Last week's scary shit.
If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you’ll know what a significant week last week was for me.
It marked my 3 year anniversary of “not getting drunk” aka escaping into alcohol.
The actual 3 year anniversary passed me by and it wasn’t until 2 days later that I noticed the date. What is even more amazing and gratifying is that I didn’t notice the date because, well, I was just too busy living my life. I was on my way to a conference, packing up and getting ready to move back to Mexico (after an epic 24 hour journey, we arrived yesterday), spending last weekend in Vancouver with friends and family, and of course, coaching my amazing clients.
THAT is my life now. I don’t really need to sit around and count days or even years.
What matters to me is the QUALITY of life that I’m living and what has happened since I decided to stop numbing myself and escaping into alcohol.
Over the past 3 years I have learned what it means to become fully alive.
I have learned what true presence feels like.
I have experienced searing pain and had to confront the deepest darkest bits of myself that were conveniently hiding behind alcohol, yes.
But allowing myself to feel those lows has also opened me up to feel the most gratifying highs, to know joy like never before, and to finally be able to see myself fully and wholly and to learn to love myself.
Not getting drunk or numbing out has allowed myself to feel everything in exquisite detail. Interestingly, I enjoy that feeling so much more now that when I feel myself slipping into the slightly blurred beginning stages of intoxication.
As I looked around the room at this conference of 200+ female entrepreneurs, I was overcome with emotion.
I remember 5 years ago I won a scholarship to a similar event in New York City. I flew myself from Cambodia to New York City, excited about the possibilities of creating a new life for myself, and yet I felt like a fraud.
I had no idea what I was doing there and felt so far away from achieving the kind of confidence and clarity of purpose and passion that I saw in the room. I actually left each day alone… and went back to my rented apartment and cried. I didn’t really make new friends… I had no idea how to even introduce myself.
What I did do was fly back to Cambodia, where I gave my notice to the international organization for whom I was working, packed my bags, and then I flew myself back across the world to Mexico, ditching my sleeping pill dependency in the process… all with the seemingly simple idea that I was going to “get healthy” and start an online business.
I didn’t know what my life was going to look like.
I was scared.
But I learned (and have learned repeatedly) that leaning into that fear and that unknown is absolutely necessary for growth.
Many, many online courses, masterminds, coaching programs, certifications later, here I am.
Most importantly, of course, was the inner journey and what I learned along the way.
THAT is what allowed me to stand in front of 200+ people a few days ago and share parts of my story that I’ve never spoken allowed.
THAT is what allowed me to get up, stone cold sober, and sing karaoke on Thursday night even though singing in public is one of my greatest fears… way bigger than public speaking.
THAT is what allowed me to step into and through my fear, conquering another phobia by literally breaking an arrow while walking directly into it pressed against the softest part of my neck (you can see the video here).
I know that making changes can be scary for you too. THAT is why I want to be able to support you in any way I can. THAT is why I "do what I do."
To celebrate 3 years of not getting drunk, and to share the key lessons and strategies I’ve learned along the way so that you can feel supported as well, I would love to invite you to a special webinar this Thursday September 29th at 3pm PST/6pm EST.
Here is the call in info:
Join from PC, Mac, Linux, iOS or Android: https://zoom.us/j/3058027632
Or iPhone one-tap (US Toll): +14086380968,3058027632# or +16465588656,3058027632#
Or Telephone:
Dial: +1 408 638 0968 (US Toll) or +1 646 558 8656 (US Toll)
Meeting ID: 305 802 7632
International numbers available: https://zoom.us/zoomconference?m=_zgM8IPo0fy_cOPizbxNWr_A_kJ_vJxZ
I will send another email in a couple of days but if you’re interested, make sure to go ahead and schedule it in your calendar because I won’t be sending a million reminders ;) There will be a recording if you can't make it live - though being live will give you the opportunity to ask me anything you'd like!
Looking forward to celebrating and connecting with you!
xoxo
How to ride the resistance (or what you can learn when things don't flow)
I've been have asked about the retreat that was planned for this weekend and I realized that I hadn't yet publicly communicated the difficult decision my team and I recently made to put it on hold.
I even went to the venue last month and it was so incredible. I could visualize us there: the space was perfect, the beaches pristine, the sunsets stunning.
It was hard for me to let go of the plan. It was hard for me to accept that eventually I would have to write this update to you, going back on my word.
And yet, I was feeling HUGE resistance. It wasn’t flowing.
I wasn’t following up with those who were interested. Others who had expressed interest suddenly couldn’t attend for whatever reason. I wasn’t promoting the event as much as I needed to to fill the extra spots that had suddenly opened.
