5 top tips to create a shift (plus embarrassing moment to affirming one)

Yesterday I pulled up to my dad’s hotel and there was a woman standing outside. She was hoping to rent a room, and was being informed that the hotel was full. I was about to start suggesting some alternatives as she turned to me and exclaimed “Caitlin! We met 6 years ago.”

“We partied together,” she continued. “It was with you that I drank absinthe for the first time… it made me kind of crazy.”

I wish I could say that my eyes flashed recognition as my brain recalled the memory of meeting her but I drew a complete blank.We partied together? Absinthe? Surely I would remember some of the details. I racked my brain to try to remember the times I had drunk absinthe in our town (because there were plenty of other times in other cities around the world), and whom I would have been with at the time. Very quickly I felt myself flooding with shame, embarrassment and remorse for the completely and total absence of a memory.

Then came the words that changed the entire interaction from mortifying to affirming.

“You know,” she said. "I follow your blog now. I know that you decided to get sober. I think it’s so cool that you live here now, where we used to party, and that you’ve chosen and been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle even though the possibility of that other life is just down the road. It’s really inspiring.”

Wow.

And it’s a truth that I feel that I sometimes do not give myself enough credit for.

I live in a town known for its debauchery and excess, where the party doesn’t start warming up until midnight, where as a woman you can drink for free anywhere you chose and the amount of alcohol available staggering.

I live here, and every day I am making a choice to be healthy when all of the other options are available to me still.

I am sharing this story with you because if I can do this here - in the face of daily temptation - so can you.

There is nothing special about me. I simply made a choice to start doing things differently, and I stuck to it.

On September 19th, 2013 I firmly made the declaration to never be intoxicated again (I say firmly because I had said this before but it hadn’t stuck. This time was going to be different).

I tried periods of abstinence and of carefully planned moderation. I explored my triggers and dug deep into healing. I faced fears about myself that I had been hiding from for years. I researched and rallied the resources that would work for me. I declared my intentions and mindfully created new habits that would serve my health long term.

None of that makes me special or different from you. I made a decision just as you have. I know you have because you are reading this blog. The only thing that might separate me and you right now is how we are following through on the decision.

Everything that was available to support me on my path is available to you too.

I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 tips that can help create that permanent shift you are seeking.

These are the tips that clients and readers say have helped them the most, and have created “aha” moments or helped press the reset button.

Five tips to create that shift:

  • Visualize yourself the next day, and work  Create your vision: If you want to wake up with energy, clarity, positivity, passion, whatever it might be… then what needs to happen the night before? This isn’t just about how much alcohol you drink, but how much sleep you get (and the quality of sleep), how hydrated you are, how peaceful your brain is, how calm your heart etc. We spend so much time thinking about what we don’t want (I don’t wanna be drunk anymore, I don’t want to feel like shit, I don’t want to let myself down). It is critical to shift these thoughts to what we do want, and focus on that vision DAILY, and especially before a night out or heading into a trigger situation.backwards

  • Arrive and Assess: I consistently receive feedback from readers that this is one of the tips that has helped them reset their drinking habits in a big way. Wrapping up after a stressful day at work? Arrive and assess. Is pouring yourself a glass of wine really the best thing for you right now? What could you do instead? Going to a restaurant or bar? What about ordering something non-alcoholic instead and sipping that slowly, while you remind yourself of your intentions for the evening. At a networking event? Challenge yourself to start three new conversations before grabbing that free glass of liquid courage.

  • Find fun alternatives: This goes for both activities, and beverages. Simply trying to remove alcohol without adding in anything that stimulates your senses, provides stress relief, or a feeling of pleasure (insert your desired feeling/experience here) will make follow through a lot harder because, let’s face it - restriction is boring!

  • Make a declaration: stop living in your head! We often self-sabotage when left up to our own devices. It’s waaaayyy to easy to succumb to the easy way, or the unconscious habits we’ve spent years cultivating (and this is especially true when we are triggered). Sharing my story with others helps me stay accountable to myself. Whether it’s telling your partner, best friend, sister or making a public declaration about your intentions on Facebook, stating your intentions clearly and honestly will help you follow through. I’m so open about my lifestyle choices that now when I arrive at an event or dinner party, friends automatically offer me something non-alcoholic and make sure to have yummy, healthy alternatives ready. This certainly makes it easier for me to follow through on my intentions. Now, I’m not suggesting that you need to start blogging or posting about your intentions around alcohol. It took me years to get to the place where I am comfortable sharing what I do. In the beginning, I had a couple of trusted friends, and my coach. Then my boyfriend joined the support team.

  • Build Team: Speaking of support teams, who’s on yours? No one should go through this alone. As I said to a new client this week - it is invaluable to have someone in your corner. We all deserve that kind of support. Mine came in the form of friends, family members, mentors, coaches and now my online community as well. Who can you enlist?

As always, I would love to hear which of these tips is working best for you and why. Or, if there's another tip that you have tried that I haven't included, let me know by commenting below!

by Caitlin Padgett

Gratitudes Thanksgiving

I am not from the United States yet I always love an opportunity to share my gratitude. If you've read my book or worked with me, you know how important gratitude is for healing, transformation and making your dreams a reality. So let's share our gratitudes, shall we?

Here are the top 8 things I am grateful for right now:

  1. I am grateful for supportive friends and family and to be surrounded by amazing community that spans several countries and indeed, stretches around the world

  2. I am grateful for the absolutely blessing bestowed on me in a little, energetic, inquisitive, funny bundle of joy called Luna Azul.

  3. I am grateful for my clients who trust me with their process

  4. I am grateful to everyone who contributed to making my book a reality, to everyone who bought my book, shared the news and wrote a review. If you haven't yet - I will be forever grateful if you do so now! It is the perfect companion through the holiday season.

  5. I am grateful for warm water to swim in and sun to relax my body

  6. I am grateful for an abundance of nourishing, locally grown, organic food - year round!! It's one of my favourite things about living where I do.

  7. I am grateful for my health and strong body

  8. I am grateful to have the freedom to follow my dreams and make manifest my heart's desire. This is a privilege I do not take lightly - and I intend to use it better serve my community and the world.

