I cry every time I watch this
Hola hola...
Popping in here quickly mid-week to share this very special video and invitation with you.
Honestly, I cry every single time I watch it.
I am moved to happy tears, tears of remembrance and recognition, tears of the monumental shifts that were created during this experience.
Shifts in the lives of all 11 "Lucisters" and shifts in both myself and Terri.
In my last update I shared the mantra that changed my life (which I created at the first retreat I attended 7 years ago). I now count my experience at Lucir as another life-changing event.
I had named the retreat Lucir because I loved the idea of creating an experience that supported women to shine more brightly and to show up unapologetically, beautifully and brightly as the most expressed version of themselves.
What I didn't realize at the time (but my intuition certainly must have known) was how much I myself would be transformed by this experience.
I left Lucir realizing I could no longer hide parts of myself, I could no longer settled or shrink. While I have experienced tremendous growth and healing over the past 7 years, I still was keeping myself small in certain ways. Stepping into my role as guide/facilitator of Lucir, I released myself, stepping fully into my power.
The beauty of the experience at Lucir is that each woman made it her own.
It was a profoundly personal journey, with the container of support of a loving sisterhood - hence the terms we coined of "Lucisters" (Lucir sisters, or sisters-in-shine).
In celebration of the power of sisterhood, we've decided to add a very special bonus.
If you and a friend sign up during the early bird offer (until this Friday), you BOTH receive an additional 5% off. This means you both receive 20% off either the price of the dorm or the double room (both King Suites have already been reserved). We also have payment plans available!
This is the last time you'll be receiving an email about the early bird offer and invitation to bring a friend. You can read more about Lucir here.
This Friday we're back to business as usually with the blog - and I'm going to be starting an 8-part series that will reveal my 8 lessons learned on this recent journey to BE MORE ME. All completely free, just stay tuned right here.
I'm so looking forward to sharing.
xoxo
This Mantra changed my Life.
Hi,
How are you?
I had this picture show up yesterday as a Facebook memory. It was taking in a nightclub that I regularly frequented… It was called Pontoon and was an actual old converted Pontoon Barge, which eventually got shut down.
The hole my killer heel punctured in the furniture would have become a hilarious anecdote amongst many for that evening. My life at the time was series of wild, alcohol-fuelled adventures that took me into some questionable (at best) and downright scary situations (looking back with the perspective I have now).
While I have no shame anymore about that time of my life, I still hesitated to share this memory on Facebook. Even though it is a photo that I posted publicly 7 years ago, it feels like another lifetime to me now.
I have a lot of compassion for that version of me, doing the best she knew how while immersed in the underworld of expat life in what was known as the wild west of South East Asia.
When I look at her, I in many ways see the same party girl that still lives inside of me now. The one who surrenders herself into music and loves to be the shining star on the dance floor.
But I also see sadness and pain… a deeply ingrained feeling of unworthiness and unlovability.
I’m still the sometimes party girl who loves to get dressed up and put on heels and dance the night away… when it feels right.
AND…
I’m also now the woman who honours herself and her energy levels.
I’m also now the woman who knows when it’s better to stay in, nurture and love myself in other ways rather than go out at night because I *need* it.
7 years ago I also attended my first retreat. It was called Volver and was hosted at a beautiful center called Haramara in Sayulita, Mexico.
Volver means “to return” in Spanish and “Haramara” is an indigenous Huichol word for Mother Sea - the source of everything.
My time there truly was a return to myself.
It was an opportunity to nurture myself, eating the most deliciously prepared foods, pampered in easy eco-luxury, supported by a sisterhood of loving women committed to their own healing and transformation.
And of course, Mother Sea, cleansing with her water and her gentle rhythmic sounds.
It was a stark contrast to the life I was living in Cambodia. Heart-broken and ending a marriage, working in a job that sapped my energy and creativity, far from the support that I craved and the tools that would have helped me heal in a healthier way.
During that retreat at Haramara, I came up with a mantra that spoke to the healing with soul knew she was called to do.
I still feel moved to tears when I say this mantra to myself.
At the time, it was a stretch to believe the words.
“I am worthy and deserving of love just the way I am.”
Stemming from childhood experiences of abandonment and teenage experiences of trauma, I had always felt that I had to prove myself or earn love.