I needed to listen to the advice I was given by Lisa Nichols last month.
"A healthy no is as important a half-assed yes."
Or, as another coach friend of mine says, “If it’s not a HELL YES, then it’s a HELL NO.”
I have no doubt in my mind that this retreat in Canada will happen… now is not the right time.
I had to LEAN IN and understand what the resistance was about. Instead of beating myself up about it and forcing through, I learned from it.
As Danielle LaPorte writes:
“Resistance heightens your senses… But if you can embrace the resistance and use it to stay sharp, then you can bypass the swamp of self sabotage. Resistance = good. Self sabotage = bad, very bad.”
Instead of beating yourself for facing resistance, for things not working out exactly as you think they “should,” for procrastinating or feeling blocked or not flowing… ask yourself: “What is this really about?”
If it’s not flowing right NOW, it doesn’t mean it will NEVER. It might just mean not right now. Or, not like this.
By saying “not right now” to this month’s retreat, I was able to:
-
Focus on nurturing our Facebook community and prepping for Supercharge September… which also felt very aligned with my own need for self-care
-
Expanding and onboarding new members of the Drink Less Be More staff team
-
Redirect “retreat planning energy” towards co-creating a retreat planned for March 2017 in Mexico with a dear friend and colleague who lives in my hometown (more details coming very soon!)
-
Enjoy quality time with my Canadian family and friends before heading back to Mexico and spend more time with my daughter, who is in a challenging stage of her development
-
Better prepare and have more energy for attending a conference with 100 other empowered online entrepreneurs
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Take days off over the weekend and early this week when I needed to prioritize my health
Sometimes, success comes from taking the counter-intuitive step to DO LESS instead of more.
How can you simplify your way to success? What might your resistance be telling you?
What can you say no to in order to create more expansiveness?
xoxo
Weekly Round Up
Wow - what a week!
I had my first article published in the Huffington Post (more on that later) and another meaningful article on what it means to be a highly sensitive person (and how to shine in stressful social situations without resorting to alcohol) went live on Mind Body Green. The tips in the article are helpful for anyone who experiences social anxiety. Check it out!
I also had the immense fortune to be a small group training call with Lisa Nichols, founder of Motivating the Masses, best selling author of Abundance Now and No Matter What, regular guest on Oprah and featured expert in The Secret.
Holy WOW. I had listened to recorded webinars with her before and was blown away. But the chance to hear from her live, have her say my name and interact myself and the 50 other blessed women on the call with her? LIFE-CHANGING!! We were so moved, shed tears, released fears and doubled over in laughter during the 1 hour and 15 minutes we spent with her.
I wanted to share some of my biggest take-aways with you! Whenever you are at right now, I can assure you that at least one of these will hit home.
1) "We are built for the journey." Know that. Repeat it to yourself. Have faith. You are made for this, whatever "this" is. Have faith, and tenacity and you will succeed.
2) "You will never be given a desire in your heart that you do not have the means to fulfill" When the going gets tough, remind yourself of this. If you can dream it, you CAN make it a reality.
3) "Other people's perceptions of you ain't none of your business" People will always have an opinion, but the more time you spend in other peoples heads, the less time and energy you have for yourself. Don't spend another day worrying about what others think. You only have one chance to "do you." YOU ARE AN UNREPEATABLE MIRACLE.
4) "Be willing to do it afraid." Change is scary, I get it. Not knowing what's going to happen next can be unsettling. Commit and be willing to do it anyways.
5) "Love the unloveable in yourself." Stop shit talking yourself. Do whatever you can to change that story. As Lisa says, she grew up dirt poor, was abused and overweight. Once she started loving the parts she had previously believed to be unlovable, her life began to change dramatically. She loved the fattest parts of herself, the parts she thought were the most damaged and unworthy. She actively worked on this every single day. She stopped talking shit, became kind and compassionate, even when it was hard. She says "fall madly in love with yourself and everything else will fall into place."
6) Make a non-negotiable short list. These are 4-6 things you do to refuel yourself. These are scheduled and planned out with the same priority as your other commitments.
7) "A healthy NO is an important as a scared YES." Think about that. Is it an all-in hell yeah? If not, then practice saying no. As Lisa says, "no is a complete sentence."
I had so many take-aways from this call and I hope some of these takeaways come at the right time for you as well. Please respond to this email and let me know which one of these spoke to you.
