I haven't been drunk 4 YEARS!?! (what do YOU want to know?!)


Hello ,

September 18th will mark the last day I got drunk.

I woke up the next morning thinking "never again" and I meant it.

Even though I'd said this to myself before, countless times, this time something shifted deep inside of me. Never again (up until now anyway) stuck.

No more blackouts.
No more letting myself down.
No more days wasted hungover.
No more soul-crushing self-criticism and shame.
No more numbing. No more hiding.
No more taking the easy way out (aka the bandaid solution that allows the wounds underneath to continue to fester)
No more losing my grip on reality.
No more straying from my best yes in any given situation.
No more ignoring my intuition.
No more denying my healthiest self. No more abusing my body and mind.
No more feeling like alcohol controlled me instead of the other way around.
No more wondering if moderation was possible for me or just a pipe dream (believe me, I've had more than enough people tell me that once you have a problem with alcohol, it's impossible to moderate).
I could go on and on. But you get the point.

If you'd like to say "no more" to the damaging effects of alcohol in your life, you know that I'm here to support you in any way I can.

That's why I'm recording a very special 4 year not-drunk-iversary video for you.

I'd love to answer your questions. If there is anything you'd like to know about my 4-year journey, I'd love to know.

It takes a lot of courage to step into the unknown.

I didn't have many role models when I started out, and still don't. To be honest, it took me a few years to really truly feel confident in what my intuition was telling me - that it IS possible to control your relationship to alcohol without cutting out alcohol completely (if you don't want to).

So tell me, is there anything you worry about? Feel confused or doubtful about? Any nagging curiosity? As we used to say in the sexual health workshops I facilitate 20+ years ago (!!) - there are no stupid questions, no questions too big or too small.

I can't wait to hear from you.

(the video will be sent Friday, so don't delay!)


Flashback Friday and special invitation for September

Hello and welcome to September!

Since landing in Canada just over 3 weeks ago, I’ve experienced a series of flashbacks that have brought perspective to just how far I’ve come in this journey of self-re-discovery and healing.

Flashback to Trashy Tuesdays (7 years ago) when it was a source of pride to get drunk mid-week.

I somehow felt more at home with the misfits who were also out drinking on a Tuesday night. Looking back, the biggest common denominator we shared was a need to escape reality for on a weeknight using alcohol. We were at the local bar sucking back two-dollar highballs like there was no tomorrow. When tomorrow did of course arrive replete with a pounding headache and a stomach heavy with remorse, hump day was even more of a mountain to climb. This flashback hit me as I was dancing at the same bar at the unofficial after-party for our town’s Pride celebrations. I was sober and having a blast dancing in the middle of 6 foot tall drag queens and a medley of the town’s queer folk and allies, without a care of what anymore “else” (ie the bar’s very straight-seeming regular clientele) thought.

Flashback to 5 years ago when I heard the following words. “I need naloxone!”

The nurse shouted as he ran down the hall. “Naloxone? Is my mom having an overdose?” I had come back to Canada to support my mom during the recovery of a fairly routine hip surgery. I had called the nurse as my mom’s temperature had dropped and she seemed to be shaking uncontrollably and the became unresponsive. I knew enough about opiates to know this looked like an overdose and that Naloxone was an opiate-blocker given to those experiencing an overdose. Somehow, my mother’s IV had allowed too much morphine to be administered. I’m really good in crisis, and the nurse used me as his aid as he stabilized her condition. Yet I couldn’t emotionally process seeing my mom almost die (I don't know if she actually could have but that's what it felt like). That night I took the Seabus into the city for a get-together at a friend’s house, which turned into going to a dive bar for more drinks, which turned into showing up at a sketchy afterparty. I made it back to another friend’s house only because that friend had a daughter who was going to need to be up in the morning and she remembered to “be responsible” at 4am. I overslept to see messages on my phone from the original friend I was supposed to spend the night with, worried because I never showed up at her house, and from my sister because I was late arriving back to the hospital to help discharge my mom. We missed a ferry back to our hometown and I felt sick with shame for letting my family down. All of this came flooding back to me as we drove around the neighbourhood and my mom pointed out the hospital where she had her surgery.

Flashback to my hometown's Blackberry Street Festival 4 years ago.

