Is yours a story of tragedy or triumph?
We always have a choice as to how we tell our stories and how we let others re-tell them.
Sean Smith, founder of the Elite Coaching University and much sought after motivational speaker, was the first to take the stage at the event I spoke at a few weeks ago. To say that his presentation “up-levelled me” is an understatement.
While part of me wanted to freak out because his presentation was SO GOOD and the scared part of me couldn’t fathom how I could possibly follow him onstage, the other (bigger) part of me was so enthralled with the content of his presentation that I wasn’t able to get to distracted by the fear - the learning was too great!
One of the most impactful parts of his presentation was when he talked about the layers and lenses we all acquire through our lives. To demonstrate his point, he literally put on a layer of clothing and a pair of glasses every time he talked about an experience that had shaped his internal scripts and his worldview.
It was such a powerful demonstration of how we walk through our lives (and we all do it) with our respective layers and lenses and that without deep reflection and self-development work, many of us remain unaware of the layers and lenses.
It requires work and effort and yes, feeling pain and facing uncomfortable truths to gradually start healing and releasing.
Sean also had us tell our stories as tragedy or a hero’s story.
First, we wrote down significant events in our lives (these could either be good or bad - the point was to write down all the major points that shaped our lives)
Then, in partners, we told the story as if it were a tragedy… the bad that came out of all of these events, how horrible or disappointing or tragic it was.
Our partner responded with, how awful that’s so terrible that all of that happened to you - or something along those lines.
You can probably see what’s coming next… but the part two of this was to share our story as a story of triumph.
What positive outcome or meaning can you attach to your life circumstances?
What powerful shifts can you create when you tell your story as one of triumph?
You’ve probably all experienced those conversations with friends or family members that quickly spiral into a pity-fest or a strange kind of competition of ‘who had it worse.”
How do you end up feeling after these conversations?
Probably not that empowered.
Now, I want to be clear - this isn’t about disavowing negative experiences or not allowing yourself to experience negative emotions.
It IS about moving through and not getting stuck there.
It IS about training ourselves and the people around us to respond differently.
Yes, you’re right - it sucks, but I’m also going to see what I can learn from this.
Another powerful reframe is to change the question from “why is this happening TO me?” to “why is this happening FOR me?”
I understand that sometimes this can be hard to do in the moment. For example, when I slammed my finger in the car door or spilled my hot coffee down my back and into my computer back, I wasn’t asking calmly asking myself “Why is this happening for me? I wonder what I can learn from this?”
I was upset, frustrated, in pain, angry, all of it.
I’ve also done a great job of training the people around me to remain positive. So they helped allow me my pain (“I just need to feel in pain right now!!” I reminded them) and then once that moved through me and subsided, I was able to shift the story more quickly without getting stuck in the tragedy.
On a much deeper level, I’ve been able to do that with my personal stories of abandonment and abuse. It hasn’t always been easy, and I’ve done a ton of healing work to be able to move from tragedy to triumph. It has been painful and hard at times, but working with therapists and coaches has helped me forgive, release and understand how these events shaped me into the person I am now.
How could you work on changing the story?
Are there any areas of your life where you could re-write the script from tragedy into triumph?
I’d love to hear!!
Xoxo
Ps.
A loving reminder that I have a couple of spots available for 1-1 coaching (where we go super deep into this concept of changing our internal stories and scripts - it’s powerful and freeing work!!) and also we have just 2 spots left for our Lucir retreat in Mexico.
Are you living in a snow globe
Hello my dear,
Can you believe it’s FEBRUARY already??
Wow - it feels like the last month flew by.
I’ve just returned back from Fort Worth, Texas - where I spoke at an event called Infinite Receiving Live. It was probably one of the most life-changing experiences of my life - a cracked wide open, raw, empowering and loving event that brought together 100+ women to celebrate and support each other and open ourselves up to receive.
I will be writing more about this soon - and sharing the main take aways and also the content of my speech -where I shared never before shared details of my story and what it has taken for me to HERE, where I am today.
I also had the opportunity to hear world-class speakers, including “The Jason Goldberg,” a transformational leader who also happened to open for Wu Tang Clan, is the co-creator of an internet show called the “Not So Serious Life” and whose recently published book, Prison Break, is an international best seller. He’s an amazing person and had soooooo much wisdom to share.