I know I still really struggle with what others think - and sometimes hold back because of this. In fact, I wrote After 15 years as a blackout drinker, I finally learned how to enjoy a single glass of wine months ago, then published it last week and two minutes later unpublished it, then thought about it for another week until I had the courage to post it.
It's my first post for The Huffington Post and I probably could have picked an easier topic to share. Yet - this is the story that needed to be told. That doesn't make it easier though! I would really appreciate any comments, likes or shares. I'd love for Arianna to see this post before she leaves the Huff ;)
I'm heading off the grid to an island without electricity for 3 days. I look forward to reading your takeaways from Lisa's tips and either of the articles when I get back on Monday. Feel free to ask me any questions you have about the content as well.
Have a beautiful weekend!
xoxo
The most important ingredient for sober (or soberish) sex.
As promised last week, here’s a sexy blog post for you!!
While I really enjoyed my conversation with James Swanwick about sober dating and sex - I also felt that we didn’t really go deep - especially when we got to the sex part. (If you haven’t listened yet - you can catch it here).
For most women I know, it’s not so easy and “just do it!!” Especially when alcohol and intimacy have been so intertwined for many years, if not most of our lives.
So while James was waxing poetic about how much better you’ll look naked once you stop drinking, I was thinking to myself, “yeah, but it took me awhile to FEEL better naked.”
In my book, Drink Less Be More, I devote an entire chapter to sex and dating, when in reality - it could be an entire book because the topic is so nuanced.
Until very recently, alcohol and intimacy and sex were always inextricably linked, as were my relationships.
I’m a passionate lover, and I mean that in all senses.
I often fell quickly and deeply into the people I was dating.
During my 20s, was in three serious relationships… each in fairly quick succession to the other. Engaged to one of them, and married to the third, and then on road to divorce, all before age 28.
Looking back, these relationships may have resembled more of collision spinning out of control on a crash course, but I didn’t see it that way at the time.
Not surprisingly, I met all of my partners at the bar (not at the same bar, but might as well have been). Also not a shocker, all loved to drink, and consumed the same or even more copious amounts of alcohol than what I did.
Edit - my first serious “adult” relationship was with someone who wasn’t a drinker. I did meet him at a bar but marijuana was his drug of choice. Remember Dido’s song “Stoned?” That could have been our anthem.
When you're stoned, baby, I am drunk
And we make love, it seems a little desolate
It's hard sometimes not to look away
And think what's the point when I'm having to hold this fire down
I think I'll explode if I can't feel this freely now
And that is very much how I felt. Alcohol brought me the release and freedom I craved. When I was drunk, I could turn off my brain, let my over-drive ambition take a back seat, and tell my self-loathing to shut up for awhile.
I felt free. I felt sexy. I felt lovable.
I was able to be possessed by another person in a way that was too damn scary if I was sober.
I needed to feel in control of everything.
Drinking allowed me to release my fear and gave permission to my desires.
The double edged sword is the fact that while a few drinks can lower inhibitions and help you along with a dose of liquid courage and passion… too many has the opposite effect. It starts to numb, you may start to disassociate and it’s harder to orgasm.
I realized the profound difference when my current partner and I had sex for the first time, sober. I had had sober sex with my exes but it was usually after and in-between a lot of drunk sex. (This was the first time I was having sex with someone for the first time without the aid of alcohol to “get me there.”)
I could go into all of the cliche descriptors of how it felt and how different it was - you’ve read them before and they all apply here. My senses were heightened, every subtle touch sent shivers through my whole body, my pleasure soared to new heights.
It was like how I always had thought it should be (thank you Hollywood) but never was.
You might be wondering - how did I get from sloppy sex to this kind of exquisite sensuality?
It wasn’t overnight.
It involved a lot of self-love and healing.
Remember, at my very core for many years was a feeling of unlovability and unworthiness.
If I still held those beliefs, it would have been difficult for me to be open and receive. To let my guard down and feel. To allow myself to be truly seen without the false bravado brought on by alcohol.
I had worked with healers who did energy work with the chakras, and I focused on the 1st and second, where I knew I needed healing. I had attended several retreats that focused on pleasure, and shared the teachings of Mama Gena’s School of the Womanly Arts. I had seen a somatic therapist, who helped me get out of my head and into my body (she also, consequently, was the first professional to gently questioned my relationship to alcohol and encouraged me to take a break for awhile.)
I made a decision, deep down, that I deserved more. I was ready for a different kind of intimacy, one that required both vulnerability and strength - and at it’s core - authenticity.
So when my clients and community ask me about dating, sex and intimacy (without or with much less alcohol), there’s often not an easy answer.