Your turn!! What are you grateful for? Make sure to hit reply and let me know. If you want to take it one step further, try making a daily practice of writing down a minimum of three gratitudes every day for the next week.

by Caitlin Padgett

Do you belong to the cult of busy?

I really wanted to touch on a theme that become so glaringly obviously to me during my last 2 month long trip in Canada.

I’m sure you’ve seen many other articles or blogs in the past couple of years about the so-called “cult of busy:" the normalization of being too busy all the time, wearing busy-ness like a badge of honour and making it a part of our daily identity.

If you are a member of this cult, you’ll know the common answer to the question “how are you doing?” is something along the lines of “crazy busy! Oh, you know, swamped. Like, so busy. There’s just so much going on right now.”

I felt like I was extra sensitive to it this time round. Maybe it’s because by “normal” standards, my life in Mexico isn’t that busy. Busy-ness certainly isn’t celebrated in the same way. My busy-ness is here is actually met with scepticism and concern, because it goes against the grain of the reasons why most foreigners chose to live in this chilled-out beach town. People here are busy doing things they enjoy: surfing, spending time with family, reading books… just like retired people are busy with their social activities. It’s a different kind of busy, a soul-satisfying kind of busy that differs from the “cult of busy” I’m referring to here.

I also feel particularly sensitive to other people’s busy-ness in relationship to this precious time in my daughter’s life. I am so acutely aware of how quickly time is passing, how fast she is growing, and that she’s only going to be a baby for so long.

Good friends proclaimed they were just too busy, couldn’t make the time, or could we squeeze in a visit during a 30 minute lunch break, or combine it with a power walk? I was keenly aware of the impact of these words. I felt sad. Not so much for me, but for the fact that they were missing out on such a beautiful experience to share with me and my daughter.

Then what hit me even deeper was that it was like a mirror to my own entrenched experience in the cult of busy that has only recently begun to shift (and as you read in the last newsletter, I still struggle with taking too much on). I realized I was also sad for myself, the part of me that had missed out on experiences like this in the past.

It wasn’t so long ago that living life in a chaotic whirlwind, only just managing tiny increments of time for the things that ultimately should matter the most: family, connected friendships, new life, relaxation, creation. I kept myself so busy that I know that I damaged relationships. This again is why I was so sensitive to this behaviour in others, because it was an insight into how some people in my life must have felt around me. When I was so deeply embedded in my self-imposed mania, I didn't see how hurtful my actions were to the people that were closest to me.

I was curious as to where term “cult of busy” came from, and it turned out it was coined by author Scott Berkun. He writes, “When I was younger I thought busy people were more important than everyone else. Otherwise why would they be so busy? I had busy bosses, busy parents, and always I just thought they must have really important things to do. It seemed an easy way to see who mattered and who didn’t...This is the cult of busy.”

Yet for me the drive to busy-ness is often about something deeper for many of us women. It can be tied into our feelings of self-worth and value, yes, but it is also a way of keeping us so distracted.

It’s a way of numbing ourselves to feelings of loneliness, disappointment, pain, and anxiety.  We keep ourselves excessively busy for the same reasons that we drink alcohol, binge eat food, or move quickly from one relationship to the next, never allowing ourselves time to really just be with ourselves.

I also know that when I was entrenched in busy-ness, the only I ever gave myself permission to turn off or slow down was when I was either drunk or hungover. Rabbi Elise Goldstein eloquently writes: for many of us, our busyness is a drug, and we use it dangerously. We overprogramme on purpose. We stretch ourselves to prove something. If we are brutally honest with ourselves, we will admit that often we use our excessively hectic schedules to escape ourselves. To escape the one thing we strive to cope with over these holy days: our inner life, our minds, and our spirits.

What about you? Does any of this feel familiar to you?

If you find yourself spread too thin, missing time with close friends or family, or answering the question “how are you?” more often than not with something to do with how busy you are - try some of these tips.

Reframe your response

We all get busy sometimes. Have a looming deadline for work? Say so. Inadvertently overschedule our week? Offer an apology and acknowledgment that you are stretched too thin. You can also try shifting your language using the following suggestion from Laura Vanderkam’s article in the Wall Street Journal.

Instead of saying "I don't have time" try saying "it's not a priority," and see how that feels. Often, that's a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don't want to. But other things are harder. Try it: "I'm not going to edit your résumé, sweetie, because it's not a priority." "I don't go to the doctor because my health is not a priority." If these phrases don't sit well, that's the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don't like how we're spending an hour, we can choose differently.

You may decide not to say “this isn’t a priority” outloud - but it can be a really great indicator of what is going on inside.

Is it a "hell yes?"

Ask yourself… is this a “Hell Yes??” If it is, then go for it. If not, then consider prioritizing differently.

Chose quality over quantity

Do you really need to go to every event you get invited to? Are all of your acquaintances bringing something meaningful into your life, or are you saying yes to your boyfriend’s sister’s boss’s birthday because you don’t want to be home alone on Friday night?

Log your time

If you are really confused about where all your time is going, and to help gain clarity around how you are spending your time, it can be helpful to log your time spent doing different activities. Are you really as busy as you think? Are there areas of your life that can be readjusted in order to prioritize self-care and connection? In her article in LifeHackers, Janet Choi recommends connecting your attention and action with a time audit. “Break down how you spend time on the computer with RescueTime. Or see how you answer the questions of "What did you get done today?" and "What did you pay attention to today?" over time using iDoneThis.”

Be revolutionary

Creating a new normal and going against the grain can be tough sometimes, especially when you are surrounded by SO. MUCH. BUSY-NESS. I used to brag that the reason I accomplished so much at such a young age was because I didn’t sleep. I now make a point of emphasizing the things I do for self-care. I communicate my desire to free up more time, rather than fill it. And I’m honest about when this is a struggle and when I’ve fallen back into the time-trap.

Together we are strong, right? Let’s create a new normal together…

Is the cult of busy really one that you want to be a member of? What about the cult of revolutionary self-care and connection?

Are you with me? Let me know in the comments if you are. I’d love to hear one action you will be taking (or have already taken) to make more room for presence in your life.