This led to years of overachieving and perfectionism, codependency, problematic alcohol and drug use and other self-harming behaviors… and years of what I now call numbing, running, and performing.
It felt like an uncomfortable and at times unbelievable stretch to believe I was worthy and deserving of love, just by being myself. Just by waking up, not having to “DO” anything.
To be perfectly honest, it is still my soul’s work.
It is still part of my healing.
But I’d say that on most days I believe I am worthy and deserving of love just the way I am… for at least a good part of the day.
Since that retreat and the profound internal shift that happened, I have stayed committed to my healing.
Though it took me several years after that to disentangle myself from my former relationship and career, and another few years to truly say that I’ve redefined my relationship to alcohol and other drugs, but I’ve kept showing up and kept doing the work.
I’ve continue to seek out opportunities for healing and transformation and have now become deeply committed to creating those experiences for others.
That is why I am so incredibly honored and grateful to be hosting our second Lucir retreat this year.
Lucir: to illuminate, to shine, to make resplendent.
Lucir is a powerfully transformative experience to help you show up for yourself and shine your brightest most beautiful inner light outward.
The next Lucir is scheduled for November 27-December 3th and from now until June 30th, we are offering 15% off. Three spots of the 11 available spots have already been filled, so don’t delay if you are interested!
Check out www.caitlinpadgett.com/lucir for all the info.
Let me know if you have any questions!
xoxo,
Oh I got high!
A week ago today, I felt on top of the world.
I was at the penthouse of the standard, with a 360-degree view of Manhattan. The temperature was perfect, the backdrop of the city-scape was stunning and as if it couldn’t get more perfect, the “strawberry full moon” rose in the horizon as dusk fell. There was delicious canapes and custom made drinks, and the company was some of the industry leaders in the coaching and online business world.
It was one of the those “pinch me” moments.
I had traveled to NYC to celebrate my mentor’s 5 years in business.
At first, it seemed crazy to travel to New York from Southern Mexico for a party. Yet I knew how much I wanted to be there. It can be really isolating living and working from Southern Mexico and the chance to celebrate someone who had made such an impact on my life while also connecting with inspiring movers and shakers felt really important to me. It felt especially important after such a challenging 6 months, having to scale way back on my business while taking care of my mental and physical health during my separation and transition.
As soon as I set my intention to come - beautiful synchronous connections starting happening. Other women that I love and admire were going to be in the city that weekend, a monthly Goddess Brunch fell on that weekend, one of my first roommates who happens to now live in a super small town in British Colombia was in NY for the first time, I had the chance to connect with current and former clients in meaningful ways.
My schedule was packed yet I was able to take such good care of myself.
This is a far cry from even a few years ago, when I would have crashed and burned after such a stimulating weekend.
I felt so much gratitude that it felt effortless to be present, to soak in all the vibes, to feel authentically confident without needing alcohol to boost my worthiness artificially.
I feel like Selena’s party set the tone for the entire weekend. I couldn’t help but reflect on how different things would have been a few short years ago.
With an open bar and adrenaline-filled setting (for me), I would have been the last one there and the first one volunteering to keep the party going. In fact, I probably would have organized the after-party, as I was prone to do at conferences I had attended in the past.
I would have partied all night and still arrived early to my engagement the next morning. I would have done this to prove that I was “okay” and not a total train wreck. This was all so engrained in my over-achieving personality.
Most of the participants would have been fooled. My raspy voice and slightly glassy eyes might have given something away but only to the trained eye aka fellow over achieving party person.
I would have kept this up, likely all weekend. Running on adrenaline, caffeine, stimulants, and alcohol.
There were certainly physical ramifications, my skin was always breaking out. I was pounds heavier than my natural body weight. I got sick a lot. My sleep patterns were wacky and when I wasn’t drinking myself to sleep, I experienced insomnia.
Spiritually and emotionally, I was suffering. I used alcohol to mask feelings of unlovability and unworthiness, anxiety and depression.
After this incredibly uplifting and inspiring high-vibe weekend, I have had what could have only been described as a major comedown.
As you might have read in my last update, it started when I pulled out my computer on the plane to get caught up with work, and realized that I had the wrong computer! Somehow I had a computer identical to mine, but the username belonged to someone else! It must have been switched at the TSA security point. Worse, this computer was on loan to me while I attempted to fix mine that had been damaged by coffee spilling in my bag.