It takes time.
But first and foremost, it takes love. The kind you lavish on yourself and nurture from within, rather than desperately seeking from another.
Instead of focusing on where the meet the new person of your dreams, fall in love with yourself. Romance yourself, take yourself on dates, get to know yourself. Learn what pleasure feels like to you, allow yourself to dream and to fantasize. If you are ready this and thinking “huh??” than that’s a good indicator that there is a lot of exploring for you to do in this area of your life.
Do this first.
Your ability to attract an energetic match and someone who truly honours and see you, and whom you never feel you have to hide from, will increase.
If you have any questions about this topic, please do not hesitate to reach out.
I know it’s tricky terrain and I am honoured whenever I can provide support and insight on this topic.
Xoxo
Ps. I feel that I should be completely transparent. This journey is on-going for me too. After having a baby, experiencing big changes to my body, and some issues in my relationship, I feel as though I am having to re-learn intimacy again!! And it’s so tempting to hit that bottle of red wine to ease back into it. So trust me when I say - I GET IT! We’re in this together :)
One of the secrets to deeper intimacy and better sex.
As you know, I'm supposed to be off the grid on a camping trip.
Well, I still am (I have no cell reception at my campsite, it's the best) but I was too excited to leave this for another few days.
So I escaped into civilizations (aka a cute coffeeshop called Rhino in downtown Tofino) to send this email. Last week I had a super juicy conversation with James Swanwick, all about the benefits of dating without alcohol. And while you know I'm the Queen of Moderation, I do think there's a lot of be said for first dates without alcohol.
Why?
Well, your BS detector will be more tuned in, you'll be able to connect with your intuition and decide more quickly it he or she is a HELL YEAH (cause if it's a hell no, or even a "so so" ... do you really want things to go farther?)
You also can judge a lot about a person's character when you decide not to have a drink on a first date.
Do they pressure you to have one? Do they respect your choice?
While you may not be deciding to live completely alcohol-free, it's great to have someone in your life who is supportive of your health and wellness from the get-go.
And then there's sex... some might say that sober sex is the best sex (what do you think?). A couple of drinks can help lower inhibitions, but any more than that actually restricts blood flow to the exact parts of you body you want to be feeling more and well, you probably know what that means. I'm going to go deeper into this topic in an upcoming blog, but I wanted to give you a chance to listen to this podcast and weigh in.
Let me know your thoughts! I look forward to reading them and answering any questions you have in my next blog on this topic.
xoxo
Gone Camping
Hi!!
It's August 1 today. I'm writing today with a message of inspiration and also to let you know where I'll be this week (and why you won't be hearing from me on Friday. As you've probably heard me say before, I don't automate my emails... which means they are always sent in real time). My family and I are going camping off the West Coast of Canada and our campsite will be tucked in the tree line of this beach.
I'm going to try to disconnect as much as possible and refrain from checking my phone, Facebook, Instagram and email. This is RARE for me. I'm bringing a stack of books that have been on my reading list for months, and pens and notebook. I'm looking forward to lazy afternoons and napping with my daughter, walks on the beaches and sand dunes of the wild WestCoast, quality time with family and campfires.
So while some of you may find this inspiring, my camping trip is not the reason for this email. ;)
I'm writing to encourage you to START NOW.
July and August are often considered months of excess and indulgence - which isn't really a bad thing if that's what you've been looking forward to.
Where it becomes tricky is when you fall so far off track that you're feeling pretty crappy.
Poor quality of sleep, lethargy, bloat, bletch feeling, lack of exercise, maybe even a few extra pounds from all of those liquid calories etc. Sound familiar?
You vow you'll get back on track... in September. September you'll set new intentions, and stick to them.
But why wait?
Why not pick one thing and try it now? Ease into that change you know you'll want to make with the change of seasons.
I'll give you a couple of examples.
One of my clients decided not to wait until September to take a month off of booze - she's starting today.
Another client decided to beat her personal record of AFDs (Alcohol free days) and set the intention for 21 AFDs for the month of August.
And another client is trying out new kinds of fitness, including belly dance and burlesque, and she's trying them out this month.
I've set my intention for no refined sugar for the whole month and zero alcohol for the first two weeks of August. Now that I have reset my internal clock and am able to wake up much earlier, I'm also sticking with my sunrise meditations and will be adding in daily writing again. Even though I'm heading on vacation, I am really looking forward to feeling clear and creative.
So what's something you could try this month?
How can you start to set powerful intentions for the final quarter of 2016 - now?
