange rates, this really is an amazing deal. We want to make this accessible to our communities of sisters and also have payment plans available.)
If you have any questions at all, do not hesitate to email me at [email protected]
I can’t wait to share my favourite place on earth with you!!
xoxo
One Year Anniversary!
Today is 11/11.
It marks the one year anniversary of the launch of my book, Drink Less Be More: How to have a great night, and life, without getting wasted. I picked the launch date because 1111 is an angel number. Many people associate the repeating 1111 with a ‘wake-up call’, a ‘Code of Activation’ and/or an ‘Awakening Code’, or ‘Code of Consciousness’.
I always believed I was being divinely guided to write this book. In fact, the inspiration to write the book was one of my clearest “talking to God” moments. It hit me like a ray of light coming down from the heavens and I heard God’s voice: You must write this book for women who struggle with alcohol.
This is before I even began studying to be a holistic health coach. I was only baby steps into the transformation of my own relationship to alcohol.
Yet I knew that I was being called to serve in a big way. Writing a book was always a huge part of that.
11/11 is also the day of Remembrance in Canada and many countries around the world. It’s a day to honor those who risked their lives to be of service and to celebrate the resiliency of the human spirit.
The one-year anniversary of my book also falls on what has been an incredibly emotional week for many. The presidential elections in the United States have led to increases in anxiety, stress, fear, resurfacing of PTSD symptoms from past traumas being triggered.
There is something more than just the timing that joins my book, Remembrance Day, and the effects of the election together.
It’s the fact that alcohol is so often used a coping mechanism for trauma. It has been well-documented that veterans suffer in higher numbers from alcohol and substance abuse disorders.
This is also true for survivors of abuse, trauma and childhood loss.
According to Dr Frank Ochberg, “Alcohol is the most common self-medication for PTSD. It reduces awareness, blunts traumatic memory, helps with insomnia, and allows inhibited people to socialize.”
While you may never have fought a physical battle at war with another country, you may have waged war against your own body.
You may be the survivor of emotional, spiritual or physical abuse that told you “you’re not enough, you’re not okay, you are undeserving of love.”
You may have used alcohol to cope with pain, loss and grief.
You may have struggled with debilitating anxiety or awkwardness socializing, making friends, or becoming intimate.
You may have been betrayed, abandoned, heartbroken.
You likely used alcohol to cope. It’s so easy. It’s there. It starts in highschool or college. It allows you to turn off, to disconnect from the negative self-talk, to break free of the bonds and the barriers you’ve created to keep yourself safe in your day to day, to feel wild joy and passion, even briefly. It allows to you forget. It gives you permissions. And it works beautifully for many years. Until it doesn’t.
Until it doesn’t. Until you start realizing that you are slipping further away from yourself. That the control you thought you had is becoming an illusion. Until you realize the pain you sought to bury isn’t going anywhere, that the cycles and bad choices keep repeating themselves. Until enough time has passed and you are stronger, more aware, more resilient, and you are ready to do the real, honest and difficult work to heal.
This book only scratches the surface but it’s a really good start.
This book supports the idea that there IS another way to that freedom, joy and “okay-ness” you so desire.
This book is one of the things I’m most proud of in my life.
Which is why, as a celebration, it’s available for FREE on Kindle all day today. If you already have bought the book, I thank you! Please share this with someone else.
If you own a copy of the book, please post a pick of you reading it, with the hashtag #drinklessbemore #showmeyourbook Here’s an example:
If you’ve already read the book and it has impacted your life, please write a review on Amazon so that others will feel inspired to read the book as well. Here’s an example of a testimonial that was so personal and heartfelt, I cry every time I read it:
"I'm 36yr old and a busy Momma to 5 beautiful children. I found myself drinking a lot in the last 9 months. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I turned to alcohol to try and numb it all. Having twin infants and a 2yr old home with me alone all day, every day is a lot.
My marriage was super rocky, I was extra "snappy" with my big kids. But really I hated me. I started to gain weight and I thought my only solution was to drink when my kids went to bed.
I started reading Caitlin’s Drink less be more, and it took me awhile to get into it and open up within myself. (Finding time to read with twins and a busy 2yr old also isn't easy).