One thought in particularly stuck with me, and it’s one that I’ve already shared with some of my clients.
It’s this idea that many of us are living in a snow globe, desperately trying to catch snowflakes. But the snow globe is shaken up, because of the pace of our lives, and the snowflakes are perpetually swirling around.
How easy it is to catch a snowflake in this environment?
Not so easy, right?
Imagine this snowflake is a metaphor for inner peace, or a great idea, or freedom from anxiety, or a more meaningful connection with someone…
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
However, what if you were able to stop for a minute. Slow down. Allow those snowflakes to settle. What would happen then?
Sometimes we are afraid of this stillness. I know I was for a long time. My conditioned “run or numb” response meant that I was all go go go until I just couldn’t (either collapsing sick) or would turn off with alcohol.
Yet if we can slow down and welcome the quiet, the pause, the stillness… it suddenly becomes so much easier to pick up that snowflake.
In what areas of your life can you create stillness in the snow globe?
I’ll give you one very tangible example that recently came up for me.
I have a workout class that I like to go to 3 days a week. I was convinced I needed to do the 8:30am class, because then I could get to the office earlier after my training.
However, mornings were always a rush, even if I prepped clothes and smoothies and lunches the day before - we still had to rush to get Luna ready for daycare, drive across town to drop me off, then back to the other side of town for Luna’s daycare, as we only have one vehicle. A couple of months ago, I slammed my finger in the car door on one such frazzled morning. Last week, I spilled my coffee all over myself and my computer bag. My laptop is being sent to visit the Mac specialists as it now won’t turn on…
Unfortunately it took these two events to make me realized that I was created in a veritable blizzard in the mornings.
By changing the time of my workout to an hour later, I could slow down that snowstorm and start my days with calm and focus.
I love participating in events such as the one I just attended in Fort Worth because I receive so much inspiration from the other speakers and participants. ALL OF THIS is transmuted into my 1-1 coaching and my clients become the recipients of that knowledge as well. (If I am addicted to anything these days, it would be personal grown and self development.)
On that note, I have 3 spots opening up for private coaching. Once these are filled, I won’t have more spots available for at least another 3 months.
If you’d like additional support to start this new year strong, now is the time to set up a time to talk to me about 1-1 coaching.
Here is what one of my recent clients said about our time together:
“After first being witness to Caitlin’s awesomeness through her Drink Less Be More Masterclass, I decided to do a 3 month life coaching program with her. I felt a little stuck in a few areas of my life and hoped Caitlin could provide the support and guidance to help me move forward and get “unstuck”. Some areas related to my change in my relationship with alcohol, but it was other areas in my life as well. With Caitlin’s help, support and guidance I made huge steps forward with my self-awareness, self-trust and self-love. Caitlin gave me practical tools and exercises I used and practiced to help me uncover a few things that have been holding me back and allowed me to see a more positive perspective on things and be excited for my life. I looked forward to our bi-weekly calls and knew she would provide a caring ear to listen and a loving voice to provide support and guidance. And sometimes that’s all you need. If you are ready to show up for yourself, Caitlin is ready to show up for you.” - KJ
I also wanted to let you know that there are only 3 spots left for our incredible, transformative, habit-changing, spark-inducing retreat called Lucir (which literally means to shine or illuminate in Spanish).
If you want a powerful tool for calming the storm in the snowglobe, giving yourself a reset experience like this is a fast-track way to ignite big change in your life.
Having just left an event where profound breakthroughs happened and lifelong friendships were forged in just 2.5 days, imagine what can happen with a whole week together.
If you have any questions about the retreat (which is happening March 14-21)- please comment on this blog or send me a message asap.
If you’d like to set up a time to talk about 1-1 coaching, please book your time here.Remember, once these spots are filled, I won't be taking on new clients until April (at least).
I can’t wait to connect with you more!
xoxo
Are you ready to receive (infinitely)?
Happy Thursday!
I'm popping in a day early to share a super special invitation with you.