I’ve also included a chapter with even more strategies on this topic in my upcoming guide: Drink Less, Be More. Pre-sale info will be coming soon - are you excited!?! I am!! I can’t wait to share it with you.

Cheers a relaxing weekend ;)

xoxo

Ps. I have a new instagram account dedicated to Drink Less, Be More! Follow for daily inspiration, yummy drinks and lifestyle tips. Find me at @drink.less.be.more

by Caitlin Padgett

Ugh... crash and burn... now what?

It happened. After such a wonderful high from finishing my manuscript (yay!! Drink Less Be More to be published next month!!) and starting off my "supercharged September" with vigour, intaking new clients, new collaborations, whirlwind visits in Canada, a professional photoshoot for my book cover, studying and writing the final exam for my advanced coaching certification, aaaaand being a super-mama to my almost-11month old daughter who is going through a sleep regression phase, then a week of travel to finally make it back to my home in Southern Mexico... I crashed.

Like, meltdown couldn't hold back tears state of total emotional and physical exhaustion kind of meltdown. Meltdown like my basic problem solving / rational skills where gone. Meltdown like I had to stop myself from totally spiralling out of control by remembering all of the self care tools I talk about with my clients kinda meltdown.  Meltdown like all of a sudden my commitments felt like too much, I felt guilty about not sending my blog last week (though I know you weren't holding your breath, right caitlin? And don't worry, those juicy revelations are still coming this Friday ;), like all I wanted to do was curl-up in a fetal position on the floor kinda meltdown.

I won't go into the details as they aren't really important. A lot of it can be summed up by the fact that this is my "deep work:" my pattern of taking on too much, overcommitting myself, and putting way too much pressure on myself. It runs deep and is almost ever-present. I am getting a lot better at catching myself in the pattern, at saying no, at taking sips rather than gulping at life and opportunities but it is a new way of being I must learn and remind myself of.

Just like you, dear one. I know we're in this together, which brings me comfort. We're committed to unlearning the patterns that brought us to the point of wanting / needing to change, and writing new stories for ourselves.

I am committed to sharing this with you because I have a feeling you can relate. Another aspect of my "deep work" is the need to appear perfect, like all is well, always.

The fear bubbles up.... if I share this, you're going to think I'm incompetent. My clients who read this are going to question my abilities. The people who are thinking about working with me are going to have doubts.

I've come to listen to the fear. It is usually a signal that something is worth doing. We don't get to do the deep work without pushing through the fear that usually protects us from going deep. From showing up and being real and raw and vulnerable and human. 

I've also come to appreciate these meltdown moments because they are usually an important indicator that it's time to check in with myself about my self-care habits and rituals. It's probably not surprising to you that some of my most important rituals had fallen by the wayside recently.

These are the rituals and habits that keep me grounded and more able to handle the ups and downs that life inevitably throughs my way.

1) A non-negotiable morning routine: This is the basis of almost a whole chapter in my upcoming book. Starting the morning with a solid self care routine is one of the #1 factors that highly successful people state they do daily. This includes "you time" ie if you have kids and / or a partner, it's even more important for you carve a little slice of time just for you. I recommend that your morning routine be holistic and nourishing for your mind, body and soul.

The focus on the mind/soul can include meditation and/prayer, practicing gratitudes, journaling on desires or intentions, mindfulness or self-compassion practices.

The focus on the body can include starting your day with an alkalizing water + lemon, a cup of herbal, green tea or yerba mate, a nutritious and alkalizing green juice or smoothie, stretching, yoga, a walk in nature, a bubble bath (to start the day, what a treat!).

The key is to find a few of these practices that work well for you, and make them a priority no matter what. Even if it means getting up 30 minutes earlier (you might also try going to bed 30 mins earlier - we'll get to that in a bit).

When you start each day with intention and focus on self-nourishment - you are more likely to make decisions with clarity and calm, feel prepared for the unexpected, and welcome more abundance and awesomeness. 

My morning routine was only half there with so much travel, different accommodation, and exhaustion. I am recommitting to the mind/soul aspect of my practice. What can you do right now to change your morning routine to a more nourishing one caitlin?

2) Call in an SOS: There's a reason why I have an extra 20 minute session built into my monthly coaching program for my clients. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball, have a fight with family or a partner, or you suddenly find yourself completely overwhelmed (or any combination of these things and more). Having a safe person(s) you can call and express your raw, uncensored feelings to is so important. Sometimes the very act of reaching out and saying "I'm feeling like sh*t right now, I can't cope, I need help" can help you feel less along.

This also allows us to feel our feelings without stuffing them, or turning to food, alcohol or even more business to hide the pain. Feel and deal, as they say. The first has to happen before the second is possible.

Yesterday I put the call out to 3 people. As soon as I gave myself permission to have these feelings and share them, the weight started lifting.

Who can you call for an SOS caitlin? Make a list of at least 3 people, more if possible. People are busy and it's great to know there's more than one person you can call in case of a meltdown moment. If you need support in this area, respond to this email and let me know.

3) Follow through / keep your word: This is a biggie. In times of overwhelm and pre-meltdown, you might start to feel things slide. You miss an appointment. You don't respond to emails. You have outstanding bills. You change your mind about a commitment you've made, but instead of being honest about it, you avoid the situation all together.

From the outside, this makes sense. If you aren't able to show up for yourself, how can you be expected to show up fully for other people? 

The problem is that leaving things undone creates an underlying anxiety that will keep you feeling stuck and unable to work on the deeper healing that's needed. It is emotional baggage that weighs you down.

Set aside 1 hour of time, and follow through on everything you've left slide. This doesn't mean you have to say yes again to everything you've committed to. It means being honest about what you can do. If you've changed your mind or are too busy / overwhelmed / financially stretched / fill in the black - let the other person know. If you've missed an appointment or cancelled yet again on coffee with a friend, write to them and let them know that you are sorry that you can't follow through right now.

Is there anything you've left hanging? Any amends that need making? Any bills left unpaid? Set aside an hour THIS WEEK to take care of these things. Trust me, you will feel better, lighter, and will create more energetic and emotional space for your own healing. 