I’d been working at my friend’s restaurant and drinking as much tequila as I could sneak in between busily serving beers and margaritas under a tent barely protecting us from the pouring down rain. My cousin and his partner were visiting, and they bravely faced the elements to come have a beer with my mom and keep me company for a bit while I worked. They were only staying for the weekend. Instead of going home to my mom’s after my shift was over, I went to the local bar (yep, same one that I frequented for trashy Tuesdays) to chase down someone I’d had my eye on. He was super drunk and had a coworker of mine hanging all over him. Me, with everything to prove, needed to feel like the chosen one and charmed him accordingly. We ended up stumbling up the hill to his sister’s house (none of us was fit to drive) and continuing the party aka drinking more. We eventually collided and experienced each other in ways that I’m sure neither of us quite remembered the next day. Waking up, still drunk feeling, and realizing I was in my friend’s daughter’s room and all I wanted was to get out of there. Instead, we went to A&W and I ate something that only enhanced my feeling of wanting to vomit. I got dropped off at my mom’s car, drove home slowly, head-swimming and put on a brave face as I sat down shame-filled at the table where my cousins were having a delicious homemade lunch with my mom. I was a few months into my Holistic Health Coach training program and felt, yet again, that I was living a double life. This flashback return as those same cousins came to Blackberry fest again this year. Instead of going out after the street festival, I couldn’t be happier to crawl into bed next to Luna and get up early to take our kids to the farmer’s market. That night I did go to a party and saw the same friend whose house I had said at 4 years ago (and whose little brother I had hooked up with). I danced without needing attention from anyone and was gratefully the designated driver, dropping off a few friends and waking up a little tired but totally clear the next day and able to enjoy time with family.

There are many more flashbacks but these are a few of the most powerful.

It is with immense relief that I can experience these flashbacks without feeling paralyzed by shame or remorse as I did in the past.

Instead I feel gratitude and compassion for that part of me.

That woman who still didn’t understand or love herself enough to choose differently… who often didn’t even know she had a choice.

I also recognize that I can feel this level of compassion and gratitude because I’ve come so far and have done so much work on myself, so much healing, so much forgiving.

I’m at a now safe distance and have no fear of slipping back to that version of me.

You might not be quite there yet. I get that. It took me awhile too.

That’s why it’s so important to me to keep offering the tools and support to help along the way.

September has always been a month that has brought the promise of change for me.

I love the energy shift as we head into the last quarter of the year.

This year I’m offering a 21-day “September Reset” for anyone feeling that they are ready to powerfully shift into the new season. I’ll be sharing all of my best tools and strategies - for free!

We start September 8th and you can sign up here.

Now I'm signing off to enjoy my last weekend in Canada, at the Sunshine Music Fest, before kicking back into gear and getting ready to reset next week.

I hope you have a fabulous weekend of "being present" and soaking it all in, and hope you will consider joining the reset too.


Intense energies and just "being"


"I'm in paradise," my friend exclaimed this morning as she lept down the path to the beach to go for a swim. "PARADISE!!"

No, I'm not back in Mexico.

I'm still at my mom's house on the Westcoast of Canada, the house I grew up in. I took a moment from multitasking trying to catch up on emails on my phone while side-eye keeping track of my toddler to pause and watch my friend's pure joy as she jumped in the invigorating waters of Malaspina Straight. It really is beautiful here and I'm so grateful that I'm able to be here for a visit.

More than that, I'm grateful I'm actually able to take the time now to just BE. To be present. To put the phone down. To spent time with my daughter and watching her fascination discovering a new world around her. To witness her relationship with her grandmother blossoming.

And on a much deeper level, I'm grateful to just be with myself. To have a bit of spaciousness. To be amidst the tall trees and the westcoast wilderness smells that heal my soul. To feel joy and gratitude and abundance. To feel loneliness and sadness and grief. All of it.

You see, I didn't used to let myself feel this deeply because I couldn't slow down enough to just BE. I was on some kind of insane fast track and I didn't even realize how little I allowed myself to slow down. I felt anxious and uncomfortable if I wasn't doing anything. Or guilty. It just didn't feel "right."

I had to train myself to truly take time for myself and be present. I still have the tendency to over-schedule and say yes to more than I can realistically do and keep myself distracted by the busy-ness of doing.

Many have commented that the energies have been intense recently. It could be the eclipse and what's going on in that stars. It most likely also has something to do with the tragic event in Charlottesville and the huge cultural wounds, racism and bigotry that have been so blatantly revealed again.

It can be tempting to want to turn away from the discomfort.