I had planned to spend several days in Mexico City to complete Luna’s Mexican passport application with Luis, before bringing Luna back to Puerto Escondido with me.
We spent hours at two different passport meetings and in traffic only to have Luna's application rejected TWICE (first time because of an incorrect stamp and second time because of an extra "e" in my name on Luna's Mexican birth certificate which means my name is different on that than on my passport.)
This means that I have to go to another city, the capital of the state in which Luna was born, and there's a series of steps and meetings that end in a meeting in front of a judge to get this paperwork changed (something that we weren't responsible for and hadn't even noticed).
This means extra trips, and the money I spent to change my flights and Luna's after our first application was rejected is effectively down the drain (also if they'd told us Tuesday what they told us at our second meeting Thursday, I would have just gone home and started the next process of fixing her birth certificate, but they didn't tell us that on Tuesday, so we spent these extra days in the city and got another notarized document done that we will now have to do again because it needs to be recent for application.)
Luna projectile vomited on the way to the appointment yesterday, and then again when we got to my ex-inlaws place. Days spent in cars and crowded hot rooms, following a series of unknown steps and only to be rejected, not having any alone time or nature to ground me, and finding my regular self-care practices somewhat elusive has thrown me off-center.
You know what’s amazing to me? The only time I really wanted a drink was when I first realized I had the wrong computer and I rush to tell the flight attendants and they were pouring glasses of red wine. The smell hit me and I thought, that would be so easy.
And yet, here I am. Staying present. Refusing to numb. Drinking chamomile tea when I can. Using my lavender oil(for calming) and cedar wood oil (for grounding). Trying to sleep. Taking a ton of deep breaths. Crying when I needed to. Feeling all the feels. Staying positive and in faith that there are reasons beyond my comprehension right now that this is unfolding this way. Instead of staying in the “why is this happening to me?” disempowered place, reframing into “How is this happening FOR me?”
I’d love to hear from you!
What’s your biggest take away from what I’ve shared? Is there anything in your life that you can reframe into a “How is this happening for me?” question? Is there anything else you’d like to know about how I navigated NYC almost entirely alcohol-free? (Because I know you want to know - the only wine I had was half a glass of red with dinner when I arrived, a glass of Barolo with a fine Italian lunch, and another glass of red with BBQ during a jazz dinner. That’s it over 5 days and with tons of opportunities to drink!)
xoxo,
Am I being selfish?
Hi!
In my last email, I wrote about hitting near bottom again, how I rallied support and the ideas that were born out of it.
Then I started to wonder if it’s “too much” me.
The old story of taking up off much space, of being too focused on myself, starts to show up.
It’s true - I’m creating the kind of program that I need and would want to be a part of. That I DO want to be a part of.
And when I release the old story about making this too much about me (and why is that a bad thing, anyway?)– I get so excited about having the passion, purpose, and inspiration to create something meaningful for myself AND everyone who decides to be a part of it.
Last week, I hosted an “Expansion Call” for my friend Maru Iabichela’s program Infinite Receiving. Maru hosts these calls 3 days a week for the duration of her 90-day program. Since she was going to be in Dubai, she asked a couple of her closest friends and co-creators to host the calls in her absence.
I woke up at 5:45 am to get ready and head to the office before the 7 am call.
I absolutely LOVED the experience of starting my day that way. I could see what she was hooked on it, and of said that the calls had been as much for her to channel the messages she needed to receive in her own life, as they were for her community. I’ve seen Maru soar the past year, from when she launched her program to now.
I totally get it. She has created something that, by actively and consistently participating in the content she is creating, and propelled her growth in a big way. And she’s taking hundreds of women along for the ride with her.
It’s beautiful and inspiring and something I want for us.
So am I being selfish by creating a program that meets my own needs? A program that’s designed to give me what I need to show up more fully, be present, grow and continue to BE MORE…
Maybe.
But I also know that the more I share from the heart and create based on what I KNOW is needed and WORKS, the more I am able to be of service and uplift others to join the path I’m on.
It’s co-creation and symbiosis.
It’s supply and demand.
This a community, we’ll grow together. For at least a year, and beyond.