I arrived last night to Fort Worth, Texas there I will be participating in and speaking at an event called Infinite Receiving.
I met Maru Iabichela, the creator, at an event in NYC almost a year ago. It was the first time I shared my story onstage in front of hundreds of people. We connected in multiple ways and became fast friends.
Shortly after, I participated in her online challenge called "Raw is the New Black" - about getting comfortable with vulnerability, and how the sharing the unfiltered truth is often the most liberating thing you can do for yourself.
Then, she created the Infinite Receiving movement, and I signed up immediately. The system and her philosophy supports women to shed the limiting beliefs and learned behaviours that keep us stuck and limit our capacity to receive.
Whether you seek abundance, blessings, money, job satisfaction, open communication, respect, hot sex, weight loss, health, travel... whatever it make be - Infinite Receiving supports you to get there.
I've seen miracles happen since being a part of this group - in other women, and in myself.
Depending on my desired focus in the past 10 months of participating - I've had my biggest month in terms of profits, I've received gifts of healing treatments, I've received the exact support system I needed for my physical and emotional wellness, and I was able to transform a "low" couple of months very quickly into one of abundance and ease. I've also applied the principles of Infinite Receiving to my personal life and intimate relationships and have seen growth beyond what I thought was possible at the beginning of next year.
Maru's is hosting her first live event and it's going to be incredible. It's a place to come together— to receive infinite blessings, wisdom, clarity, support and connection. A hotwire to receiving. Infinite Receiving is a divinely inspired quantum philosophy that is as practical as it is soulful and it collapses the time required for peace, ease and joy to reign in your life. And it is FUELED by connection, intention and energy— so there are a few differences with this Event as compared to others. There are only 100 spots available to attend live (worth hundreds of dollars) but you are invited to Livestream the event for only $88!
I'll be leading an hour-long keynote titled "Carry Less, BE MORE" about releasing the beliefs and stories that no longer serve you to expand your capacity to receive. I will be walking the participants through some of my top tools for identifying your big scary secret (unspoken fear that keeps you stuck), releasing resistance, and effectively "calling it in." I will also be leading a guided meditation on getting touch with your inner child and healing her pain so that your increase your capacity to receive. Because, after all, you cannot receive what you do not believe you deserve! (this content I'm sharing talk alone is worth way more than $88!!)
There are top-notch speakers and I'm truly honoured to be sharing the stage with them.
Maru has extended this super special offer to our community and the recording of the entire event will be yours forever!!
You can read all about the event here.
You can sign up for the Live Stream until 8pm EST tonight!
Trust me - this will be an incredible experience for all involved. I look forward to sharing with you!!
To infinite receiving and beyond...
xoxo
The Antidote To Doubt
Do you find yourself crippled by doubt?
Doubt can creep in many ways.
It may show up as difficulty making a decision, choosing between two options, or purchasing something.
It may show up as a lack of belief in how deserving you are of having your desire fulfilled.
It may even show up as resistance or procrastination.
Underlying doubt that you are capable of something or worth something might throw up unconscious roadblocks and resistance.
You see, doubt likes to be right.
Doubt is attached to the fear-based mind which (to the best of its ability) is trying to keep you safe by keeping you the SAME.
The ego likes to prove itself right - so by creating unconscious resistance to change and setting you up to fail, your ego/fear-based doubt-driven mind can effectively say “See? I TOLD YOU SO. You can’t do this, you aren’t capable, you’re not worthy and you certainly don’t deserve it.”
I see this all the time.
A big part of my work as a coach is to gently shine the line into this shadow that doubt casts.
To create a safe and supportive environment so that my client can start peeling back the layers and understanding what this resistance is really about.
And also, to provide a ton of encouragement and FAITH that a different alternative is possible.
I was reminded of this on Monday while reading the many Martin Luther King Jr quotes floating around the internet in commemoration of the anniversary of his death.
One that really resonated with me and that I shared in our private Facebook community was this one:
“Faith is taking the first step when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
It takes a lot of faith, to give up alcohol or any other unhealthy relationship or dependency that has in many ways served us throughout our lives. It has brought us comfort and soothed pain. It has opened doors and granted permission.
