The power of community

This weekend I was invited to celebrate a close family member’s 30 years of sobriety. This person is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the group was celebrating four “birthdays” that evening.

Each of the celebrants had a significant number of years of sobriety under their belt: the range was from 27-31 years.

As I listened to the speeches they gave after receiving their chips, I heard a very common theme throughout.

More than the 12 steps themselves, the celebrants cited the supportive community and friendships they had made through the program as being the biggest reason they kept coming back to meetings, day after day, year after year. 

These folks also have a lot more in common with each other than simply their commitment to sobriety. They are all retirees, all love Mexico and spent at least a good portion of the winter here in Puerto Escondido (and some live here full time). Their politics can all be described as left of center. They have crazy stories and experiences they shared from “back in the day” yet in the now, they are all seeking a fairly similar quality of life.

I was moved to tears hearing the gratitude and love they felt towards their peers that had supported them in their commitment to their sobriety, and living well.

One person mentioned that he had often heard that “sick people attract sickness” and what he felt being a part of the group here was the opposite... that well people attract wellness.

This resonated with me so strongly. I believe that I have made an unconscious shift towards living that adage... the healthier I become, the more I attract health into my life... by the activities I chose, the people I surround myself with, the partner I attracted, the values I wish to share with my child... It is the positive ripple effect of choosing a life of wellness.

It can be hard when making a transition to know who “your people” are. It may require a shift in friendships and in how you chose to spend your time.

You may find yourself letting go of certain relationships or pass times. Sometimes this happens naturally and sometimes it requires a painful decision (on your part) when you realize that certain people in your life aren’t able to support your wellness goals, or you realize you just don’t have as much to relate to now that you aren’t sharing the same alcohol-fuelled activities.

It can also happen that certain friends or acquaintances start letting go of you. This too can be painful. It’s happened to me... invites to certain kinds of events (read parties) come fewer and far between.

All of this to say, finding supportive people that are aligned with your wellness goals is absolutely critical to achieving what you desire.

I heard somewhere that you are a reflection of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Think about that. Are you surrounding yourself with the people that will most help optimize your health and wellbeing? If not, why?

When I was first starting to want to make changes to my drinking, I found it hard to know who to talk to. I didn’t really want to share my process with everyone as I was grappling to understand what it all meant. I also didn’t want to alienate my friends at the time.

One of the first steps I took was to open up to one of my best friends, who was also going through something similar. Even though we lived in different cities, we started a shared google document where we would write to each other as if it were a journal entry, as we worked through our issues with alcohol and set new intentions for ourself.

If you are not sure where or how to find supportive people in your immediate surroundings, try reaching out online. There are communities of incredibly supportive women online, including Sip Sisters. I’m also a member of a few others, so let me know if you are interested.

The most important thing for you to know is that you do not have to do this alone. 

In fact, it will be much harder if you do.

If you are not ready to talk to your close friends and family about the changes you are going through, that’s totally fine. However, that doesn’t mean that you should be doing this in isolation.

The speeches I heard the other night reflected that the members of that group had found solace and comfort in an anonymous group, but that the members of that group quickly became their closest friends... and they came to share so much more than sobriety.

Whether it be a workout partner, an accountability buddy or a sip sister, go forth and find your peeps!


Letting go...

I don’t know about you, but I find this time of year starts to weigh heavily on me. The New Year starts with energy and intention, but over the course of a sometimes very dark and cold February, “reality” sinks in a little more and resolutions start to slide a little.

It's also possible that setting new intentions and having a sober January dredged up some bad feelings about previous behaviours and actions. I’ve noticed that recently a few people, including my clients, are feeling shame, regret and grief over past actions. Now that a month or so off of drinking has created space for introspection, self-deprecation can come down hard on you.

Now that “dryuary” is over and you’ve had a possibly wet February, how can you positively AND effectively redefine your relationship to alcohol through the rest of the year?

We all know that to create a significant, and sustainable, change in our drinking behaviours, it requires a lot more than simply “not drinking.”

Short term goals, like 31 day dry months or sober challenges are a great way to take breaks.

But what if you want to seriously redefine your relationship to alcohol over the long term?

I look at it like breaking up with a co-dependent long-term lover or partner who has brought me so many moments of joy and fun, but also a lot of unnecessary pain, confusion, fighting and feeling downright crappy.

It might sound strange at first, but when you shift from thinking of alcohol as a thing, to something that also embodies a set of qualities (many of which we desire) and effects (some we desire, some we come to despise), you might realize that your approach to alcohol might need to be more nuanced than the one-dimension “elimination” approach.

Think about it. How long have you been drinking for? How long has alcohol been in your life? How many times have you thought “I wish things could be different” but the cycles stay the same?

For me, alcohol is one of the longest relationships of my life. We got acquainted 17 years ago, and were going strong for the first12 years before I started to try to make some changes, and another 15 before I was able to take what felt like a real stand in making some lasting changes.

Here are some steps I’ve found really help with breaking up with alcohol, or at the ver least, starting to redefine your relationship.