I encourage you to find ways in the next week to just be.

To be with yourself and your feelings, whatever might arise.
To be in moments of gratitude.
Moments of noticing.
Moments of divine presence.
Moments of confusion or pain or emptiness.
Moments of whatever.
If this feels new or strange to you, you might want to ask yourself, in one of these quiet moments, "what does it feel like to be me right now?"

I didn't used to think it was paradise here.

I didn't allow myself to feel the beauty of this place because it was still wrapped up in a lot of the pain in my teens years. It wasn't until I fully allowed myself to open up to healing, to slow down and FEEL, and yes, the full range of feelings and emotions, that I truly understood what a gift this presence and place is.

Next week is the last week of August. I'll be revving up and starting to share tips on how to have a supercharged (and sober, if you choose) September. However, I'm not going to rush. I'm committed to inviting this spaciousness and presence over the weekend and into early next week. I invite you to join me in creating these moments for yourself.


This Mantra changed my Life.


How are you?

I had this picture show up yesterday as a Facebook memory. It was taking in a nightclub that I regularly frequented… It was called Pontoon and was an actual old converted Pontoon Barge, which eventually got shut down.

The hole my killer heel punctured in the furniture would have become a hilarious anecdote amongst many for that evening. My life at the time was series of wild, alcohol-fuelled adventures that took me into some questionable (at best) and downright scary situations (looking back with the perspective I have now).

While I have no shame anymore about that time of my life, I still hesitated to share this memory on Facebook. Even though it is a photo that I posted publicly 7 years ago, it feels like another lifetime to me now.

I have a lot of compassion for that version of me, doing the best she knew how while immersed in the underworld of expat life in what was known as the wild west of South East Asia.

When I look at her, I in many ways see the same party girl that still lives inside of me now. The one who surrenders herself into music and loves to be the shining star on the dance floor.

But I also see sadness and pain… a deeply ingrained feeling of unworthiness and unlovability.

I’m still the sometimes party girl who loves to get dressed up and put on heels and dance the night away… when it feels right.

I’m also now the woman who honours herself and her energy levels.
I’m also now the woman who knows when it’s better to stay in, nurture and love myself in other ways rather than go out at night because I *need* it.

7 years ago I also attended my first retreat. It was called Volver and was hosted at a beautiful center called Haramara in Sayulita, Mexico.

Volver means “to return” in Spanish and “Haramara” is an indigenous Huichol word for Mother Sea - the source of everything.

My time there truly was a return to myself.

It was an opportunity to nurture myself, eating the most deliciously prepared foods, pampered in easy eco-luxury, supported by a sisterhood of loving women committed to their own healing and transformation.

And of course, Mother Sea, cleansing with her water and her gentle rhythmic sounds.

 It was a stark contrast to the life I was living in Cambodia. Heart-broken and ending a marriage, working in a job that sapped my energy and creativity, far from the support that I craved and the tools that would have helped me heal in a healthier way.

During that retreat at Haramara, I came up with a mantra that spoke to the healing with soul knew she was called to do.

I still feel moved to tears when I say this mantra to myself.

At the time, it was a stretch to believe the words.

“I am worthy and deserving of love just the way I am.”

Stemming from childhood experiences of abandonment and teenage experiences of trauma, I had always felt that I had to prove myself or earn love.

This led to years of overachieving and perfectionism, codependency, problematic alcohol and drug use and other self-harming behaviors… and years of what I now call numbing, running, and performing.

It felt like an uncomfortable and at times unbelievable stretch to believe I was worthy and deserving of love, just by being myself. Just by waking up, not having to “DO” anything.

To be perfectly honest, it is still my soul’s work.
It is still part of my healing.
But I’d say that on most days I believe I am worthy and deserving of love just the way I am… for at least a good part of the day.

Since that retreat and the profound internal shift that happened, I have stayed committed to my healing.

Though it took me several years after that to disentangle myself from my former relationship and career, and another few years to truly say that I’ve redefined my relationship to alcohol and other drugs, but I’ve kept showing up and kept doing the work.

I’ve continue to seek out opportunities for healing and transformation and have now become deeply committed to creating those experiences for others.

That is why I am so incredibly honored and grateful to be hosting our second Lucir retreat this year.

Lucir: to illuminate, to shine, to make resplendent.

Lucir is a powerfully transformative experience to help you show up for yourself and shine your brightest most beautiful inner light outward.