Giving this up for a newer, more integrated, healthier, whole life when you don't exactly know what that looks like yet (or if it's even possible) requires a lot of FAITH.
So many people come to me knowing there is something better for them. However, not having lived this new reality yet - it can be so hard to believe and yes, have faith, that it is possible. That these tough changes, which include confronting some of your deepest, darkest fears about yourself, are worth it. It can be hard to know what life really looks and feels like when the crutch is taken away, the self-medication stops, the liquid courage is removed, the numbness replaced by clarity and presence.
That’s where I am come in - with my own life, with examples of other clients who’ve succeeded in overcoming doubt to make the changes they so desire.
As always, when a theme pops up and resonates with me and I know intuitively that it is what others need to hear at the same time, beautiful synchronicities happen (I call them confirmation that I’m on the right path) and this piece of writing came across my newsfeed yesterday.
“Faith is the “work” in “Light work”.
It scrubs and rinses and steadily erases doubt. Faith stays on doubt's ass: I see you. I dissolve you. I replace you with Faith. And then doubt will pop up again. And Faith is right there: Yep, I heard you. I choose faith. Yep, I know the odds, I choose Faith. And because Faith knows the natural order of things, she says to doubt: You'll probably be back later this week. And you might even distract me. But I’ll still choose Faith. No anger, just clarity. No complaints, just pure, fiery resolve.
Doubt isn’t a failing, it’s a reminder to feed and protect your positive beliefs.
Faith isn’t something you “have”, as much as it's something you do. And if you do it consistently—the clearing, the focusing, the nourishing...the getting back on track, then you become the very Lightness you long for.”
-
Danielle LaPorte (click here to read the entire piece)
When you start feeling doubt sinking its paralyzing tentacles into you - stop.
Take a few deeps breaths. If possible, take of your shoes and ground your feet.
Rather than giving it a downward, anxiety riddled spiral of thoughts, focus on the best possible outcome. Breathe life into that vision.
Call a friend or family member who you know can help lift you up again, who can give you a faith-booster.
Meditate or pray.
Diffuse an uplifting blend of essential oils (I love citrus such as wild sweet orange, lemon and grapefruit, rosemary, bergamot, and ylang ylang)
Light candles and incense - do what you can to invite in the Light.
Hold, wear or prominently display moonstone, amethyst or aquamarine crystals, which are said to help find and hold on to faith.
Is this sounding a little “woo woo” to you ? Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But think about the alternative - staying stuck and weighed down by doubt. If one or all of the techniques above can shift the energy and help you feed and protect your positive beliefs - then why not give it a try?
Edit - I realized, in another flash of insight and synchronicity regarding this topic, that many of you will be receiving this email on the day the new President is sworn into the United States. Now, more than ever, as the personal becomes political, this renewed sense of FAITH that something better is possible might be of critical importance to you.
How can you choose FAITH today ?
What can you do to protect your positive beliefs?
How can you nourish your desire and vision of a different reality for yourself, your community and the world?
What action can you take to support this vision?
I’d love to hear from you! Let me know what you are going to do - TODAY!!
Simply reply to this blog post - I love hearing from you.
Xoxo
Don’t forget!! The Friendship Sale is on for a few days more. One of the most surefire ways of fanning the flames of FAITH is to DO something that sends a beaming message that YES, I DO deserve this!! YES, a transformative experience designed to 100% support my healing and growth is totally possible for me!! YES, I can have a team around me to support me to shine brighter!!
Any questions about the retreat experience? Make sure to email me asap!
How I Lost Myself and Hit a New Bottom
How are you? If you are feeling a bit of a roller coaster of emotions, you aren’t alone. This Full Moon in Cancer, also known as a “Wolf Moon,” has the tendency make it easier for you to “feel all the feels.”
How’s the New Year started off for you?
I realized something this week.
While so many people I see online are “going hard, mapping out their goals for the next year so they can “crush them,” or “killing it” already with their lives, fitness targets, detoxes or whatever - I’ve kind of been doing the opposite.
I started this New Year slowly and working LESS. And yes, that was intentional ;)
Some of my intentions for the coming year are INTEGRATION, EASE, STRENGTH, PLAY and DANCE.