4) A nourishing bed-time routine: Just as important as starting your day with intention, is ending it with intention. The following are some steps to take to ensure peace of mind and healing sleep:

  • Turn off cell phones, social media and tv at least 30 minutes before bed - though an hour before is ideal.

  • Do a "brain dump" - write down anything that's nagging at you, any of your major to-dos for the next day.

  • Make amends - did you fight with your partner? Find a way to make peace before bed. My grandma always used to say, "never go to bed angry," and I try to live by that. If it's not possible to speak directly to the person you'd like to make amends to, write them a letter in your journal. You may or may not ever send it, but it's important to clear the energy around this. You might want to revisit this during the hour you've set aside for the step above.

  • Self-care - tea, cacao, bubble baths, stretching, candles, self-massage, gentle music, meditation, guided meditations / visualisations, the list does on. Again, the key is to find what works for you to let go of your day and prepare yourself to sleep. You might need to start preparing yourself for bed earlier than you are used to.

  • If you are someone who relies on a glass of wine or three to unwind at the end of the day - the step is particularly important. Really spend some time exploring what alternatives will work for you. If you aren't able or wanting to cut wine out completely, try cutting down on the quantity - such as from 3 glasses to two, or from one glass to half a glass.

Also try to drink your wine earlier in the evening and not right before bed. I also go into this in a lot more detail in my upcoming book, but drinking alcohol right before bed disrupts your sleep cycle and though you might feel like you are shutting off your brain and falling asleep more quickly - you will actually sleep more fitfully and wake up more tired.

These are my top tips for dealing with overwhelm and impending meltdowns. We are creatures of habit and creating solid routines and rituals are crucial for our health. We are also social creatures, so having a support system and following through on our social bonds and commitments are equally as important for your well-being.

What are your favourite strategies for coping with overwhelm or meltdowns? Have I missed anything here? Let me know!

As always, can't wait to hear from you.

xoxo

by Caitlin Padgett

Caitlin Padgett, your coach for drinking less alcohol, enjoys a cup of tea on the couch.

What is normal?

This desire to feel “normal” with our relationship to alcohol is something I hear so often, so I know I’m not alone in this feeling.

I used this sentence in my last blog post (see below) and it triggered a heartfelt response from one of my best friends.

“Caitlin,” she said, “when I read that I felt like what you were saying is that I’m not normal, which implies that there’s something wrong with me.”

She was also quick to remind me of a webinar we had listened to where the host kept talking about “normal people,” distancing herself and other “problem-drinkers” from people who didn’t have a perceived problem with alcohol.

This is actually language I hear often from people in recovery-based programs. There are the “normies” and then there are those in recovery. I remember how odd it felt when I was introduced to someone through a dear friend and former heroin user who actually said, “Are you a normie or one of us?”

On the one hand, I understand this form of othering. When you are part of the minority, the 10-15% of the population who suffer strongly from addictions, it is a form of finding community and solace. “We might be weird/strange/different/addicts and have a set of experiences that no one who hasn’t been an addict can understand, but at least we’re in it together.”

I also can totally understand where my clients are coming from when they say, “I just want to drink like a normal person.”

When I hear “normal” I know what my clients really mean is not overthinking it, not debating internally over whether to have a third glass, not stuffing the fear that you might lose control, not using alcohol as a substitute for something else.

Normal means average, standard, keeping with the status quo.

It means how we perceive others when we are at a restaurant and see someone ordering one glass of wine, or splitting a bottle between two people but declining the third partial glass. It means how we view that new girl we meet at a party who totally knows she’s done after 3 drinks. It means watching some leave their cocktail half empty after last call and doesn’t rush to the bar for for “one more for the road.”

But is it really so clear cut? For those of us slightly outside of the “norm” described above… does that make us abnormal?

The reality is that many more of us fit into the spectrum between what is considered normal drinking and problematic drinking - the difference is that we don’t talk about it. It’s not socially acceptable to say that we might have a problem, precisely due to this fear of “othering.” The idea that if you have a problem with alcohol you must be an alcoholic, or you must choose sobriety as your only option, is often what prevents many people from getting support.

The black/white idea has been perpetuated by more traditional approaches to addictions… even so far as creating the concept of denial. You are either an alcoholic, or you’re not. You have a problem, or you don’t. But if you have a problem and aren’t able to admit you're an alcoholic, then you must be in denial.

Unfortunately, this idea keeps a lot of people from seeking support, or looking for alternatives. As Dr Joseph Nowinski, a psychologist, researcher and author of “The Almost Effect” writes in his Psychology Today article The myth of the “fine line” separating normal from problem drinking:

“So when men or women whose drinking might place them fairly deep into this zone argue that they are not alcoholics, they may not be in "denial." That's not to say that these people are not experiencing behavioural  emotional, or physical problems related to their drinking; but the truth is that they are not yet dependent on alcohol, and abstinence may not necessarily be the only viable option open to them.”

Which is where my work comes in - supporting women to find options that are meaningful and relevant to their unique lives and experiences.

It is also where the challenge of “naming” what we experience or desire becomes a bit more difficult. I was describing this challenge to a new member of my team last night - saying that I feel like I have to use a lot of words to describe what I do.

This brings us back to the question of how to define our drinking in terms of the ideal, in terms of the changes we want to make.

My friend suggested “healthy” vs “unhealthy” drinking… which probably has a less stigmatizing effect than normal vs abnormal.

I often coach clients to talk about the changes they’d like to make in terms of their health… when you tell others you are changing your drinking because you want to be healthier - it is harder to argue, whereas speaking in terms of “problems” with alcohol can be quite triggering to others.

What do you think?

What about searching for other adjectives that represent how you want to feel about alcohol such as balanced, independent, collegial, fun, unattached, flirtatious, casual?

For me, the ideal is definitely casual. We see each other every once and awhile, but it’s no biggie. Alcohol’s not what I turn to when I’m sad, in need of support, feeling lonely or wanting to have a wild time.  I now know how to access these things without alcohol.

It is so important to get clear on what you want your relationship to alcohol to be. Without this clarity, it is almost impossible to work towards a goal. Imagine training to run a marathon, and expecting to finish without a map or a even knowing where to cross the finish line?