And then about 2.5 months ago, I woke up super hungover, babies crying, infant demanding breakfast and all I wanted to do was crawl under my bed and hide.
I didn't want to be a Mom this day. I started bawling, thinking why am I doing this to myself?? And to my kids.
From that minute on. I started reading more and more. Every spare moment I had, I would pick up the book.
And I would also like to say from that day on, I have abstained from alcohol, not a single drop.
I feel amazing. it's been a little over two months (I honestly don't even know that actual date) I've lost 15 pounds, my skin is fresh, my mind is clear. Not only that, but I've been getting stuff done around my house that I’d put off for months.
I'm enjoying every minute of being a Mom again. My relationship with my hubby is stronger than it has ever been, we are having the best sex ever, and sober sex... who knew it would be so great?!
So all in all, it's the best decision I've made yet. I feel on top of the world.
Caitlin, I haven't even had a chance to write to you until now. My life is pure chaos, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Your book is simply amazing. I'm reading it again and I missed so much my first read. You have a way of using words that speak directly to me and others, obviously. You are a very gifted writer. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart."
I have some amazing prizes including Amazon gift cards and months of free coaching!! Everyone who writes a review and/or posts a photo will be entered (and if you do both or post more than one pic, you get as many entries as posts)!
I know now more than ever it’s so important to share this message and to ensure that those of us who are struggling have as many supports and tools as possible.
Thank you, thank you thank you!
xoxo,
Caitlin
Now is not the time to numb out...
I wasn't planning on writing to you today but as I drove to work, I knew that I needed to. As I drove to work - I felt so strongly that I needed to say: now is not the time to numb out.
I know the desire.
I feel it, deeply.
Where ever you are in the world, whether you are a US citizen or not, you likely are feeling the effects of the election yesterday. I am a Canadian, living in Mexico, and I felt this election more deeply than any other (and I lived in the US post 9/11 under Bush).
As we all know, this was so much more than an election. It was a statement of values, of ideals. Whichever "side" you're on, you care passionately and want the best for your loved ones. The divisive propagated by this election caused an energetic and soul-level angst that is painful.
Last night, as I switched between watching the news in my father's living room, retreating into another room to tune into Stephen Colbert and the other "comedy" channels (none of whom could find anything funny about last night) and scrolling facebook and social media) I saw reference after reference to ALCOHOL. I was grateful that I was in a sober household because I felt that temptation too.
"I bought one bottle of wine on the way home from work, should've got two."
"Pass the whisky."
Stephen Colbert pouring drinks for his guests and commentators, who commented they'd already been drinking in the green room.
The desire to numb the pain, the heartache, and the disillusionment is powerful.
But as with any heartbreak - we know - numbing the pain doesn't make it go away.
It hides it, sure. Makes it feel a bit more bearable in the moment.
But it doesn't go away.
The farther down we stuff it, the most likely we are to be blindsided by it at a later date.
As one client told me last week, she'd been stuffing her pain for so long that it escaped as rage when getting cut off in traffic, or when the clerk wouldn't accept her returning of an item.
Numbing emotional pain can also show up physically - headaches, inflammation in the body, stomach problems and more.
So what is there to do right now? Feel the pain, or whatever it is that you are feeling.
Take what you can off of your schedule, today and for the rest of the week.
Take it easy.
Have a bath. Use calming or releasing essential oil blends. Make copious amounts of tea.
Reach out for support. Especially if you are feeling triggered or traumatized. Reach out.
Tell everyone you love them.
Then get to work. It can be painful to feel disempowered and out of control. Take back control where you can. Start to take action as soon as you are ready.
Volunteer at your church or another service organization. Be of service to those who are less privileged, those who are even more scared right now, those who are fearing for their safety or their future. Staying present and clear will allow your intuition to guide you. It will allow you to start seeing opportunities where you might have felt bleakness and hopelessness.
Refusing to mess around with your delicate internal balance of hormones and feel natural feel good chemicals will help you ride the waves of emotions that you are sure to be experiencing this week.
Why make the bleak bleaker? Why make the morning more painful?