Write a Love Letter: It might go a little something like this “Dear alcohol, wow... what a ride we’ve been on together. Thank you for the good times, and the bad. I learned so much during our time together. I experienced things I may not have when I was sober, took risks, met some crazy and interesting people, started learning a new language, danced a lot, and first started feeling comfortable tapping into my creativity and sensuality with you by my side...”

Yeah, it might feel strange at first. But recognizing the “good,” honouring the relationship  instead of shaming yourself by only focusing on the negative, with ultimately help you let go (more on this below). This is far more empowering than beating yourself up for “stupid” choices.

You did what you did at the time because that’s what you felt like you needed to do. Done. Now recognize it for what it was, and more on.

Setting clear boundaries/intentions: Similarly to negotiating the new terms of an evolving relationship with an ex, setting clear boundaries and intentions is super important.

Write it down as you were writing to alcohol.

“Dear alcohol, I think we still need to be on a total break. I’m not ready to invite you back into my life yet... I have more self-reflection I need to do and I need to feel stronger...” 

OR

“Dear alcohol, Yes, I’d like to hang out every once and I while. I know that things are still sensitive for me right now, so it’s really important that I’m in a good mood and not upset about anything. I’ve realized that I can only be close to you in very limited amounts, so I am limiting our time together to one glass of wine at dinner with friends, once a week, and we’ll see how that goes for awhile." 

Affirmations: Love yourself up during this process!! It can be hard work sometimes, so go easy on yourself.

Have you ever had a friend who is heartbroken? She’s been dumped and is feeling so down on herself and doubtful that she’ll ever recuperate?

What do you say as a good friend?

You say, “You are beautiful and kind and so much fun. OF COURSE you will be okay, you’re better off without that person in your life, it’s just going to take a little time.”

So yeah, be that loving to yourself!! Give yourself the pep talk, and write it down!

Letting go/release: The next step is letting go. Allowing yourself to feel, grieve, honour and release what no longer serves you. If you’d like to read more about how to do this, click here. 

One final thought... know this is temporary! The days are already getting lighter and longer! Now is the perfect time to dig deep, clear out the clutter, cobwebs and dust in our sacred corners, and use the changing of seasons that will be upon us soon to re-invigorate new growth.

In order to create real change we need to create the space for it. So get on it ;)

You got this!!


Feliz Dia del Amor y Amistad! (Happy Valentine's Day!)

 Where I live in Mexico, Valentine's Day is celebrated as the Day of Love and Friendship.

Can I just say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE that subtle shift?

It takes the focus away from romantic love (and therefore those who might feel lacking if they don't have a hot date or someone to cosy up to).

So Happy Day of Love and Friendship to all you -- may your weekend be filled with joy and blessings.

Remember - romance yourself first and foremost, lavish the self-care, and take a few extra minutes to let your friends and loved ones know how much you appreciate them.

This week's note will be brief - and focused on going easy on yourself - so it ties right in with the Love Day theme this weekend.

A couple of days ago, while doing a review of our 6 months working together, a client mentioned that she had been a bit hard on herself this last week: feeling that she hadn't accomplished "enough" in the past 6 months.

This, coming from someone who has gone from severe burnout, insomnia and adrenal fatigue to sleeping better, feeling rested, and experiencing real energy again;

who has transitioned from extreme workaholism, chaos and over-commitment to spaciousness in her schedule, plenty of self-care (without guilt or self-criticism), and lots of time to be present with family and rekindle neglected friendships,

and in her words now:

"I'm off the ledge, clearing the fog, waking up excited instead of consumed by dread, enjoying the day instead of rushing through it... work is fun again, my house is organized, peaceful and functional, and I'm making real connections again..."

Wow. Back up a minute sister... THIS IS SO MUCH TO CELEBRATE!!

We spend years and year telling ourselves stories and unconsciously living patterns that shape our behaviours and day to day lives...

Rewriting these stories, learning new ways of being and creating new patterns to create real, sustainable change takes time.

Go easy on yourself!!

It really struck me again this morning... in a slightly different way. Our house has been out of water for several days now. We have a bucket next to the sink in the kitchen to scoop water out of to wash our hands and do dishes.

I'm at the sink countless times in the day, and even though I know we have no water and the bucket is in plain new right in front of me, I STILL reach for the tap almost EVERY SINGLE TIME. Force of habit. It's what I've always done and 95% of the time, my unconscious is what guides my actions.

I have to make an effort to remind myself to do it differently. 

Over and over again, until I create a new habit or pattern.

They say you have to do something every day for 30 days until a new habit is formed. (Hopefully we'll have water in our house before then!! But you get my drift...)

So keep at it. Change is possible but it takes time. ESPECIALLY when it involves the stories we tell ourselves or have been told since childhood.

Take time to celebrate the small steps. Be grateful for the awareness and desire that you have. Keep on keeping on. Give yourself lotsa love throughout the process.