What is your ideal relationship to alcohol? What adjective would you use to describe this goal? Let me know in the comments!

Did this blog resonate with you? Can you imagine a larger conversation where it would become more comfortable to discuss these ideas without fear of judgement?

Please share this with someone you’d like to loop into the conversation, let’s start creating a groundswell :)

And make sure to open next week’s email which will be about the cult of busy, lost friendships and some interesting/hard revelations from my time in Canada (yep, I’ll be on the plane back to Mexico next week!)
xoxo

by Caitlin Padgett

Two revealing moments and a confession

This past week was an important one for me - there were two moments that hit me with such a profound sense of gratitude and awareness of the new me, the new normal I had created for myself, the sense of contentment and ease that I feel deep into my inner most self.

The first was the morning after an annual event that happens in my hometown, called the Blackberry Festival. I woke up early, energized, bright eyed, took in the incredible view in front of my mom’s house and all of a sudden the sensation of how different I was feeling that morning compared to the morning after the festival two years ago overwhelmed to the point where I felt stunned for a moment.

The second moment was the photoshoot I did last night for my upcoming book. I was feeling a bit awkward getting started - I haven’t worn heels for awhile and I was feeling kind of wooden. My photographer kept prompting me: connect with the feeling Caitlin. What do you want your readers to know that you are feeling? Everything you are feeling on the inside will show in your eyes, in your face.

Suddenly I was able to sink into the feeling: bold, confident, sassy, clear, aware, sensual, satisfied… as I began swaying my hips to the music, twirling, strutting, playing… It hit me.

I really am that person. I wasn’t playing a part, pretending to be the version of myself I wished the world would see but that I didn’t quite feel on the inside. That is me.

You see, almost exactly two years ago I was still grasping. I was in one of the most “triggering” places for me to be: lonely (on a break from my now boyfriend and baby daddy), in transition (working as a waitress while studying health coaching), about to take a risk (leaping into running my own business and announcing to the world that I was going to work with women and alcohol).

What most people don’t know is that I was using alcohol, often and a lot, to get through that time. From the outside I seemed like a woman with a plan and a purpose, confident in her self-exploration. Inside I was scared and feeling lesser-than.

Two years ago I was drinking champagne in the afternoon to get comfortable in my photoshoot for my current website - yes, this one that shows people who they can be if they redefine their relationship to alcohol. This is a hard one for me to confess - I still struggle with my own feelings around needing to hide what I perceive as flaws and weaknesses.

Two years ago I was still using alcohol to find intimacy and comfort, to assuage the fear of failure, to quiet the self-doubt. I woke up after the Blackberry festival two years ago, after an after party that didn’t end (because I didn’t want it to), with a guy I was only superficially into and with pounding headache.

Worse was than the headache was the the heartache - I was breaking my own heart because I was still stuck in old patterns of coping - and the cognitive dissonance I was experiencing (the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change) was becoming hard to live with. (Next month I will write about my final catalyst moment, in celebration of two years drunk-free… so stay tuned for that!)

Fast forward to this week - where I enjoyed the festival without needing the night to continue into alcohol-fuelled adventures. Where the life I have created is so fulfilling and brings me so much joy that I want to be present for every moment of it. Where I woke up feeling satiated.

To last night at the photoshoot, where I realized that I wasn’t posing, I wasn’t pretending to be confident - I was, and am. We poured a half of a glass of wine at the end of the shoot and I drank the wine like a “normal” person.

Having another half a glass of wine with our sushi dinner felt normal. It also felt normal when arriving back to my friend’s house a teeny bit buzzed (I’m a lightweight now) and he offered me another drink, I said, “no thanks.” No internal debate, no struggle, no weighing pros and cons. No chasing the adrenaline high from the photoshoot, looking for more. I knew how I wanted to feel, and I knew that the amount I drank was enough. It was enough because I am now so full of myself, so fully enough to myself, that I don’t really need more of anything to feel wonderful.

This desire to feel “normal” with our relationship to alcohol is something I hear so often, so I know I’m not alone in this feeling. One of the first questions I ask during my initial consultations (I still have some times available) is “What is your desired relationship to alcohol in 6 months to a year?”

“I want to have one glass of wine and not have it lead to more.”

“I want to enjoy a cocktail every once and awhile with the confidence that it won’t lead to a crazy night and blackouts.”

“I don’t want to have that internal dialogue anymore."

“I don’t want to feel shame around having a drink or two every once and awhile.”

“I want to feel normal.”

The reality is that the majority of us can achieve that “normal” relationship with alcohol. Studies show that of all the people that try alcohol (or any other drug for that matter) only 10-15% will ever experience addiction. That means that most of us can learn how to moderate, if that is what we chose.

Though alcohol is so pervasive in our culture, moderation is a skill that many of us are not taught.  We are forbidden to drink it and then turn to it in excess. We tend to have this all or nothing attitude. We aren’t taught how to have a healthy relationship with alcohol and if we do develop a problem, we are not given many options on how to deal with it.

Some choose sobriety and that’s great. Yet many others I speak with want to redefine their relationship to alcohol, shift their baseline to a new normal, and get to know themselves better in the process. The good news is, this is possible for the majority of us!

It is possible to feel so full of yourself that you know you are enough. That you don’t need any more to feel confident, at ease, or truly happy… Where having a glass of wine is like the icing on an already delicious cake, but you could take it or leave it because you are already satisfied. The key is to discover a new recipe where wine (or your alcoholic beverage of choice) isn’t one of the main ingredients.

The past two years of my life have been some of the most challenging, and some of the most rewarding. In addition to my own journey into deeper self-awareness, acceptance, and love - I have supported many other women to do the same.

I want this for you too! Whatever the vision of your “new normal” is - I believe is it possible for you, and it will be far from normal - it will be exceptional.

I’ve opened up a few more times in my calendar to connect. My schedule is almost full but I love these conversations so much that I’ve decided to offer a few more opportunities for us to talk. If you haven’t yet scheduled a time to do so, click here.

xoxo

by Caitlin Padgett

Your Wallet Will Thank You For It

Last week I had a meeting with the young co-founder of Cabaret Design, an up and coming social media marketing firm, Josh Kallmeyer.