NOTHING feels better with a hangover, you and I both know that.
So do yourself the most loving favour and make this easier on you by not choosing alcohol as a coping mechanism.
I have opened up more times in my schedule next week to connect. I would love to be of support and service to you if you need someone to talk to. Just click here to book your complimentary session.
I also wanted to give you a heads up that this week we're celebrating the 1 year anniversary of my book Drink Less Be More: How to have a great night (and life) without getting wasted. The official anniversary is on Friday (11/11) and the entire book will be available to download for free all day on Kindle! I will be sending another email with all the info in time for Friday.
Sending you tons of love and a giant hug,
xoxo
I Lied
A couple of weeks ago we were settling in after arriving home from a few weeks away (I was in NYC and Luis and Luna were with his parents in Mexico City). We arrived home in the late afternoon and Luis had to rush out to check in on his businesses. He was gone for the rest of the evening.
I noticed one of those personal sized bottles of champagne in the fridge. I had forgotten that I bought it before we left. As I looked closer I realized that the seal had been broken (under the fancy foil is a screw top) but when I unscrewed it, there was still a bit of fizz. I poured myself half a glass, with every intention of leaving the other half glass for Luis. I put Luna to bed and came back downstairs.
Without really thinking too much about it, I poured myself the rest of the glass.
“Hey, don’t we have champagne the fridge?” Luis asked the following afternoon.
“I noticed it was open last night but it was flat. I dumped it out.” The words popped out of my mouth without any forethought.
“Oh, I guess the caretaker must have opened it.”
“I guess.” I replied, with a tightened knot in my stomach.
OMG.
I lied about my drinking!!
With seemingly no reason. Luis doesn’t care if I drink. I’d even told him about the night out in NYC where I drank more than I had in years.
I’ve had similar conversations with my clients. Women whose partners are supportive and loving and non-judgemental. Partners and spouses who don’t care if they drink 1.5 or 3 glasses, as long as they are happy and feeling good about their choices.
And yet, sometimes that little white lie pops out, unplanned and leaving them perplexed as to where it came from.
So why do we lie?
As it turns out, a recent poll showed that women are twice as likely to lie as men. These lies aren’t intended maliciously. The poll found that little lies are usually to make someone feel better, to avoid trouble, or to “make life simpler.”
Is this true for those of us who drink?
In my conversations with clients and certainly in my own self-exploration, I’ve come to believe that many of us are conditioned from a young age to be “good.”
Many of us are achievers or perfectionists.
We learned from an early age that our value and lovability was linked to how well we were performing or how nice/generous/compliant/accomplished we are.
Drinking became an escape from that pressure. A way to release ourselves from this never-ending performance and to give ourselves permission to be free, or naughty, or fun, or whatever we felt like we couldn’t be in our daily lives.
This in and of itself meant that our drinking was somewhat shameful, combined with the fact that many of us did do things under the influence that we would never do sober.
So now, as adults, we carry this imprinting and it sneaks up on us in seemingly innocuous situations.
What do you think ?
Have you ever lied about your drinking or the effects of your drinking? (One client has a really hard time admitting if she ever feels hungover)
Developing an awareness around what our “scared little girl” inside might be trying to cover up with the lie, or what story we tell about ourselves (perfect, in control etc) might be triggering the lie is a great first first.
Second, admitting that the lie happened and that you are working on healing that part of yourself.
Here’s how I imagine the conversation going when I have it with Luis:
“You know when you asked me about the champagne? I really surprised myself in the moment - because I lied about it. It was already open, but I didn’t dump it out, I drank it. I realize that there’s still a part of me that fears judgment. I’m also terrified of people being mad at me, and even though I know it’s irrational because you won’t be made at me, the little girl inside is still scared. I’m sorry that I lied and I’m working on understanding the part of myself that still feels the impulse to do so.”
I’ll let you know how it goes!
This is a topic I’m going to continue researching as I find it fascinating and it affects so many of us.
That’s why I’d love to hear from you! If you have anything you’d like to share or any questions about the topic, please email me at [email protected] and let me know!" for the blog.
xoxo