And in the words of Robbie Williams: Go gentle to the light.


When resentment rears its ugly head... whaddaya do?

Resentment is a sneaky little devil, sidling and slithering into our consciousness slowly and subtly, until, somehow, we find ourselves bitter, impatient, ready to snap, blaming others or sullen.

Has this ever happened to you?

The consequences of resentment can be tricky as well.

When we feel stuck in certain situations, that we are constantly making huge sacrifices or doing things for others at our own expense, we are more likely to fall into unhealthy behaviours to make ourselves feel better at the end of the day.

“Well, I deserve this glass of wine after the day I’ve had.”

“The only thing that will make me feel better right now is a big ol’ slice of cake.”

“F everybody. I’m tired of being good, so now that I’ve shirked my responsibilities for the night, I’m gonna let loose and be really Bad...” 

These are short term, bandaid pseudo-solutions that usually offer only very temporary relief.

Instead, here are five fool-proof strategies to recover from resentment AND create lasting behaviour change so that you can prevent these kind of reactions from happening in the first place.

Practice gratitude (part 1): Even if it seems like you are stuck in the shittiest situation ever, there is always a silver lining. Figure out what that is.

Example: I’ve been working a lot of extra hours these past couple of weeks. I have a freelance contract that I am working on helping plan an event that is scheduled for the third week of February. The extra hours have led to more juggling of time, pumping of breastmilk, more hours away from my baby, less time at home. I started to feel resentful towards the commitment I had made, the fact that I had to be away from my baby more than I wanted to be.

I started resenting the WORK. Bleh. It’s true.

The great thing about being a coach is that it gives me the opportunity to catch these negativity cycle quickly.

I am definitely committed to “walking my talk” so I caught myself and starting focusing on gratitude:

  • My co-workers on this project are super supportive and caring and have allowed me a lot of flexibility with my schedule and the occasional missed meeting.

  • I’ve worked on this project several years in a row and it doesn’t require a lot of extra brain power ie I can still do it and do it well while sleep deprived

  • The extra income that comes at time that we really need it

  • It’s temporary (isn’t everything though); a short term contract that will be finished soon

Practice gratitude (part 2): Or, if you can’t find the slightest thing about your current situation to be grateful for, find something else in the present moment to focus on and be grateful for. There is ALWAYS something positive, it is never ALL BAD.

Example: The warm comfort of your cup of tea in the morning. The feeling of the breeze on your skin. The fact that you woke up this morning! The bed that you sleep in. The healing powers of rain. The beauty of the ocean or sunset.

When I started feeling too busy and rushed and ungrounded in my day... I decided to drive home the scenic way. It only added a few more minutes, but gave me a view of the ocean instead of the highway. Instantly calming. 

Enlist friends/support: If you really, really are struggling with finding something to be grateful for - ask a friend to help you out.

Example: Just this week I was feeling super burnt out. As mentioned above, working so many hours was taking its toll. Our house, which is still a work in progress, was feeling like a chore. Everywhere I looked there was something that needed to be cleaned, fixed, built... I started resenting the HO-- -- USE, can you believe it?

I invited a couple of friends who in town to visit. They hadn’t yet seen the house.

I almost canceled last minute (due to overwhelm and that creepy resentment... “now I have to clean because we have company”!?!? )

I’m so happy that I didn’t cancel because my friend helped me shift my mindset. With fresh eyes, she saw the beauty, creativity, and potential of the place.

It felt good to be honest and tell her that I was feeling burnt-out by the upkeep. What felt even better though was to see it through her lives and remind myself that I am really blessed to have my own home. 

Reclaim your power: I find that as women we often either give away our power or feel powerless in certain situations. It is as if life is happening to us, rather than us being the ones to call the shots.

And soon enough, we begin to feel resentful that we are given so much of ourselves away without getting what we need, or that others have certain expectations of us that we stop feeling like we can fulfill.

This is a common one for my clients, is it for you too?

Example: Can you say yes to others LESS, and say YES TO YOURSELF MORE? What boundaries can you create to protect your precious time? Can you do one less thing a week? What’s one fun thing you can do for yourself, right now?

Have more FUN: This one is pretty straightforward.

Example: After a long week of feeling a lot of external pressures and demands on my time, I decided to end the week on an upswing and take a dance class this morning. I found care for my baby for an hour and picked a new studio by the beach. That one hour was pure bliss and now, back at my computer, I am is such a good mood and resentment-free because I chose to do something for me first today.

How do you deal with resentment? I’d love to hear if you have any other strategies that work for you.

As a final thought, this came across my newsfeed yesterday and I thought it was perfect:

“Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.” - Camille Pissarro


A look inside my medicine cabinet

I used to get sick all of the time.

A common cold would quick turn into an infection in my lungs.

I’d go from sniffles to bronchitis in what seemed like a matter of minutes.

Once that deep cough took hold, it was there to stay, sometimes for months on end.

I’d soldier on. Stuff myself full of symptom-masking “medication” and antibiotics.