We were discussing the whole concept behind “Drink Less, Party More” and how to get the message out to more people (stay tuned for this – some exciting new initiatives coming your way soon!)

“I love the concept,” he said to me. “I love to go out but personally don’t like to drink, and my wallet thanks me for it!”

I hadn’t really ever heard someone so young put it that way before. I thought to myself … Wow, yeah, there’s a reason this guy is seeing so much success (both financially and in terms of recognition) at such a young age. He’s focused, with his eye on the prize, and he knows where he wants to invest his money--on growing his business and not on something so fleeting as drinks at the bar.

He’s figured out something before his early 20s that took me about a decade longer to get a handle on.

From a purely financial standpoint drinking alcohol equals money down the drain, quite literally.

A recent article on Time.com showed that by going out a couple of times a week, and drinking moderately, you could easily end up spending around $7,000 a year.

(This is, of course, dependent on where you live … it could be less, but it also could be a lot more).

Now, what if you don’t like to go out, but prefer a glass of wine to unwind at the end of the day? Let’s say that you buy on average one $10 bottle of wine a week. That’s $520 a year right there, that’s probably on the very low end, assuming you only ever drink inexpensive wine at home and never buy drinks when you’re out.

Either way you look at it, it adds up. It adds up to the extent that I refuse to do the math on how much money I’ve spent over the years – I prefer to be in the dark about the actual amount (yes, I’m still in denial).

I’m now acutely aware of how that denial exists in others as well. I frequently hear from clients or friends, “I can’t afford that” or “I have no money.” During discovery sessions, financial challenges are one of the number one struggles that many bring up with me. Yet these same people are often unwilling or just not ready to look at the hard truth around how much money they are spending on booze that they could be spending elsewhere, like on quality organic food, fresh flowers, spa treatments, massages, personal development (ahem coaching!) and more.

I remember watching Gabrielle Bernstein, best-selling author of A Course in Miracles and Spirit Junkie, talk about how she replies to comments that a daily fresh juice “habit” is expensive. “When I stopped drinking, I realized how much money I was saving by not buying alcohol. One or two fresh juices a day is still less expensive than the cocktails I was drinking before, and way healthier for me in the long-term.”

Instead of wallowing in the past choices I made and how much money I spent ...

When I asked Josh (young start up co-founder) around whether abstaining from alcohol had ever been an issue in the development of his business, he replied that he hadn’t encountered it as an issue, and if it was, he would question whether these were really the people he wanted to be collaborating with in the first place.

Clearly, it’s only as much of an issue as we want it to be. Using the excuse, “I had to drink with the investor/client/boss, etc” may be more of an excuse for yourself to drink than you care to admit. Because when you find other ways to connect, network or impress … ways that are more aligned with your health, financial success will soon follow.

However, you don’t have to quit drinking altogether for your wallet to thank you, (though obviously you’d get the biggest THANKS if you did).

Cutting out just one or two drinks a week could save you between $500-1000 a year.

And if that’s not motivation to cut back, I don’t know what is!

Start making a list now of the wonderful treats you’re going to spend these savings on. Rewards make the process of drinking less alcohol all the more sweeter, wouldn’t you say?

Share your list in the comments, I'd love to hear. And if you'd like to schedule a time to talk, feel free to book that here.

xoxo,

by Caitlin Padgett

Am I Really as Happy as I Look on Social Media?

A couple of days ago I was having a Google hangout with my former coach (and current friend! ;)

(You may have already heard me speak about how important my work with my coach was to my own healing, growth and eventual development both personally, and as coach.)

We were catching up after not speaking for a few months.

She said something that really struck me. She said, “You know Caitlin, from what I see on social media - your life now looks really amazing! Is it really as good as it looks?”

You see, my coach-friend knows the backstory. From the time we first started working together almost two years ago, she helped me through crazy ups and downs--wrenching heart-aches, bouts of crippling self-doubt, supreme challenges to my mental and spiritual wellness, my commitment to redefining my relationship with alcohol (challenged to the enth degree), and also the challenges of having a very high risk pregnancy and being in and out of the hospital … And all of this in the first year and a half of my business!

And she knows from her coaching background, that what we usually see on social media often isn’t the whole picture, hence her question.

I took a moment to before responding ... “I think it’s probably 95% as good as it looks online.”

The other 5% are inevitable challenges of being a new mom, entering a co-parenting relationship and still running an online business (from Southern Mexico!!) ... things I don’t really feel like sharing on social media.

Yet even the challenges aren’t that difficult to deal with because they are all part of the deliberate creation of MY life. I am in control again. And the Universe has my back.

The truth is, I am really really happy. It is a pure, joyful, uncomplicated feeling,and it is so freeing.

As I celebrated my first Mother’s Day this past weekend, I couldn’t help but count my blessings. When Monday morning rolled around, it struck me. I hadn’t even thought about alcohol all weekend.

I have consciously created a life full of joy and wellness. I have so many things to celebrate (without alcohol) that it finally feels effortless.

Treats included: indulging in “dessert for dinner” at my favourite frozen yogurt place, tons of fresh fruit, a house filled with flowers, ice cold coconut water at the beach, a delicious brunch and then my favourite meal for dinner. All infused with love, and a partner who doesn’t need alcohol to celebrate--so it’s completely off the radar.

I spent the entire weekend so exquisitely present and tuned in - and that was the best gift I could have given myself.

I get really emotional when I think of the gift it will be to my daughter. I’m not perfect, by any means, but I’m committed to doing the work to be the best me I can be, for myself first and foremost, and then for my family.

I want this for you too!

I want you to know that it is possible for you. You can start living your best life now.

If you’re still wondering how to get from here to there, you know you can set up a time to chat. >> Book here.

I couldn’t have experienced the weekend I just had without the support I received along the way, and you shouldn’t have to do this alone either.

xoxo,

by Caitlin Padgett

Alternatives to Coffee and Wine - how to switch it up

Do you ever have the feeling that you can’t get it all done in a day and need that extra boost of energy, but then need some help slowing back down and unwinding at the end of the day?

While the following information can be useful for anyone whose life is just a little too busy; it’s ESPECIALLY important for the new mamas.