Finally, today is my father's birthday. He's 72 and he's spent the past 31 years sober. I don't share a lot of about my family out of respect for their privacy - yet today I feel so strongly that I need to recognize a man who inspires me daily with his commitment to "doing the work."
Whether your path is moderation or abstinence, redefining your relationship to alcohol isn't always easy. In fact, as one new client just wrote to me, "this is a lot harder than I thought it would be!"
We humans are hardwired to love what's easy, safe and comfortable. Challenging ourselves to feel deeply, to show up fully, and to live honestly often feels like the exact opposite. Yet, as anyone who has been on this path for awhile will tell you - it is a million times more fulfilling than the alternative.
Please do write to me and let me know your intentions for August. Writing down your intentions helps solidify them and sharing them helps with accountability. I'll look forward to reading them when I return at the end of this week.
xoxo
Thriving Summer Holidays
Well, I did it!
After 8 days, 4 airplanes, 3 countries, four mini-roadtrips and two timezones - all with a TODDLER - Luna Azul and I have almost reached our final destination for the next few months. The trip through Northern Baja and Southern California was amazing and really surprisingly easy.
We didn't get sick, we didn't have any meltdowns (either one of us, haha), and I felt stress-free the entire journey. No small feat given there were mornings I was up at 5am to finish my work before Luna woke up as naps were happening at weird times sometimes and I couldn't count on them for work time, and I even attended an elite mastermind in LA (more on that soon).
So what helped make this trip flow? What allowed me to not only survive, but thrive, without a single "I need a drink" moment?
Here are some tips that can be applied to any vacation or trip, whether traveling with a child or not.
1) Set your intentions! If you know anything about me, you know I'm all about intentions. Well, I set the intention that this voyage was going to be SMOOTH and STRESS-FREE. And it was. Even through a day spent in the airport-limbo land due to delayed flights, even during an overland border crossing between Mexico and the USA, it flowed. Mindset is a powerful thing. If I had spent the weeks leading up to this trip thinking about how stressful it was going to be, you can bet it probably would have turned out stressful!
2) I brought my toolkit. Sleepy time teas, detox teas, green powders for smoothies, essential oils for grounding, sleeping and relaxation... I was prepared. Being able to do at least a portion of my morning and evening rituals helped keep me grounded AND feeling healthy while eating on the road. Also, having my teas and oils to help me unwind at the end of the day made me way less likely to crave a glass of wind to unwind.
3) Sleep! I tend to get quite overstimulated, especially when I'm traveling. I was visiting many friends along the way and part of me longed to stay up late chatting into the wee hours of the morning. Yes I knew that everything would feel a lot harder and be less enjoyable during the day time if I was under-slept. The oils and teas were particularly helpful in this department as well.
4) Embrace flexibility / pace yourself! I was able to "go with the flow" more easily using a flexible approach rather than a rigid one. I also resisted the urge to try to do too many things, as as such, was able to fully be present and enjoy each moment.
5) Be open to receive! Whether it was asking a stranger in the airport to help putting the stroller through the x-ray or a backpack in the overhead bin, or asking friends for childcare support so that I could get my hair done or do a client call - I opened myself to receiving support. And it came in more ways that I could have ever imagined! Free upgrades, fees waved, people going the extra mile (quite literally driving out of their way) etc. (ps, let me know if you'd like to hear more about the expansion work I've been doing to expand my capacity to receive).
6) Be honest. This is a bit easier for me given my blog, book and focus of my work ie all public declarations of my intentions and "Drink Less Be More" lifestyle. But I was talking about this with a client today and she mentioned how on her recent vacation, she decided to be honest about her intentions to cut back on alcohol. The people in her life were supportive of her desire and she found it so much easier to stick to her intentions after becoming more open. I had friends stock their fridges with kombucha, double check where I wanted to eat/drink to make sure it felt comfortable for me, and have plenty of healthy alternatives on hand.
7) Indulge with intention. I ate some delicious treats, drink chocolate and rose infused coffee, ate a homemade banana split, and sampled a glass of local wine one afternoon while in Baja, and two glasses of California sparkling wine during a special dinner out... and it felt good and the perfect amount. Everything was a treat, all was celebratory, and nothing was driven by stress or wanting to stuff or numb out. And of course, feeling good about my choices led to peace of mind, made it easier to sleep at ease, had me waking up feeling refreshed and energized, and ready for a new day (or city, state or country as was the case on this trip!)
What are your favourite tips for traveling? Do you set intentions before you leave? I've been working with quite a few on my clients on special agreements and intention-setting for vacations.. Let me know if you have any questions about this or any other the tips I've addressed above!