The next Lucir is scheduled for November 27-December 3th and from now until June 30th, we are offering 15% off. Three spots of the 11 available spots have already been filled, so don’t delay if you are interested!

Check out www.caitlinpadgett.com/lucir for all the info.

Let me know if you have any questions!


Oh I got high!

A week ago today, I felt on top of the world.

I was at the penthouse of the standard, with a 360-degree view of Manhattan. The temperature was perfect, the backdrop of the city-scape was stunning and as if it couldn’t get more perfect, the “strawberry full moon” rose in the horizon as dusk fell.  There was delicious canapes and custom made drinks, and the company was some of the industry leaders in the coaching and online business world.

It was one of the those “pinch me” moments.

I had traveled to NYC to celebrate my mentor’s 5 years in business.

At first, it seemed crazy to travel to New York from Southern Mexico for a party. Yet I knew how much I wanted to be there. It can be really isolating living and working from Southern Mexico and the chance to celebrate someone who had made such an impact on my life while also connecting with inspiring movers and shakers felt really important to me. It felt especially important after such a challenging 6 months, having to scale way back on my business while taking care of my mental and physical health during my separation and transition.

As soon as I set my intention to come - beautiful synchronous connections starting happening. Other women that I love and admire were going to be in the city that weekend, a monthly Goddess Brunch fell on that weekend, one of my first roommates who happens to now live in a super small town in British Colombia was in NY for the first time, I had the chance to connect with current and former clients in meaningful ways.

My schedule was packed yet I was able to take such good care of myself.

This is a far cry from even a few years ago, when I would have crashed and burned after such a stimulating weekend.

I felt so much gratitude that it felt effortless to be present, to soak in all the vibes, to feel authentically confident without needing alcohol to boost my worthiness artificially.

I feel like Selena’s party set the tone for the entire weekend. I couldn’t help but reflect on how different things would have been a few short years ago.

With an open bar and adrenaline-filled setting (for me), I would have been the last one there and the first one volunteering to keep the party going. In fact, I probably would have organized the after-party, as I was prone to do at conferences I had attended in the past.

I would have partied all night and still arrived early to my engagement the next morning. I would have done this to prove that I was “okay” and not a total train wreck. This was all so engrained in my over-achieving personality.

Most of the participants would have been fooled. My raspy voice and slightly glassy eyes might have given something away but only to the trained eye aka fellow over achieving party person.

I would have kept this up, likely all weekend. Running on adrenaline, caffeine, stimulants, and alcohol.

There were certainly physical ramifications, my skin was always breaking out. I was pounds heavier than my natural body weight. I got sick a lot. My sleep patterns were wacky and when I wasn’t drinking myself to sleep, I experienced insomnia.

Spiritually and emotionally, I was suffering. I used alcohol to mask feelings of unlovability and unworthiness, anxiety and depression.

After this incredibly uplifting and inspiring high-vibe weekend, I have had what could have only been described as a major comedown.

As you might have read in my last update, it started when I pulled out my computer on the plane to get caught up with work, and realized that I had the wrong computer! Somehow I had a computer identical to mine, but the username belonged to someone else! It must have been switched at the TSA security point. Worse, this computer was on loan to me while I attempted to fix mine that had been damaged by coffee spilling in my bag.

I had planned to spend several days in Mexico City to complete Luna’s Mexican passport application with Luis, before bringing Luna back to Puerto Escondido with me.

We spent hours at two different passport meetings and in traffic only to have Luna's application rejected TWICE (first time because of an incorrect stamp and second time because of an extra "e" in my name on Luna's Mexican birth certificate which means my name is different on that than on my passport.)

This means that I have to go to another city, the capital of the state in which Luna was born, and there's a series of steps and meetings that end in a meeting in front of a judge to get this paperwork changed (something that we weren't responsible for and hadn't even noticed).

This means extra trips, and the money I spent to change my flights and Luna's after our first application was rejected is effectively down the drain (also if they'd told us Tuesday what they told us at our second meeting Thursday, I would have just gone home and started the next process of fixing her birth certificate, but they didn't tell us that on Tuesday, so we spent these extra days in the city and got another notarized document done that we will now have to do again because it needs to be recent for application.)

Luna projectile vomited on the way to the appointment yesterday, and then again when we got to my ex-inlaws place. Days spent in cars and crowded hot rooms, following a series of unknown steps and only to be rejected, not having any alone time or nature to ground me, and finding my regular self-care practices somewhat elusive has thrown me off-center.