As I neared the end of 2016, I was completely exhausted and knew that I needed to dedicate time to myself and honouring physical, emotional AND spiritual needs in order to show up fully for my business and family during this next year.
What does that look like for me?
Well, since the week before New Year's -
I dance, almost every day!!
I cleanse and nourish my body with the most amazing plant-based foods and essential oils (More on this soon)
I work out 3x/week.
I take naps!!
I swim in the ocean at least 2x/week.
I started reading a book - FICTION, no less!!
I make a point to express love and gratitude daily.
I practice honesty about my needs and desires, even when it’s hard.
I've basically taken myself on a retreat and immersion back into self-care.
Intuitively, I know that THIS is what’s going to serve me more through the next year than endless lists, a packed schedule full of targets, and a focus on the end result rather than the journey.
Make the journey enjoyable, every step of the way.
This is something I learned again last year, the hard way. I stopped enjoying what I was doing. I was all business and no fun. And it sucked the spark out of me.
I was speaking with a client about this a few nights ago.
It was our final session and I asked her what she was most grateful for during our time working together (6 months 1-1 coaching and the Drink Less Be More Masterclass).
She had been working with me during one of the hardest times of the year for her, the holiday season.
Here’s what she said:
“I am so grateful for finally having an understanding what self-care really means for me and how to care for myself holistically. I feel like self-care was this concept I read about but I didn’t really know that it meant for me. So coming home at the end of the end was drinking wine. Now, I know that loving myself is drinking a cup of tea and reading a book instead. I have created new rituals and habits and now have all of these tools that support me in being healthy.”
I then shared with her something I haven’t really shared publicly yet.
I hit bottom a couple of months before Christmas.
It wasn’t the same kind of bottom I had at the end of my 20s, where I was drinking myself to sleep (on top of taking the some of the same pills to “relax and sleep” that Heath Ledger was taking when he died).
It wasn’t the frequently drinking till the point of blacking out kind of bottom.
Let’s call it my “new bottom” that reflects my new reality.
I wasn’t drinking myself to sleep, but there were times that I felt the urge to.
In fact, I was thinking about drinking a lot more than I had in years.
When I did drink, I certainly didn’t drink enough to get drunk let alone blackout, but I did break my own rule about not drinking when I felt like I “needed” a drink.
I felt like I was unravelling.
I didn’t have control over my emotions.
I was exhausted, all of the time and yet I couldn’t get a good night’s sleep.
This is hard for me to share. But I believe it's important.
What had happened to bring me here?
Over the course of the past year, through the publication of my book (ironic given the topic, I know), the subsequent increased publicity, the growth of my coaching practice, the challenge of parenting a toddler, the travel, the moving between two countries and back this summer…
I had stopped taking care of myself.
And while for my recent client, self-care and self-love meant tea and reading a book, for me - it’s dancing and being in my body. I had stopped doing that and as such, was denying myself the very thing I needed to nourish my soul.
As soon as I started prioritizing dance and embodiment and activities that brought me joy and a sense of freedom - everything shifted. It didn't take long. My body and spirit remembered, and wanted to feel "at home" again as soon as possible.
I shared this with my client as I reminder her that “life happens.” And it's often not so much about what happens, as what you decide to do next.
There will be times when we get busy, when tragedy strikes, when things shift in a way that’s hard to understand at first (as recently happened with me) and suddenly you realize you aren’t caring for yourself anymore.
The beauty of the awareness that comes from doing this kind of work is that you NOTICE when this happens. You catch it. You course correct. You feel "off."
And then you figure out what you need to do to find your way back to yourself again.
Your baseline has shifted.
You have created a new normal for yourself.
You can never go too long ignoring your deep desires, needs and passions again.
It feels so good to care for yourself and LOVE yourself that you will never go for too long without it.
Once you have this awareness, you can’t get rid of it!!
Within about a month and a half of rearranging my schedule, asking for more support and re-prioritizing how I spend my time and treat my body - I feel wonderful.
I feel whole again.
I feel like ME.
I want you this for you too.
I want you to always know how to find your way back to yourself.
I want you to connect with that inner light, that spark, so that you can shine more brightly.