“It seems like every time you come home to visit you are sick,” my mother bemoaned as I crashed face down on the sofa and stayed there for the duration of my visit.

“Don’t martyr yourself,” said my colleagues at the provincial health authority where I worked (the irony isn’t lost on me now).

But people depended on me - I told myself. I had to go to work. I couldn’t slow down enough to take the time to heal. And the way I lived my life did little to prevent getting sick.

In fact, it was quite the contrary.

“I think you have a problem with your immune system,” said my roommate at the time.

I was so in denial that I actually started believe that I did have some kind of rare un-identifiable immune disease.

Though I didn’t want to admit it, the problem I had with my immune system was 100% self-inflicted.

My problem was my lifestyle, the extent to which I pushed myself to the extreme, was always running on empty, never giving my body what it needed to stay strong.

I grew up eating homegrown, wholesome food - yet I had forgotten what it meant to nourish my body.

I was addicted to over-achieving and under-sleeping.

“How did you accomplish so much at such a young age?” people would ask.

I don’t sleep! I would respond, only half joking.

I was perpetually running on empty, fueled only by adrenaline, caffeine and the odd aderroll.

Being sick didn’t change my drinking habits, it just changed what I drank.

I’ll have another hot toddy please, heavy on the whisky.

This lasted through my teens, twenties and into my thirties.

One two skip a few years and as I sit here writing this, I’m getting over a cold and I feel great.

What was an ass-kicker of a bug that circulated and took out family members and close friends with symptoms like fever, deep cough, achy body and congestion for weeks at a time left me relatively unscathed.

Day one sore throat and head cold, day two mucus factory and day three coughing it all out.

Boom.

Over.

Me? I’m smiling.

Do I still wish I had become superwoman, with the ability to resist all infection?

Yes of course, that would be great.

Second to that - this scenario is pretty damn great.

What am I doing differently now, you might ask?

Now when I get sick, instead of pushing through, I stop everything. Call in reinforcements (aka ask for help). Free up all my energy for healing.

I’ve also set my life up to focus on preventing illness or disease and staying healthy, rather than as an invitation for sickness.

I eat whole foods; a plant-based diet that is high in nutrients versus calories.

I supplement with superfoods, powerful nutritional gems full of vitamins, mineral and properties that help boost immunity.

I am religious about my daily water and lemon followed by an alkaline-boosting, anti-inflammatory green juice or smoothie. (I’m talking every. single. day.)

I sleep! This reformed adrenaline junkie / psuedo insomniac who used to boast about how little sleep she needed to function now relishes in siestas and at least 7 hours a night.

I have conscientiously removed the drama factor from my life - favouring calm over chaos.

I have a soothing spiritual practice that helps ground me and nourish my soul.

I’ve kept this up with a newborn baby.

It has allowed me to ward off infection, shorten the lifespan of viruses and lesson the symptoms, and heal from surgery in record time.

I’m not saying I’m perfect.

I’m also not strict.

I eat dairy ice cream sometimes.

Occasionally I crave these green salsa flavoured corn chips and I buy them.

I don’t meditate every day.

What I can say is that my life is set up for health. The choices I make daily invite health rather than sickness into my life, and when I do get sick, my body has all the necessary tools to fight it right quick. I practice preventative medicine with what I choose to put in my body and how I choose to spend my time.

How do you set yourself up for health?

What choices can you be making NOW for a healthier you in the future?

This is what my "preventative medicine" cabinet looks like:

Staple items include: green power blend (wheatgrass, moringa leaf, alfalfa, chlorella, spirulina) mushroom blend (reishi, cordyceps, chaga, corriolus, shiitake, maitake), acai and super berry blend (gogi, wild blueberry, acerola cherry, schichandra berry), raw cacao, maca, organic green and mate teas, organic mothers health tea, liver detox tea and more.


Avoided the alcohol ... and I was a Bridesmaid!

It was the day my little sister got married. I was one of the bridesmaids, though I had had very little time to focus on the wedding as my daughter had been born 7 weeks earlier.

As we walked into the reception all at 3pm, the waiters were making the rounds with ice cold palomas, a tasty refreshing grapefruit and tequila drink.

OH MAN was I ever tempted to reach for a glass and slug it back before anyone who “knew me” (aka would judge me) noticed.

It had been a long day and I really felt like I’d earned it. 

I was up before dawn to shower and bundle my infant and I into a taxi to the other side of town to get our hair and makeup done. At 9am my sister arrived and we helped her get ready. By just before 12pm we were at the church for the Catholic ceremony.

Then it was photos at my dad’s house in the baking mid-day Mexican heat, then before I even had time to drink half the smoothie my mom had thoughtfully prepared for me, we were rushed to the reception hall to be with my sister as she made her grand entrance.

I was tired and parched. But more than that, I really felt like I deserved a drink. I had been focused on intense healing for almost two months since my daughter's birth. I had given my body and my life 100% to the birth and nurturing of my baby. Didn’t I deserve to let go a bit, do something fun and what felt like slightly reckless?