Now that I've arrived to Canada, I'm so excited to get back into a routine. If you've emailed me this past week and I haven't responded, fear not! My inbox situation will be addressed asap.
I am also so excited to get soak in all of the amazing beauty and fill up on delicious, homegrown food.
I had a few people email and mention that the pricing was unclear in my last email about the retreats. The price you see is the TOTAL price, INCLUDING accommodation and everything listed. The only thing not included is transportation to Powell River, BC. If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to email!
Cheers to the weekend, vacations and solid intentions :)
xoxo
I've included a poem that my mom sent me. May it be inspiration to you - even if only to get out of town for the weekend, or plan a retreat on Savary Island this September ;)
For the Traveler
Every time you leave home,
Another road takes you
Into a world you were never in.
New strangers on other paths await.
New places that have never seen you
Will startle a little at your entry.
Old places that know you well
Will pretend nothing
Changed since your last visit.
When you travel, you find yourself
Alone in a different way,
More attentive now
To the self you bring along,
Your more subtle eye watching
You abroad; and how what meets you
Touches that part of the heart
That lies low at home:
How you unexpectedly attune
To the timbre in some voice,
Opening in conversation
You want to take in
To where your longing
Has pressed hard enough
Inward, on some unsaid dark,
To create a crystal of insight
You could not have known
You needed
To illuminate
Your way.
When you travel,
A new silence
Goes with you,
And if you listen,
You will hear
What your heart would
Love to say.
A journey can become a sacred thing:
Make sure, before you go,
To take the time
To bless your going forth,
To free your heart of ballast
So that the compass of your soul
Might direct you toward
The territories of spirit
Where you will discover
More of your hidden life,
And the urgencies
That deserve to claim you.
May you travel in an awakened way,
Gathered wisely into your inner ground;
That you may not waste the invitations
Which wait along the way to transform you.
May you travel safely, arrive refreshed,
And live your time away to its fullest;
Return home more enriched, and free
To balance the gift of days which call you.
~ John O'Donohue ~
Savary Island Retreat
In this crazy world we are living in, I feel that it is more and more important that we have opportunities to connect, to feel unconditionally loved and supported by people who have your best interest at heart, just as you do theirs.
I participated in several retreats 6-7 years ago that were life-changers for me. Though I’m not in close contact with all of the other participants, I feel that we share a special bond that will always be there.
It has been my dream for many years to host a retreat on Savary Island. Known as one of BC’s hidden gems, this island is a tropical paradise with gleaming white sand beaches just a stone’s throw from the temperate rainforest and with a backdrop of the coastal mountain range.
A little known fact is that Savary Island boasts some of the warmest water North of Mexico thanks to the warm Southern tides!
I have travelled around the world and visited some of the most famous and renowned beaches and I have never encountered anything like quite like Savary Island. It is truly stunning and one of my favourite places on earth.
I have also participated in and taught at several retreats and I know how powerful they are for activation. The impact of being totally immersed in a beautiful, nourishing environment and surrounded by loving support and sisterhood cannot be underestimated!
Imagine: 4 days dedicated to transformation, deep nourishment for mind, body and spirit, connection with each other and yourself, dance and movement, deep relaxation and alignment activation.
Eating delicious and lovingly prepared food with locally sourced ingredients and energizing snacks, the best mocktails you’ve ever tasted, Full Moon rituals on the beach (yes, full moon! I can’t even tell you how excited I was to find out there was a full moon on the weekend we are planning this retreat), sunrise meditations, dance parties, time for writing and reflection, setting powerful intentions, creating deep and lasting bonds, and so much more magic that is waiting to transpire.
The details:
September 15-18th (full moon is on the 16th)
Savary Island, British Columbia
What’s included:
Transportation to Savary Island from Powell River (and support with travel arrangements to get to Powell River)
Accommodation for 3 nights in a gorgeous wood cabin/house (plus a free extra night in transit if needed)
3 gourmet locally sourced meals plus delicious and nutritious snacks
Open bar every evening (make-your-own mocktails + homebrewed kombucha oh my!)
Sunrise meditation
Sunset and Full Moon rituals
3 movement / dance classes
3 sensual stretch / yoga classes
Daily journaling prompt and writing exercises
Powerful Intention setting workshop
Other surprises
A Tribe of amazing sister-friends and lifelong connections
There are three options to choose from in terms of accommodation:
Dorm-style (sleeps 3. I chose the dorm option for several retreats I went to and it was super fun. Like a grown-up sleepover ;) $375 USD*
Double Room (Sleeps 2, each with their own bed) $495 USD*
Private (only 2 available so act fast) $535 USD*
To sweeten the deal even more (WHAT!?!) - I’m offering a payment plan. The first payment (50%) is due before July 31st to hold your spot, and the second payment is due a month after (by August 31st).