Why for moms? Simple. If we’re breastfeeding and providing nourishment to our babies, then we need to take extra care of our bodies. And in those next couple of years of toddlerlandia, we need all the natural energy we can get (and ways to unwind that aren’t alcohol).

“She asked me how I got it all done… coffee and wine sweetheart, coffee and wine.”

I had never really noticed these posts before becoming a mom, and of course now I see them everywhere!

From comments and posts on friends’ Facebook walls, to memes like the one above, it seems like the modern day prescription for mamas is to caffeinate the days and then to use wine to unwind at night.

If that’s your strategy and it’s totally working for you, i.e. you feel great morning, noon and night, and you truly believe you are giving your body the nourishment it needs, then carry on my friend.

But if you wake up sluggish with a dull ache (or pounding) between your temples, feel that “need” for a cup of coffee (or three) to get going, and start wondering if mid-afternoon (or earlier!) is too early to pour a glass of “mommy juice” then this blog might be for you!

Let me first preface by saying - I GET IT!!

I quit coffee during my pregnancy and abstained during my first couple of months after birth. Though I desperately wanted it, my baby was born premature and was so tiny that I was convinced I would get her high with just a few sips.

However, the more she grew and bigger she became, the more time she spent awake and the less time I had for naps, which meant I started craving coffee more and more.

It started with half a cup in the morning, then a whole cup, then an afternoon demitasse before seeing clients… it was a fast and slippery slope back into full caffeination.

And oh, red wine, you temptress you. Oh sweet relief at the end of the day.

As you know, I was sober for quite awhile before even getting pregnant, and other than the occasional craving for champagne during my pregnancy (anyone else experience this?) I didn’t really give alcohol much thought during my pregnancy.

Then came the long days, the even longer feeling nights, the inevitable challenges of going back to work while juggling the responsibilities of running a home, a partnership, a baby, and running my own business.

I know what it’s like to feel so depleted that you want the easiest solution possible.

And I know how easy it is to find that solution in a bottle.

That’s why the following suggestions (except for maybe the first one) are meant to be easy. With a small investment up front, a little bit of practice and preparation, you can begin to replace coffee and wine (or your booze filled bevy of choice) with these options. Your body, and baby (if you have one), will thank you for it!

Get it done (energy boosters and increased focus):

1. Before thinking of herbal stimulants to help you get it all done, here’s a thought for you. Don’t! Just DON’T do it. Give yourself a break. It (whatever it is) doesn’t have to be finished today. And when it does get done (if it does) it doesn’t have to be perfect.

How: Resist the urge, ask for help, release expectations, let go of the “shoulds.” Ahhhh… doesn’t that feel better already?

2. Take naps. I remember being told “sleep when the baby sleeps.” That’s nice I thought, but what about the cleaning, cooking, organizing, writing, working, etc. Shouldn’t I be doing that while the baby sleeps?

First, see the point above. Second, challenge yourself to lie down, put your feet up on some pillows, and cover your eyes with a cool, lavender scented cloth. There are significant benefits to simply closing your eyes for 5-15 minutes. Set your timer or the alarm on your phone to ease you out with a gentle chime or tone. Trust me, you’ll feel so much better after!

3. The following are my favourite coffee substitutes in that they give me a kick AND taste good.

Matcha: it’s a high grade, finely milled or powdered green tea. High in Vitamin C and antioxidants, matcha also increases energy, boosts focus and memory, AND enhances calm. Pretty sweet combination for the busy mom/woman.

Use: can be blended with favourite milk or nut milk to make a latte, or even whisked with hot water for a tea. I add teaspoons to my green smoothies in the morning, and blend with ice, banana, almond milk and vanilla. It makes a great afternoon pick me up smoothie as well! And can also be added to oatmeal and other foods. For more examples of how I use matcha regularly, follow my Instagram @coachingwithcaitlin

Raw Cacao: In its raw state, chocolate has more than 300 nutritional compounds and is one of the richest sources of antioxidants of any food on the planet! Long considered a 'happy food,’ chocolate is a popular treat when we need 'cheering up.’ Recent research has discovered that cacao contains chemicals (such as Phenylethylamine* and Seratonine) which are scientifically proven to be present in the brains of people when they are happy, more relaxed, playful and creative. To me, this sounds pretty perfect for the stressed out soul. Instead of increasing the jitters with coffee, use cacao to enhance your happiness.

Use: Can also be blended into a hot beverage in the morning, or added to smoothies throughout the day.

Maca: Usually found in powdered form, Maca is actually a root vegetable from Peru. Known as Peruvian Ginseng, Maca has been shown to elevate moods and energy, and is used as a performance enhancer by athletes. Maca has also been found to balance hormones and can be used to alleviate menstrual cramps, anxiety and mood swings. Maca is rich in vitamins B, C, and E. And it provides plenty of calcium, zinc, iron, magnesium, phosphorous and amino acids.

Note* you may read that pregnant or lactating women should avoid taking maca. This is because no testing can be safely done on pregnant or lactating women, though Peruvian women have used maca through pregnancy without any known negative effects.

Use: A little goes a long way. Try a teaspoon (or less) added to smoothies or decaf coffee or your cacao or matcha latte. Again, check out my instagram for more recipe ideas. @coachingwithcaitlin (look for my Unicorn Fuel posts… curious? You should be, check it out!)

Yerba Mate: Yerba mate tea is a South American beverage made by steeping the ground leaves and stems of the yerba mate plant. Yerba mate is a central nervous system stimulant containing caffeine, but it also contains a number of other nutrients, including antioxidants, amino acids, polyphenols, vitamins and minerals. It also enhances the ability to focus, physical performance, reduces stress, and is rich in antioxidants. Are you seeing a theme here?

Use: Best steeped like tea … can be enjoyed hot or cold. There are now several commercial brands available with different flavour combinations such as mint and cacao.

Other blends: Now that you know what to look for, see what other blends include these ingredients might be available at your local health store or online, or create your own! One of my new(ish) favourite Canadian companies is called Harmonic Arts and is based in Vancouver. They have an online store found here: www.harmonicarts.ca

Special note on cost: Yes, some of these ingredients are expensive. But are they really more expensive than your coffee (and wine) habit?