The thought even crossed my mind that on an empty stomach I’d get a buzz faster.

What was that all about?? Was I supposed to thank the Universe for yet another opportunity to observe how alcohol was still engrained as my “reward system” as well as my automatic stress reliever and let-loose-er??

I paused and went and stood in front of a fan. I looked at my sister who was radiant - truly beaming positivity and love. I took in the beauty of the room, the details of the decorating. I took a few deep breaths, and ordered a mineral water and grapefruit juice.

It tasted delicious and was obviously even more thirst quenching than the tequila-laden variety.* (see below for an even better alternative)

My angst-ridden moment of “to drink or not to drink” passed. Pitchers of fresh “aguas de sabor” started arriving at our table in refreshing combinations such as pineapple, lime and cucumber.

It took me awhile to realize there was not a single drinker of alcohol at our table, and everyone was having a great time.

At one point in the evening I noticed trays full of whiskies being taken to the tables of the “drinkers.” With no judgement, just simply observing, I watched another group get drunk and remembered the days when that would have been me.

Free booze?? Yes please, I’ll drink as much as I can.

Worried about getting too drunk in front of relatives of my (now ex) partner? No worries, just pop some adderall or do a couple lines.

Back to the present... when the dancing started, I felt some hesitation. I hadn’t danced in what felt like years, though really it was since the beginning of my pregnancy. I felt out of shape and weak. I suddenly was overcome with weird anxieties like, “what if I can’t find the beat.” (For those of you who know me - know that dancing is a huge part of my life and I have spent years teaching dance and helping others find their rhythm). This fear was, of course, ABSURD. 

So again, a couple of deep breaths and the intention of letting go of all of this silly self talk that did not serve me one iota. 

I got out of my head and into my body and soon enough, this happened:

When I first saw the picture I laughed - if I didn’t know me, I would think: “Drunk bridesmaid alert!!”

Then I started thinking - why do we associated vivacious, extroverted, wild abandon with being inebriated?

The truth of the matter is that I embody those qualities, with or without alcohol.

Sometimes I need to get my head out of the way to let my body be guided by my spirit - and when I can do this - well, the photo is proof of what’s possible.

I wanted to share this because IT IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TOO!

Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, anxious or too much “in your head” - take a few deep breaths, ground yourself and do what you can do get out of your head and into your body.


Ringing in the New Year with New Intentions

I rang in the new year with my two loves, sitting on the 2nd floor terrace of our new home.

Our house is off the grid and therefore we were surrounded by relative darkness.

We are up on a hill, with a view that stretches towards the town, and beyond.

At midnight, the sky lit up with four different displays of fireworks. It was incredible.

Though I have spent 4 years of New Years in this town, I have never had this vantage point. I would have been on the beach looking up at one set of fireworks, in the thick of a party, raucous and loud and the lights accompanied by booming overhead.

This year, I was removed from the intensity. The booming was distant. Instead screams, the sounds of the sensual latin guitar being played at our neighbour’s filled our ears.

Until this New Year’s eve, I had no idea there were so many displays of fireworks spread across the districts of our town.

I was struck by the symbolism - or maybe it was I who infused the moment with meaning - because I was reflecting on how different my life is this year than in previous years.

Stuck in the fray, wanting to be a part of everything, distracted by the noise... I had no idea of the beauty and tranquility that could come from stepping away from the party.

While I may have suffered from severe FOMO before, I now realize that instead of missing out, my horizon has expanded and I am able to see, feel, and experience more than I ever thought possible.

I’ve accomplished a lot in the past year that I am really proud of but that’s not what was was going through my mind during the countdown to ring in the start of 2015.

Instead, I was overcome by emotion thinking about is how different I FEEL.

I probably overuse the word bliss but I really cant think of a better word to use a lot of the time. I feel pure, undiluted BLISS.

PRESENCE. I didn’t really understand this word while I was still deep in my drinking and addiction to overdrive. I am able to embody every moment, to feel everything - the highs and lows - for what they really are. I used to have such a hard time sorting through my feelings, I’d get confused, I’d stumble when I tried to communicate to loved ones, I would be raw, overtired, hungover and those added ingredients made it so much harder to understand what was really going on for me.

People around me describe a new sense of TRANQUILITY radiating from me. It’s an interesting perspective considering that fact I lived my life at a whirling, chaotic pace for so long.

Though this year was full of physical challenges, I feel more STRENGTH than ever before. My body is the healthiest in all of my adult life. It is easy to make good decisions around what to eat, when to sleep and how to nourish my physical temple.

I embody and emanate LOVE. Plain and simple. With every choice I make to treat myself with the utmost respect, to uphold the highest version of myself, to align myself with the sacred and divine... I am love. I am love for myself and I have so much to share in a way that feels so authentic and natural, that I am never depleted.

This coming year, I want to feel abundant, effusive, effervescent, connected, sage and joyful. I will align my intentions towards this feelings.

How do you want to feel?