You know what’s amazing to me? The only time I really wanted a drink was when I first realized I had the wrong computer and I rush to tell the flight attendants and they were pouring glasses of red wine. The smell hit me and I thought, that would be so easy.

And yet, here I am. Staying present. Refusing to numb. Drinking chamomile tea when I can. Using my lavender oil(for calming) and cedar wood oil (for grounding). Trying to sleep. Taking a ton of deep breaths. Crying when I needed to. Feeling all the feels. Staying positive and in faith that there are reasons beyond my comprehension right now that this is unfolding this way. Instead of staying in the “why is this happening to me?” disempowered place, reframing into “How is this happening FOR me?”

I’d love to hear from you!

What’s your biggest take away from what I’ve shared? Is there anything in your life that you can reframe into a “How is this happening for me?” question? Is there anything else you’d like to know about how I navigated NYC almost entirely alcohol-free? (Because  I know you want to know - the only wine I had was half a glass of red with dinner when I arrived, a glass of Barolo with a fine Italian lunch, and another glass of red with BBQ during a jazz dinner. That’s it over 5 days and with tons of opportunities to drink!)


Am I being selfish?


In my last email, I wrote about hitting near bottom again, how I rallied support and the ideas that were born out of it.

Then I started to wonder if it’s “too much” me.

The old story of taking up off much space, of being too focused on myself, starts to show up.

It’s true - I’m creating the kind of program that I need and would want to be a part of. That I DO want to be a part of.

And when I release the old story about making this too much about me (and why is that a bad thing, anyway?)– I get so excited about having the passion, purpose, and inspiration to create something meaningful for myself AND everyone who decides to be a part of it.

Last week, I hosted an “Expansion Call” for my friend Maru Iabichela’s program Infinite Receiving. Maru hosts these calls 3 days a week for the duration of her 90-day program. Since she was going to be in Dubai, she asked a couple of her closest friends and co-creators to host the calls in her absence.

I woke up at 5:45 am to get ready and head to the office before the 7 am call.

I absolutely LOVED the experience of starting my day that way. I could see what she was hooked on it, and of said that the calls had been as much for her to channel the messages she needed to receive in her own life, as they were for her community. I’ve seen Maru soar the past year, from when she launched her program to now.

I totally get it. She has created something that, by actively and consistently participating in the content she is creating, and propelled her growth in a big way. And she’s taking hundreds of women along for the ride with her.

It’s beautiful and inspiring and something I want for us.

So am I being selfish by creating a program that meets my own needs? A program that’s designed to give me what I need to show up more fully, be present, grow and continue to BE MORE…


But I also know that the more I share from the heart and create based on what I KNOW is needed and WORKS, the more I am able to be of service and uplift others to join the path I’m on.

It’s co-creation and symbiosis.

It’s supply and demand.

This a community, we’ll grow together. For at least a year, and beyond.

But don't just take it from me ;)

Here are what a few of the Be More Members wrote about why they joined:

“I was feeling a bit stuck lately and have a strong desire to rewrite my story. I go overboard in a lot of areas in my life (mostly alcohol consumption/spending problems) so gaining a healthier relationship with myself where I feel the feelings instead of dulling them/pushing through them with drinking/spending. I'll never reach my health and finance goals if I continue on my current path.”

“I joined because I need a tribe of people that want to "go deep", to explore the good, the scary and the neglected feelings that I've numbed all my life. I am doing this "work" alone, which is necessary, but I also know a group is powerful and we can learn from each other. I'm ready to go to the next level and know with Caitlin as our guide - a guide that won't be "above us" but that will also share and get down to the dirty, gritty truths that allow us to grow and thrive.”

“My main reason for joining is to have a community of supportive like-minded women. I don't really talk about this part of my life with many of my friends and family and really value having a space to share things and talk about self-development and growth and positive life changes. And to also support others going through similar, or any kind of struggle really. And with Caitlin guiding and coaching I will continue on the path I'm on!”

I’m already adding new components, such weekly live Facebook Live training on Mondays and Fridays and I'm sure we'll keep adding as we go and more inspiration strikes.

All of the info right here. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out!

We officially kick off this weekend!! Are you joining us?


The Craziest Thing Just Happened (Dispatch from 34,000 feet in the Air)


Hello hello!

How are you?