But don't just take it from me ;)
Here are what a few of the Be More Members wrote about why they joined:
“I was feeling a bit stuck lately and have a strong desire to rewrite my story. I go overboard in a lot of areas in my life (mostly alcohol consumption/spending problems) so gaining a healthier relationship with myself where I feel the feelings instead of dulling them/pushing through them with drinking/spending. I'll never reach my health and finance goals if I continue on my current path.”
“I joined because I need a tribe of people that want to "go deep", to explore the good, the scary and the neglected feelings that I've numbed all my life. I am doing this "work" alone, which is necessary, but I also know a group is powerful and we can learn from each other. I'm ready to go to the next level and know with Caitlin as our guide - a guide that won't be "above us" but that will also share and get down to the dirty, gritty truths that allow us to grow and thrive.”
“My main reason for joining is to have a community of supportive like-minded women. I don't really talk about this part of my life with many of my friends and family and really value having a space to share things and talk about self-development and growth and positive life changes. And to also support others going through similar, or any kind of struggle really. And with Caitlin guiding and coaching I will continue on the path I'm on!”
I’m already adding new components, such weekly live Facebook Live training on Mondays and Fridays and I'm sure we'll keep adding as we go and more inspiration strikes.
All of the info right here. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out!
We officially kick off this weekend!! Are you joining us?
xoxo,
The Craziest Thing Just Happened (Dispatch from 34,000 feet in the Air)
Hello hello!
How are you?
I'm dropping you a line from 34,000 feet in the sky! I'm still processing an incredible, soulful, affirming 4 days in New York City.
Something that struck me so clearly was how EASY this trip was. I was able to set intentions and stick to them effortlessly. I was in a series of trigger situations and yet didn't have to spend extra energy or thought around drinking or not drinking or how much. I had a super packed scheduled and yet I honoured my energy levels and self care and am actually heading back to Mexico feeling rested.
While I spend time processing what really worked for me this time and how monumental one of the events was (sneak peak pics below), I thought I would share with you several of the blogs I wrote last year which are most of the "how to" from previous trips to was I used to refer to as "trigger city" - as I learned how to navigate New York City without alcohol, and of course learned so much about myself in the process!
PAST NYC Blogs:
"I got tipsy and I'm ok with that"
"It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To
98% alcohol free in NYC - wanna know how?
I also want to share something crazy that just happened, which I'm also still processing but it's so real for me right now that I can't not mention it!
After thriving my way through my stay in NYC, I am now having one of the biggest "I need a drink" moments that I've had in a long while.
I'm sitting on the plane from NYC back to Mexico, looking forward to getting caught up on work and my blog, and when I reach into my bag I realize that I have the WRONG COMPUTER!!
Somehow going through security I ended up with someone else's computer. I had wandered around, bought some gifts and snacks, and posted photos while at the airport because I knew I'd have 5 hours to work on the plane. So I pull out my computer as soon as we're able and immediately thought - this isn't mine!! But I couldn't allow myself to believe it until I opened it.
WTF. It's not mine. Thankfully this one has the person's name to enter when you try to log on, so I know his name. Mine computer doesn't have my name to log it, because it's not actually mine... It's a computer that was loaned to me when I spilled coffee on my computer and it was damaged beyond repair.
I immediately informed the flight attendants who are calling down to the airport but I probably won't know anything until we land in Mexico City.
I REALLY wanted to buy a drink. Actually, to be honest, I wanted the flight attendants to offer me one. They didn't, and I didn't buy one. I'm sipping on seltzer water, and then ordered a tea.
All I can do now is sit here and breathe deeply and wonder: "why is this happening FOR ME?" It's on repeat.
The woman sitting next to me actually commented on how calm I was while processing this. I then opened up to her and shared a bit of my story... that I was really proud of myself for not drinking given my history. And she said, "Of course. You are so much better off being present and really feeling what's going on rather than avoiding or clouding yourself from the outcome."
And she's so right, of course!! There is nothing I can do in this moment but have faith that it will work out and nurture myself through it. Stay present for the miracles that are surely happening.
Can you all take a collective deep breath WITH ME please? And send prayers that my/my friend's company computer will make it's way back to me and the reason for this happening is so much more awesome than I can even comprehend right now?
I really appreciate it, thanks!
xoxo