Celebrating the Holidays without alcohol...

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve supported my clients getting ready for the holiday season.

Whether it be strategies for drinking less and gracefully declining another glass of eggnog or Christmas morning coffee and Baileys,

Or writing a letter to friends and family explaining her specific need for support and creating healthy boundaries so that she doesn’t have to perform,

Or being vulnerable and truly opening up to her husband about the challenges she has experienced in the past, and how he can help her finally experience a different and lasting positive outcome...

This time of year is, as one clients so aptly stated during our last session - just plain crazy. Family dynamics, holiday expectations, coupled with consumer craziness and with a dose of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) thrown in there - who wouldn’t feel a little crazy?

And we know that during the crazy times, we can all use a little extra support.

If fact, now more than ever is the time to ask for help, and gentleness, and ease and understanding...

To pull out all the tools and draw from the inner strength and knowing that you’ve been cultivating.

My mom and I were just reminiscing about our Christmas last year, when a large portion of our family traveled to Mexico to spend the holidays here with me. Kids and cousins, and travel not only to a foreign country but a small town off the beaten path, mixed with all of the holiday expectations and family dynamics.

This, coupled with the fact that the love of my life was on the other side of the world and I was heart broken... could have been a recipe to be “driven to drink.”

Instead, as my mom commented to me last night, I was able to handle this pressure cooker environment while in an emotionally raw state with grace and ease, and to resist the urge to numb out, retreat and escape into alcohol.

This is a drastic change from the ghosts of Christmas past, which included:

One very white Christmas where a now-ex boyfriend and I sat up all night doing cocaine and then crying until the wee hours...

Another Christmas dinner that ended in a drunken fight

A ferry ride two days after Christmas, where I was still drunk from the night before and desperately trying not to be sick in front of my cousin who was sharing the trip with me

The many times I would arrive home to my mother’s for the holidays and simply crash, physically worn out from the dis-ease, chaos and hectic life I was living...

It is hard for me to write these truths about myself. To look back at this young woman who was hurting, lonely, isolating herself from her family, and not only uncomfortable in her body but totally mistreating her.

It has been a somewhat long road to here.

It hasn’t been easy, but it has been so worthwhile.

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, remember that you can use this time for transformation. That whatever is painful or daunting can be temporary, and whatever seemingly deeply embedded cycles and family patters are opportunities for change.

Ask for support, reach out, treat yourself with extra loving kindness.

Today is Winter Solstice. Whether you are reading this today, or the day after, find comfort that the darkness will indeed give way into light. It’s a fact. Whatever dark, ugly or painful experience you may be living can give way to healing, transformation and lightness.

Today is the day the Sun stands still (the literal meaning of “solstice”). Today is the day the Sun gets as low as it can at midday — that’s why it “stands still”; it’s dipped as low as it can go and has stopped its decline. It’s the shortest day and longest night of the year. If you go out tomorrow it will be a wee bit higher at midday, and the day will be a tad longer, and of course, the darkness of night will be a little less.

Take the time today to find your inner solstice, peace and stillness, calm and centering, and draw from this strength through the rest of the season.

The solstice is a powerful time to align and energize your desires, knowing that indeed the darkness temporary and quite literally, tomorrow there will be more light.

For a Biblical reference, remember this: “While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be the b.” ~ Jesus, John 12:36 from the Bible

You ARE a child of light, whatever your religion or spiritual inclination. You are a radiant soul, and your capacity to shine is always there, and is limitless.

Take a few moments to breathe, send gratitudes, set in intentions, create a mental web connecting you to everyone near and far that you wish to send love to and receive support from, and know that you have the tools.

If drinking is a challenge for you, re-read my guide “How to have a great night out without getting wasted.” (If you’re on my list, you should have already received it, but here it is again).


Chakra balancing ... and what are chakras?

I started getting into chakras almost 5 years ago, when I was invited to teach Nia dance at a retreat organized by Dara Mckinley, founder of the Goddess Process.

Dara expertly wove energy work (via chakras), divine femininity, sensual movement and creative play in an experience that was both deeply healing and incredibly freeing for the women involved.

Since then, I have continued my own study of chakras and how an awareness of our chakras can provide an interesting perspective on the physical, emotional and spiritual challenges we may be facing, and how balancing our chakras can deepen our healing.  There are many ways to look at our beliefs and perceptions and to change them.  Using the wisdom of your body and in particular your energy system is one powerful way to access this information.

But first - what are chakras? As described by crystalspringshealing.com Chakras are spinning energy centers located throughout your body that influence and reflect your physical health as well as your mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. There are seven main chakras that begin with the root, or base, chakra at the base of the spine, ascending in a column to the crown chakra at the top of the head. Each chakra is associated with a particular color along with certain functions. All of your chakras must be open and clear in order to achieve optimum health and balance. Open chakras allow energy to flow cleanly and easily, resulting in an increase in energy and awareness along with arousing your natural intuitive abilities.