I'm dropping you a line from 34,000 feet in the sky! I'm still processing an incredible, soulful, affirming 4 days in New York City.

Something that struck me so clearly was how EASY this trip was. I was able to set intentions and stick to them effortlessly. I was in a series of trigger situations and yet didn't have to spend extra energy or thought around drinking or not drinking or how much. I had a super packed scheduled and yet I honoured my energy levels and self care and am actually heading back to Mexico feeling rested.

While I spend time processing what really worked for me this time and how monumental one of the events was (sneak peak pics below), I thought I would share with you several of the blogs I wrote last year which are most of the "how to" from previous trips to was I used to refer to as "trigger city" - as I learned how to navigate New York City without alcohol, and of course learned so much about myself in the process!

"I got tipsy and I'm ok with that"
"It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To
98% alcohol free in NYC - wanna know how?

I also want to share something crazy that just happened, which I'm also still processing but it's so real for me right now that I can't not mention it!

After thriving my way through my stay in NYC, I am now having one of the biggest "I need a drink" moments that I've had in a long while.

I'm sitting on the plane from NYC back to Mexico, looking forward to getting caught up on work and my blog, and when I reach into my bag I realize that I have the WRONG COMPUTER!!

Somehow going through security I ended up with someone else's computer. I had wandered around, bought some gifts and snacks, and posted photos while at the airport because I knew I'd have 5 hours to work on the plane. So I pull out my computer as soon as we're able and immediately thought - this isn't mine!! But I couldn't allow myself to believe it until I opened it.

WTF. It's not mine. Thankfully this one has the person's name to enter when you try to log on, so I know his name. Mine computer doesn't have my name to log it, because it's not actually mine... It's a computer that was loaned to me when I spilled coffee on my computer and it was damaged beyond repair.

I immediately informed the flight attendants who are calling down to the airport but I probably won't know anything until we land in Mexico City.

I REALLY wanted to buy a drink. Actually, to be honest, I wanted the flight attendants to offer me one. They didn't, and I didn't buy one. I'm sipping on seltzer water, and then ordered a tea.

All I can do now is sit here and breathe deeply and wonder: "why is this happening FOR ME?" It's on repeat.

The woman sitting next to me actually commented on how calm I was while processing this. I then opened up to her and shared a bit of my story... that I was really proud of myself for not drinking given my history. And she said, "Of course. You are so much better off being present and really feeling what's going on rather than avoiding or clouding yourself from the outcome."

And she's so right, of course!! There is nothing I can do in this moment but have faith that it will work out and nurture myself through it. Stay present for the miracles that are surely happening.

Can you all take a collective deep breath WITH ME please? And send prayers that my/my friend's company computer will make it's way back to me and the reason for this happening is so much more awesome than I can even comprehend right now?

I really appreciate it, thanks!


Investing in Yourself

I recently finished my taxes (ok so full disclosure, I was late submitting my taxes this year because of the emotional/transformative vortex I found myself in and am only just emerging from).

As I added up my expenses, I was struck yet again by the amount of money that I had invested in coaching, professional development, courses, conferences, and retreats.

Want to take a guess at how much?

I spent 14,510$.

It’s a big number for me (for a lot of people, I’m sure).

However, as I sat contemplating that number - I felt nothing but gratitude.

Gratitude for the work I do.
Gratitude for the fact that personal development makes me a better professional.
Gratitude that my professional development is directly connected to my spiritual and emotional growth.

Gratitude that my work affords me the ability to invest so heavily in myself.
Gratitude for a line of credit with my bank that has helped me basically take out small loans for myself to cover these investments in myself.

Here’s the thing - in the past few years, I’ve invested a significant percentage of my earnings back into my business and MYSELF.

My first year in business, I spent close to 20,000$ on my coaching certification, working 1-1 with my own coach (at 900$/month) and other courses.

My second year in business, I scaled back significantly, but still spent almost 8,000$.

This year, 14,510$.

That’s over 40,000$ in three years!!

Why am I sharing this with you?

I think it’s important to be real about these numbers AND what it’s taken to myself to where I am today, both in life and business.

From the outside, people sometimes wonder how everything came together for me so quickly, or seemingly easily.

How I went from zero to successful online business in under a year.
How I’ve managed significant challenges in my personal life without derailing my emotional, physical and spiritual well-being - in fact, I’ve thrived through these transitions.