Reframe and realise that these are an important investment in your long term health and well-being.

I’ve started asking for some of these ideas as gifts. The picture below shows a collection of different items that I’ve received from three different visitors recently.

When people ask what they can bring the baby, I gently redirect the request to what mama needs to care for the baby more healthfully. And seriously, how many more onesies does a baby need?

Wind me down (relaxation and ease):

This one can be a bit tricky, as I haven’t found quite as many substitutes for wine that give me the same, or similar feeling.

I’ve come to learn that setting the space, and creating a multi-sensory sensual experience is vital to creating a relaxing ambiance.

Pro tip - if you find reaching for the bottle has become way too habitualized, you may need to clear your house of temptation for a while.

Replace your cupboards with aromatic teas, hot raw cacao, or a square of fine dark chocolate (see the benefits of raw cacao above).

Lay down on the floor. Have you tried that recently? Feel your shoulder blades draw together as your chest opens. We spend so much time hunched over computers, chores and babies that we forget what it’s like to feel this expansion. Close your eyes. Breathe into your toes and fingertips.

For more relaxation tips, check out my 11 alternatives to wine.

I truly believe that mothers are the real superheros on this earth and in celebration of Mothers Day, I’d love to share these tips far and wide - can you help with this?

If you know a mama who could use this info - please forward this post to her.

If you try any of these alternatives, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

xoxo

by Caitlin Padgett

The Power of Friends

One of my very best friends flew in to visit me last week. She’s made the trip from Canada to visit me in Mexico more times than anyone outside of my family.

I started counting down the days to her arrival weeks in advance!

I wanted to share this tribute to her because Chanel de Silva is more than a friend.

She is my closest confidant, co-conspirator and co-creator.

Our 13+ year friendship has probably been one of the single biggest building blocks in the foundation of my business and brand.

The other night, we were reflecting on our individual and shared journeys.

We were remembering a shared Google doc we had started to write to each other while I was still living in Cambodia. I decided to look it up and re-read it.

You are amazing Caitlin, and I am so grateful today that you and I are doing this.  I can honestly say, although I have all these amazing people in my life, you are the ONLY one I can share some of my darkest experiences with, and who I can talk about my drinking with, no veil, no judgement - just honesty and love.  Thank-you. Oct 7th, 2010

Wow!! These words were written 4.5 years ago and we still share those exact sentiments.

What’s incredible to me is that we are still there for each other. Through our ups and downs.

What’s validating is that I now know that I offer that same unconditional love and support, without judgment, to my clients.

EVERYONE needs and deserves a champion.

Whether your goal is to:

  • eliminate alcohol completely

  • be able to handle your alcohol so that you don’t black out,

  • take a break or learn moderation,

  • never be drunk again

  • OR to drink one less drink a night

WHATEVER your personal goal is and as many times as it changes, you need that person (or people) who love, support and “get you” without judgement!

Chanel de Silva is that person for me. She’s seen me through some of my craziest phases, through periods of abstinence, through learning moderation, more sobriety, and back again.

Before arriving to visit in Mexico, she sent me a message to check in about my intentions around alcohol. She wanted to make sure that she wasn’t going to trigger me in any way, especially since we spent many, or most even, of our trips together drinking lots of champagne!

I remember 5 years ago when I was going to take a 30 day break from alcohol. I shared this with my sister, and she said, “Why only 30 days? What, can’t you go longer?”

While I know she had my best interest at heart, I immediately felt judged and defensive.

This is in contrast to sharing this intention with Chanel, who immediately said, “That’s GREAT! In fact, let’s do it together and help keep each other accountable.”

It was then that we started a shared Google doc to write our reflections to each other. This continued during our 30 days and beyond, as we set new intentions for moderation.

Part of the success of any ‘program,’ whether recovery, abstinence or 12-step groups lies in the strong community and the role of sponsors to help provide accountability and support.

I have been VERY fortunateto to have some incredible support along my journey. Next week I’ll introduce you to one of my favourite sober sistas to share some of her philosophy.

I asked Chanel what she would want to share with my community… and if I could feature her as part of the inaugural “Unfiltered Five” - a new series of questions I’ll be asking to peers of our community, thought leaders and experts.

1) What made you want to change your relationship to alcohol?

There were a few things actually…

There was a definite shift that happened in my mid thirties. Instead of waking up and calling my girlfriends and laughing about our gaps in memory and meeting up for brunch to try to connect the dots and laugh about it, I started waking up feeling anxious, ashamed and wanting to isolate. It wasn’t as fun anymore.

My drinking was definitely having negative effects on my relationship. My partner, who never really drank much to begin with, didn’t really like when I drank or partied too much, and the longer we were together, the more of a problem it became.

Finally, I have really big goals for myself over the next 20 years and know that I can’t achieve them if I don’t have a healthy relationship to alcohol, and all the other things that make me healthy: food, working out, sleep, and spiritual well-being.

2) What is the best thing about changing your relationship to alcohol?

My anxiety levels. I now very rarely feel anxious and I’m aware that it’s both because I live my life in a way that I don’t have regrets, and also because I know that alcohol can actually be anxiety-inducing. So now I don’t put myself through that.

3)  What has been the most challenging aspect of changing your relationship to alcohol?

Realizing that it’s not something that’s going to go away completely. I can have 8 months or a year, and then it only takes one night of partying and not setting my intentions or being conscious, to kind of put me back into that unhealthy relationship.

4) What is your most useful tip to someone wanting to change their relationship to alcohol?

I’d say my best tip is don’t pre-drink before going out. It never ends well!

I also like the idea of when you first arrive somewhere, ordering something non-alcoholic first. Allow yourself time to assess the situation and see how you feel.

5) Any final words of wisdom?

You don’t have to go at this alone. Make sure that through your process you have that one person you can trust and who can support you.

Do you have anyone who truly “gets you”?

I encourage you to reach out, or try the journal idea.

If you feel isolated or alone, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Remember, NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS ALONE.

I’m here for you. We’re here for you. Just click here to set up a time to chat.

by Caitlin Padgett