If you don’t already know about chakras I encourage you to read up on your own. It’s fascinating stuff and worth a few minutes of google time.

I was inspired to write about chakras today because I’ve been doing some deep healing work around the second (sacral) chakra in the past few weeks. This chakra is also the chakra that most frequently needs rebalancing for my clients, and has probably been one of the most recurring chakras in need of attention in my life as well.

The second chakra is located in the mid-level of the abdomen, more or less between the belly button and the pubic bone. The colour of its aura is orange. When your second chakra is balanced, you love life, feel generally optimistic and happy and take healthy satisfaction in sensual experiences.

This chakra governs life lessons involving blaming and guilt, sex, power and control and is the base for your sense of morality. The Second Chakra is the base of your creativity, manifesting, money and prosperity. Information kept in this Chakra involves your emotions and feelings, and feelings of duality. Your personal magnetism, your patterns of control, and your sociability also emanated from the Sacral Chakra. An imbalance in the Sacral Chakra may manifest as an eating disorder, alcohol and drug addiction, intimacy issues, impotence, frigidity and depression. This chakra governs the uterus, ovaries, vagina, cervix, large intestine, lower vertebrae, pelvis, appendix, and bladder. Physical symptoms of an imbalance in this chakra can include lower back pain, sexual impotency, urinary problems, reproductive health problems and appendicitis.

I’ve struggled with second chakra issues long before my awareness of what chakras were. Reproductive health issues (years of extremely painful periods), sexual trauma / intimacy issues, addictive tendencies, recurring urinary track infections, and lower back pain were all very present through my teens and 20s.

Learning about chakras gave me a new tool to address what the medical profession would simply prescribe stronger drugs for. As I began deeper level emotional healing, as well as exploring creative and healing modalities such as dance, art, meditation, and learning about the connection between nutrition and chakra balancing, I began to feel more in control of my healing - it was like discovering a missing piece of the puzzle. As I began to renegotiate my relationship to alcohol, and finally have the most connected, sober sexual intimacy I had ever experienced, I finally felt that I was stepping into a more empowered place - where I could finally claim the benefits of a balanced second chakra.

When I became pregnant and learned about the “deformity” in my uterus, which led to months of hemorrhaging, hospitalization, bed rest and a baby born 6 weeks early via cesarian section - it became clear to me that I would need to revisit the second chakra healing on another level.

While I am deeply and irrevocably grateful for my pregnancy and birth of my daughter, the medicalization of my pregnancy (numerous hospitalizations during and leading up to birth) and the ensuing cesarian section were also traumatic. The invasive surgery felt like a form of sexual trauma: the physical and energetic act of “slicing” through my most sacred feminine organs, placing tubes and catheters inside of the most intimate parts of me, the numbness that continues to this day, the disfiguration, the feeling of being “robbed” - which is difficult to explain to any one who has not experienced this particular form of trauma.

In the weeks since the birth of my daughter, I have embarked on a new but familiar healing journey. I recognized the importance working through these feelings NOW so that I can ultimately be stronger as a woman, lover, partner, and mother.

Here are some of the things I did to rebalance my second chakra. These can apply to all forms of second chakra healing and rebalancing, whatever the cause or outcomes you are experiencing. I encourage you to find what works for you. This is also an incomplete list... I’ll include links at end for further resources and study.

  • Orange: I’m not usually a big fan of the colour orange. HOWEVER, when it comes to healing, I’m willing to give it a go. I covered the lamp by my bedside table with orange fabric which creates a lovely, second chakra glow. I had orange flowers in my hospital room and requested them for my room. Orange gemstones are also powerful.

  • Essential oils: Orange blossom and other floral scents such as rose, rose wood, ylang ylang, neroli, jasmine and hibiscus can all be used to help balance this chakra... I also began using Dr Bronner’s Rose scented body wash.

  • Cooking and enjoying sumptuous foods: good quality chocolate, honey, tropical fruits, orange foods, dairy and dairy alternatives are all said to balance a second chakra. If you are leaning more towards an overactive second chakra, ie addictive tendencies, than your challenge is to enjoy these foods in moderation. Feel pleasure indulging and eating, without going overboard. There’s a lot written on this topic, including my friend Carla Golden’s “The Healer’s Diet” - let me know if you want to know more.

  • Intimate touch: Where I used to melt into hugs and caresses, I found myself now recoiling. About 5 days after the surgery, my mid-wife was the first to place her hand on my abdomen and I felt like throwing up. I gradually began inviting her touch, asking my partner to simply place this hand over my belly for a few minutes a day, and giving myself massages with rosehip oil and arnica.

  • Alternative healing: I booked accupuncture sessions to help with energy blockages. Reiki could work well, as would massage. Find what appeals to you.

  • Expressing my feelings: This one is tricky when I keep hearing from even my closest friends that instead of expressing my sadness and feelings of loss around the cesarian, I should be grateful to have a baby and that sacrifice is part of motherhood. Gratitude and sacrifice do not cancel out the feelings of trauma, loss and sadness. I need to honour the complicated feelings I have, in order to heal.