Yes, it’s taken a lot of work, grit, tears, grace, and forgiveness.
It’s taking a renewed commitment to myself, over and over again.
It’s taken a lot of SUPPORT, from the incredible community of friends and family that I have, and paid support.

I also want to be clear about something else.

About 5 years ago I took out a line of credit to pay for my life transition and continued education.

I had left my fairly well-paying consulting gig in Cambodia, but burned through my saving pretty quickly, going through a divorce, setting up a life in another country.

During my first year in Mexico I was earning PESOS and my combined earnings working in my dad’s restaurant and bartending were about 500$/USD per month!

I needed extra money to start funding my online education, which start first with an online business program for women entrepreneurs called B-School, and continued with several other biz and branding courses, then my health coaching certification with The Institute for Integrative Nutrition.

I’ve used this line of credit many times since, to help with these self-development investments or to pay off my credit card during the months I haven’t had as much income.

Yes, I’ve still carrying some “debt” but I see it as an investment in MYSELF - which is the most important thing I could be investing in.

As someone wrote on my recent Facebook post about this - I am my greatest investment.

I also know the ripple effect and believe the ROI (return on investment) is much greater than I can even quantify. I will see the ROI in my relationships, my daughter’s upbringing, my client’s successes, my ability to give back to community and so much more.

EVERY SINGLE PENNY has been worth it.

It’s interesting to me because I posted recently on FB asking people to guess how much $$ I”d spent on self-development this past year and I had a few people message me privately around the shame they’ve felt on the amount of money the spent on “themselves” ie healing and self-development and personal professional growth.

I’ve also had my own introspective process around spending. I realized that some of my original purchases were about worthiness and feeling not quite good enough on my own. I’ve developed a process of really checking in with myself and WHY I feel compelled to purchase a certain program before I had over my credit card.

I’m in no way writing this to suggest that you need to spend the same amount as I have, or even close.

I just think it’s important to be transparent about numbers - and it’s not often we hear the behind the scenes of what successful coaches and leaders invest on themselves.

I know that the investments I’ve made in myself make me a better a coach. If I’m asking my clients to trust in me and take the financial leap of investing in my services, I want them to know that I take investing in myself seriously as well.

In fact, I have what I now consider to be the equivalent of a professional Masters degree AND Ph.D. in exactly the kind of personal and professional education and healing required to effectively and conscientiously do my job well.


The Power of Presence (mindful drinking part 2)


Earlier this week, I was invited to participate in a traditional temazcal, a pre-hispanic sauna ritual. The adobe hut is circular and heated with volcanic rock. The ceremony is usually guided and the guide takes the participants on a journey of release and purification. The combination of the medicinal herbs in the water used to create steam, the visioning, the chanting and drumming, and teas sipped to hydrate create a powerful experience.

Ours lasted almost 2 hours. Divided into 4 parts, we set intentions during the first quarter, then chanted and released during the second, rejuvenated/integrated during the third and called in love and our visions for the 4th.

The second section was the most intense for me. The heat intensified, the steam was thick with the scent of the herbs and our sweat, the drumming and chanting vibrated my cells and the exertion made me light-headed. At one point I wondered if I could make it to the next break and thought about stepping out early.

However, that was the only time I was aware of my mind wandering. Every other moment was fully devoted, commanded even, by the experience.

When the guide finally called for the door to be opened, the light felt momentarily blinding. I felt my cells tingly as the coolish air caressed my skin and my lungs rejoiced as they filled with oxygen.

A cold-brewed herbal tea was passed around. We were instructed to take a sip and swish it around in our mouths before swallowing.

“Now notice the sensation in your mouth,” said the guide. "How does it feel to drink this liquid? What is the significance for you and your body?"

I was struck in that moment with the importance of mindfulness. Of how I was having this exquisite multi-sensory experience - my senses truly heightened. I felt the cells in my mouth receiving the hydration, the medicinal properties, the tastes, the temperature.

I immediate thought about the work we have committed to here - to Drink Less and Be More.

What if we brought this level of awareness to every sip that entered our body - alcohol or not?

It was one of the most powerful reminders that came to me during this Temazcalli experience. I left feeling recommitted to inviting this mindfulness into my daily living.

To sip with intention. To tune into what I am experiencing at any given moment.

Now, obviously we don't all need to jump into a super hot sauna every time we want to experience that heightened presence and awareness ;)

As Jon Kabat-Zin, one of the leaders in mindfulness research and awareness, writes "mindfulness is about living your life as if it really mattered, moment by moment by moment by moment.”