I want this to be a no-brainer and for you to have every reason to say YES.
My main intention is to bring together an amazing group of women and to support the growth of our tribe.
Here’s the thing, there’s only 10 spots available. They will go fast. Let me know ASAP if you are interested and we’ll talk details.
xoxo
* I can accept payment in Canadian $ if made via E-transfer from a Canadian bank. Otherwise all payments will be made via Paypal in USD.
A view of Savary Island, with Indian Point being the nearest point, where the retreat will be hosted
Additional (free!) accommodation for those in transit and who need/would like to spend an extra day
Pole Dancing
Welp. This week certainly has been a rollercoaster of emotions!! As you know from my email on Monday, the shooting in Orlando really hit a tender spot and continued to for the rest of the week.
So many of my friends and community members felt so sad, scared, and some were downright traumatized by this. On the other hand, I saw such an outpouring of love and empathy and gentleness online, which was and is a beautiful thing. I am reminded of how quickly fear and uncertainty and pain triggers our habitual responses of "Help! I just want the thing that will make this bad feeling go away the fastest!!" And even though we know alcohol isn't the healthiest thing for us in the long term, it sure does work its magic as a short term solution to whatever we might be trying to escape.
I had several powerful conversations with women I hadn't spoken to before about their visions for a new life for themselves. I heard their conviction and deep desire to show up for themselves differently. More often than not these conversations lasted longer than their allotted 45 minutes. If we haven't spoken yet - don't hesitate to schedule a session.
Despite feeling quite down at the beginning of the week, I followed through on my intention to start taking pole dancing classes and zowza.... it's one of the hardest things I've done in a long time!!
As part of the last session for the Drink Less Be More Masterclass, we had to identify what we were going to do to keep taking ACTION on our intentions. One of my intentions that I know is essential to my long term "Drink Less Success" is to allow my inner wild child to come out to play!
Taking pole dancing classes 2x a week and buying a month's pass to the dance studio so that I will be motivated to take as many dance classes as possible were two of the actions I committed to - because otherwise it's easy for me to talk myself out on going to class and doing something for MYSELF that ultimately makes me feel so good.
This is a picture of me during the first class, when I could only and after much effort, make it half way up the pole. There was nothing sexy, coordinated or gracefully about my ascent (or descent, for that matter). I huffed and puffed and heaved. My leg swung out too far as I tried to propel myself upwards, I mixed up which hand was supposed to go over top of the next, and half way up the pole I had to cling for dear life because I was slipping to the ground, rather than the "hands free" hold the instructor was helping me achieve. And this was supposed to be the most BASIC ascent. All of the others are based on this one!!
Today's class didn't start off that much better. I felt so awkward. I was over-thinking it. I actually found myself getting really frustrated and hard on myself. Do it again, said the instructor. You can do it! Try again!! And again, and again... all the while giving tips on how to coordinate better and subtle adjustments to my movements to make it easier.
All of a sudden, something clicked, and my hands touched the ceiling. Somehow, my body took over, the moves coordinated, and I had reached the top of the pole. And this time, it didn't feel like as much work. I didn't have to think about it. My body knew what it was supposed to do. I was then able to try the hands free hold, and add another new move from the top of the pole, called The Señorita: legs crossed daintily, one hand on my hip and the other in a flirtatious salute (next week I'll try to get a picture of this achievement!)
On the drive home, I felt content, proud of myself, for preserving, and for going out of my comfort zone to try something new. It also made me think of one of the questions I am asked so often about redefining your relationship to alcohol.
"Does this get easier?"
The answer is yes. It does.
In the beginning, it often feels awkward. You might have to overthink things, spend a lot of time planning, understanding triggers, creating boundaries for yourself. You will likely have to try things and situations that aren't comfortable at first. You will have to learn to push through... because as you and I both know, as long as you stay where it's safe and comfy, you are less likely to grow and change.
There is where having support can be so helpful. When you can't figure out what your next move should be, or when you feel discourage and are going to talk yourself out of trying again.
When you find yourself slipping back down that pole and are ready to give on up trying to get up it again (wait, that was me ;)
You see where I'm heading with this?