This mantra helped validate this part of my process:

My feelings are healthy. Part of the miracle of being alive is having the capacity to feel, to learn and experience the world through my senses. I do not confuse this wonder with the greater wonder of love. I can allow myself to feel without fear. I am guided by the voice of my Higher Self, not controlled by my body. My body seeks only genuine and healing pleasures that are healthy and balanced.

What I have written here is not meant to convince your rebalancing your chakras will ultimately “fix” or cure physical or emotional ailments. Take what resonates with you, and leave the rest. That being said, I know from my own experience and that of my clients that using this information as part of the holistic healing toolkit, especially when it comes to interwoven issues around addictions, sexuality, intimacy, power, and feelings can be really empowering.

I’m curious to hear if you’ve used chakra balancing before? What have been some of your experiences?


8 ways to celebrate without alcohol

It’s my birthday week!! As promised, here’s my 8 ways to celebrate, sans-alcohol.

I'm not sure about you, but for me birthdays can be a mixed blessing. Mine always involved alcohol (sometimes too much), ranging from crazy adventures and good times, to missed meetings the next day, fights with loved ones, huge gaps in my memory and at least several recovery days after.

When I turned 30, I fell and hit my head on the cement, waking up with a huge goose egg on my forehead. I had no memory of this happening, only a painful reminder.

As I describe in the About Me section, this was a huge catalyst for me wanting to make some serious changes. Which I did, drastically reducing my alcohol and practicing periods of abstinences until right around a year later...

On my 31st birthday, I drank a lot of absinth and then passed out, missing out on a good part of my party. While the evening itself was fairly tame, crashing early and waking up with a massive hangover was lame.

I decided that I was finally going to leave the blackouts and hangovers behind. Last year I was drinking in moderation right before a long period of abstaining, and this year - I had no alcohol at all.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on the past year. I am really happy with where I am at in my life, and feel like the changes I wanted to make as I approached my 30s are finally falling into place.

Yes, it’s taken me 3+ years to be able to say that. Creating new patterns and ways of being in relationship to alcohol, to my body, and to life is not easy or fast. I’ve been undoing and re-writing over 15 years of my story.

Last week I wrote about ways to relax and release stress, without alcohol. This week, I wanted to write about how celebrate without alcohol - because it is in celebratory moments that many of us who previously turned to alcohol now feel like something is missing.

Our culture is such a powerful force in equating fun and celebration with drinking so that we might feel like it is not a real celebration if there’s no alcohol is the glass that we are toasting with. 

That’s why is extra important that we share our tips and support one another to find fun and meaningful ways to celebrate without alcohol. These are a few of my favourite tips, I’m looking forward to hearing yours!

  1. Make it bubbly. I don’t know about you, but having something bubbly in a fancy glass feels way more celebratory than errmm water. Try scented or naturally flavoured mineral waters and infusions, make virgin mimosas or any variation of juice + bubbly water, or spritzers (fruit + bubbly water + juice). Or try kombucha. While visiting the Pacific Northwest/West Coast of Canada, I was amazed to see that many restaurants have kombucha on tap right now. I was totally digging the bubbles and buzz.

  2. Enrol your friends for support. Let them know how important it is for you to have a great time, sans alcohol. If you are going to a dinner or house party, ask the host if you can contribute a delicious n/a alternative.

  3. Enrol the bartender. Most mixologists or drink alchemists or whatever bartenders are calling themselves these days will be pleased to get creative to make you something tasty. My standard is this “What the most delicious drink that you can make me, that’s not too sweet and doesn’t include alcohol?” I’ve been able to try some amazing creations this way, and usually for a fraction of the cost of an alcoholic cocktail.

  4. Dance! In your bedroom, in the kitchen, wherever you may be. Getting groovy with great music is a wonderful way to celebrate.

  5. Treat yourself to a massage, facial, mani/pedi, sauna or whatever will help you feel spoiled and celebrated.

  6. Buy a new outfit or accessory. I don’t usually advocate retail therapy, however, when you are getting used to the different experience of celebrating without alcohol, it’s important that you feel as ravishing as possible. If buying something new helps with this - then go for it! (ps, think of all the money you are saving by not drinking alcohol. You deserve a treat!)

  7. Indulge your senses. Try a new restaurant or sumptuous new culinary experience, or treat yourself to a delicious desert... and of course don’t forget to ask for that custom made n/a cocktail.

  8. Go on an adventure. Get out of your normal routine, explore a new neighbourhood, consult your local “what’s happening” guide for events that you might not normally go to, be a tourist in your own town. The key is to have fun, of course! Invite your friends, family or whomever you want to celebrate with and go play!!

What are your favourite ways to celebrate without alcohol? Please share in the comments! Also, let me know if you want a play by play of my super special 2 day long birthday celebration - that was so lovely, nourishing and fun that I didn’t even miss alcohol (which actually was a bit surprising to me!).

Looking forward to hearing from you,

xoxo