It’s about asking yourself, what do I really want or need in any given situation?

What is in the interest of my best self?

What does my body/mind/soul really crave right now?

What are some ways that you can bring more mindfulness into your daily life?

How can you use mindfulness as a tool for moderation?

I’d love to hear!


Feeling pain is a privilege, and here’s why...

How are you this week?

My current status has gone from emotional rollercoaster (which I rode for the first few weeks of my separation) to “deep in it.”

Moving into my new apartment was the catalyst for this deep dive into my feelings.

Going through the motions of packing my things and leaving the home Luis and I had built together as we were expecting our daughter’s arrival was really hard.

Having space and solitude as I settled into my new apartment and tried to make it feel like home meant there was room to feel the deep sadness, disappointment, and pain that had been barely contained beneath the surface for the past few weeks.

And something I’ve learned about being truly present and willing to feel pain with no distraction is that what rises to the surface isn’t necessarily only about the current experience but may trigger feelings and pain that had been suppressed in the past.

Which is why one heartbreak can feel like revisiting all love lost in the past.

Here’s something else I’ve come to learn.

Feeling our pain deeply is a privilege.

It means we are strong.
It means we are resilient.
It means we trust ourselves enough to know that we can survive this.
It means that we have faith that after the deep dive we will rise again, and thrive.

Knowing this and being able to risk the uncertainty means that we are privileged enough to know that our survival isn’t in question.

For example, I couldn’t feel the depth of pain from abandonment and trauma that I experienced as a child and teenager because I didn’t yet know I was strong enough.

I had to make myself strong enough by stuffing those experiences deep down where I wouldn’t feel them because to feel the depth of betrayal would have been unbearable at the time.

Some people go through their entire lives in survival mode, never feeling safe or supported enough to truly experience their pain.

The tragedy here is that when cut off from experiencing the depths of our pain, we are also denied the opportunity to feel the heights of our joy.

One of our FB support group members posted this quote a few days ago, and it resonated so much with me.

“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our whole lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

Brene Brown

Something else I’ve learned?

It’s really hard to be brave by yourself.

It’s really hard to take risks if you don’t know that you are supported.

That’s why healing truly takes a village.

Here’s who I have on my team:

  • A healer/therapist/energy worker/flower remedy expert/astrologer who I see at least every two weeks if not more frequently

  • A holistic business coach

  • A thetahealer, frequencies energy worker and essential oil expert on heavy rotation for consultations

  • A handful of “biz besties” who understand the complexities of being a mom,entrepreneur, and woman

  • Hundreds of women who are part of several groups I PAY to be a part of specifically because they bring together women who share the same values as me and who are committed to similar paths of healing, growth, and expansion

  • Supportive and loving family and friends

  • Our Evolve: Drink Less Be More support group

  • My clients - yes, I consider my clients are part of my team because their commitment to taking risks and showing up for themselves courageously reinforces my commitment to my own health and healing, daily!

It is because of this “village” that I feel privileged enough to deep dive into pain.

I’ll give you an example from a client.

She had basically been sitting on her homework of doing a fire release ritual because she was afraid of what would come up for her. After spending some time reaching out to the Facebook group, opening up to her husband, going to a support group locally AND having two sessions with me where I supported her to take this big step, here’s what she wrote to me:

“I feel amazing today!  Light, full of energy, and thinking that life has so many opportunities for me!  In January I was laying on the couch thinking I truly was finished with life, that there was nothing left for me.  I was done.  Moving from bed to couch to bed day after day.

Today I am feeling like I want more hours in the day because I have so many things I want to explore, to do, to create!”

Now, my client wouldn’t have had this experience if she’d stayed stuck in her cycle. She reached out and set multiple wheels in motion to create some massive shifts in her life. She felt fear, which even paralyzed her briefly, but she was able to move through it because she knew she was supported and safe. She had her team in place to hold her if need be. And now she’s experiencing the privileges - the full of energy and optimism.

Do you have your team?

Do you feel supported and safe enough to move beyond simply surviving into truly thriving??

There are still a few spots available for the Spring Cleaning Fire Ritual and private coaching at my super special "3 years in biz" offer. If you didn't get a chance to read about it on Monday, click here. 

It would be an absolute honour and privilege to be on your team and to support you during this powerful season of transformation and growth.