Now, I know you might be thinking, that's great Caitlin but it's not that easy for me. I can't just "rearrange my schedule" for a month and go swimming in the ocean when I want to.
I get it. I really do.
That’s what Lucir 2017 is all about.
It's a week-long total immersion.
An opportunity to reconnect and reset.
It’s an experience that invites you into my world.
To share everything I’ve learned and to create your own, personalized brand of self-love.
To move your body in ways that feel good for YOU (that’s why we are offering a range of activities from Hatha yoga to aqua yoga to swimming to dance to a gentle hike to hot springs and so much more).
To eat the best food available, all locally sourced and made freshly every single day.
To dive into a variety of self-care practices so that find with ones work best for you.
To create the roadmap back to yourself, so that if you get off track, you always know how to find your way home again.
To know that you are supported, by the other Lucir participants, by me, and most importantly, by yourself because YOU made yourself a priority and invested in your health and happiness in a big way.
We are 50% sold out and expect the remaining spots to go very fast!
In honour of the beauty of friendship and the importance of a strong support system, we are offering a Bring your bestie Flash Sale from now until January 22nd.
The pricing is as follows:
2 friends book together: each get 10% off
3 friends book together: each get 15% off
4 friends book together: each get 20% off (WOW)
We still have 1 double room (which can be shared with up to 3 people), 1 king suite (which can be shared by 2 people) and the shared dorm-style room which can accommodate 4 friends!!
All of the prices and details including a sample schedule can be found here:
www.caitlinpadgett.com/mexico
It is the ultimate gift of self-care and self-love to put yourself and your desires first, to pay exquisite attention to your body, and to give yourself permission to share.
Time to press the reset and invite your friends along to share the beauty of this experience.
Together, we shine brighter!
Of course and as always, let me know if you have any questions!!
xoxo
ps that picture above? That's taken at our venue. So yes, that really could be you!!
I have nothing new to say to you
It’s true !!
I have nothing new to say to you today, one week into the New Year.
My intuition is telling me that you need more time to integrate the idea of intentions into your vision for the next year.
In fact, I considered copying and pasting last week’s email again because everything I wrote is as relevant for this week as it was last week.
If you haven’t read last week’s blog on Resolutions vs Intentions - do so here.
If you’ve read last week’s blog but haven’t taken the time to create your vision and intentions for 2017, make sure to schedule time this weekend to do so!!
As part of the ceremony I did with my mother and partner on New Year’s Eve, we wrote our vision for the upcoming year, our intentions based in how we wanted to feel (each sentence started with “I am happy and grateful that…” more on this in last week’s blog) AND we each wrote down 1-3 potential barriers or blocks to realizing our vision. These could be either internal or external factors that we felt that needed to release in order for our desires to be fulfilled. Then we said a prayer and burned our lists. (fyi, we did this together but separately. I didn’t see what others had written and they didn’t see mine. However, it felt powerful to hold space for each other’s visions and intentions).
If you are still feeling resentful towards anything that happened 2016 or holding a grudge… considered a “bless and release ceremony” to let go of any lingering weight you might be carrying.
Here is the link of a blog I wrote a couple of years ago on how to bless and release (or forgive and let go.) This is powerful to any time (and as many times as you feel you need to) however now, at the start of the New Year, it can give you the feeling of lightness and a less burdened state.
Here are a few tips that will help “call it in” for the next year
Prioritize time, starting now
These things won’t magically start happening. Scheduling time to write, journal, dream, practice gratitude and take daily action towards your dreams is paramount.
Focus on the WHY, not the HOW
Keep reviewing your intentions, imagining how you will feel when you dreams are realized. Get clear on WHY this is important to you. The HOW will keep you stuck in what you already know and cuts you off from brand new possibilities or paths you may not have imagined yet.
Take one step, do it now
Pick one action for this week and start doing it. Next week, add another. Keep doing this. Keep taking action!! Many of my clients are deciding to follow a program like The Whole 30, or doTerra Detox, or committing to a certain number of days alcohol free. For others, it’s about incorporating more consistent self-care into daily routines. The most important is for you to decide something you are going to do differently, and do it.
If something stops feeling good, try something new that still fits with your intention. Questions about this? Ask me!!