When I first get on the phone with someone, I hear doubt, fear and uncertainty that things could actually be different. Within several months, the conversations are so different. Sure there may be the odd slip, but the momentum is always upwards. And the support can help you get there that much quicker.
If this sounds like something that would be useful to you, I'd love the chance to connect with you!! I have just two spots for 1-1 coaching available this month!
Either way, think about one big thing you can start doing differently this weekend. Something to shake things up, challenge yourself, help you get out of your comfort zone. A big part of redefining your relationship to alcohol comes from creating new habits AND learning to trust yourself in different situations.
So let me know, what are you going to try that you've never tried before?
xoxo
This isn't the email I planned on sending today...
Yesterday was a hard day for me.
So hard that I almost broke the promise I made to myself 2.5 years ago to stop using alcohol to to hide, escape, numb out, dull down...
My morning started with the news of the Orlando shooting and the escalating death count. The fact that I had partied many a night in a similar gay club in Miami, just a few hours drive from the scene of the deadliest mass shooting in recent US history, made the news hit even closer to home. I felt like I could imagine the faces of the people in the club that night.
Last week I shared parts of my story that I had never shared with you before… and in the first totally unplanned half of today’s email, you are going to learn even more!
I grew up in a small, working class town on West Coast of Canada. The scenery is incredibly beautiful and the town is now quite eclectic, but while I was growing up, it felt isolated and close minded.
My mom is a lesbian and my “mommy #2” moved in when I was 9 years old. I experienced homophobia from a young age when kids weren’t allowed to come play at our house, or when a school friend would ask about how long my auntie was going to be living with us (I was confused until I realized that’s what their parents told them to avoid a deeper conversation about the true nature of their relationships). Homophobic slurs were normal at school and needless to say, by the time I was discovering my own sexuality, I had a pretty deeply engrained feeling that it wasn’t okay to be gay.
Though I’ve never identified as gay, my sexuality was fluid and I was attracted to women. When I left my hometown immediately after high school, gay clubs welcomed me with open arms.
My first was in Vancouver at the Odyssey when I was 17. I loved the freedom of expression and of solidarity. In my early early 20s, I found community at Lick Club. It was there that become more comfortable with my fluid sexuality and where I met my first fiancé. The Lexington Club in San Francisco became like a second home when I was finishing college and living the Mission and it was there that I met my now ex-wife.
Over the years, wherever I traveled and lived, gay clubs always felt like home... Toronto, Winnipeg, Vienna, London, Bangkok, Phnom Penh, Sydney, Prague, Barcelona, Paris, Mexico City, Miami, to name but a few. It didn't matter if we didn't share the same language, we always would share smiles of recognition. Gay clubs were and are a refuge, a safe space, an escape from persecution, judgement and stress, a place for fun and celebration… What happened in Orlando shakes the foundation of this feeling of safety and celebration. Thousands, if not millions, are affected - confronted with the reality of violent hatred based on the most basic desire to love another human.
I’m giving you all of this as the backstory as to why, last night, I almost broke my promise to myself.
Yesterday while grocery shopping I bought a bottle of wine.
Luis even questioned it, saying, “Don’t we already have wine?” To which I responded: “Half a bottle of white in the fridge, but we don’t have any red.” That was the acceptable answer, and it was true.
Yet it wasn't until I got home that I realized my true motivation.
It was because I wanted to numb the pain. The acute pain of a senseless tragedy that took 50 precious lives and forever changed hundreds more. To soothe the deeper ache of old wounds triggered. And, ironically, I wanted to drink to get rid of the vulnerability hangover I was feeling after the very raw email I sent to you last week.
I’m relieved to report that the wine sat unopened on the counter downstairs.
Though a powerful unconscious urge took over in the grocery story, I was able to use other tools for myself once I got home.
I made a cup of tea. I shared some of my feeling online, which helped me feel less powerless.
I stood on my patio with my arms outstretched and breathed deeply into the tightness in my chest. I imagined the space around my heart expanding with love instead of constricting with pain and fear. I cried. I prayed. I felt the feels.
I am grateful to say I kept that promise for another day. Last night, and today, and everyday, I try to choose LOVE. And that includes Self Love.
And to keep raising my vibrations so that I can be of better service to this wounded world.
Today’s email was going to be about ways you can work with me but it just didn’t feel like the email I wanted to send today. That being said, I’ve already opened up extra times in my calendar this week for us to connect. If you’re curious about working together, then set up a time to chat here.
Stay tuned for the real email I had planned to send, later today or early tomorrow.
Until then, be kind to yourself, to those around around, and try to always, always - choose love.
xoxo