Thank you, and MORE PLEASE
Stop looking for confirmation that things are harder for you. Start noticing everything that goes RIGHT. Notice, and appreciate. You received an unexpected discount? Thank you and MORE PLEASE. Traffic was lighter than expected and you arrived somewhere early? Thank you and MORE PLEASE. Your partner remembered to do something you’d given up nagging about. THANK YOU AND MORE PLEASE!!!
Gratitude, and more gratitude
I really can’t emphasize this enough. As one community member mentioned today, “I truly believe that we manifest good things when we are grateful for everything. Every experience, sometimes even the ones that seem bad are a new opportunity to learn. Focusing on the positive has helped with big changes going on in my life and it feels like the universe is conspiring to help.”
This is coming from somehow who hit a very deep bottom a couple of years ago and was quite despairing that any good would come of her life.
Celebrate your successes
In addition to “releasing 2017” and practicing gratitude, why don’t you celebrate your successes while you are at it! It is so easy to be hard on yourself and frustrated about what you didn’t accomplish. Go ahead and make a big long list of EVERYTHING you have to celebrate in the past year as a means of honouring just how far you’ve truly come. (As I type this I am inspired to write mine - this past year was hard for me and I’ve been quite critical of myself. For accountability, I will post it on social media tomorrow!!)
As one of my favourite coaches and author of the Wild Soul Movement Elizabeth DiAlto recently posted on Facebook: “Please, please, please as you make your 2017 plans and projections and map out your goals, take a moment too, to measure backwards and honor your unique milestones, life's sweet affirmations whispering in your ear, "You can do this. You ARE doing it. Keep going and don't underestimate yourself."
You’re on trend (ahead, even!)
If it feels like you are going against the grain within your inner circle, family or community, remember that you aren’t alone. There has been a proliferation of articles recently on the benefits of cutting back or eliminating alcohol, and drinking less was named as one of the health trends of 2017 by Mind Body Green. Many are choosing to redefine their relationship to alcohol and not only those who have a severe problem or consider themselves alcoholic.
If it feels like you are the only one you know wanting to make these changes, you are warmly invited to join our “secret society” aka Facebook group that has more than 100 women who are some of the most caring and supportive people I know. Simply reply to this email and let me know that you want to join. If you use a different email for Facebook, let me know in your reply, and I will send the invite to that email.
xoxo
Calling It In For 2017
Why set an intention over a resolution?
In The Power of Intention, Wayne Dyer defines intention as “a strong purpose or aim, accompanied by a determination to produce a desired result.”
An intention is something you aim to achieve, something that has a purpose, something that you actively work to manifest in your life.
Now, in order to create powerful intentions, it’s super important to get clear on what you are working towards.
What does your vision of yourself look like for 2017 and beyond?
Anyone who has ever set up a free consultation with me knows this is one of the first questions I ask.
So ask yourself, what does your vision for yourself look like?
If everything were to go RIGHT, and you were able to make all of the positive changes you want to, what would your life look and FEEL like one year from now?
When we make resolutions and focus on the minutia, or create rules for ourselves to abide by, it’s easy to despair and throw in the towel when we’re not achieving what we think we should be.
“Said I wasn’t going to drink more than 2 nights a week and last week I drank more nights than not - what’s the point anyways? Might as well quit trying.”
“Didn’t make it to the gym 3 times last week so I’ve already broken my resolution and it’s only the second week of January. Obviously I’m not going to be able to achieve anything I wanted to this year, as I’m still a lazy f**k.”
When we set these kinds of goals for ourselves we sometimes set ourselves up for disappointment. And then when we don’t follow through or “succeed” right away, our inner critic is so quick to use this as confirmation of our worst fears about ourselves: We’re incapable of change, unworthy of making the changes, flawed, damaged goods, doomed to stay stuck and never expect anything better… etc.
Does any of this sound familiar?
How would you like to free yourself from this cycle, NOW?
Take some time today or tomorrow to bless and release 2016, create a powerful vision for yourself for the next year and from there, set intentions.
Get comfortable, take a few deep breathes. You may want to use a couple of drops of a grounding blend of essential oils to really center yourself (I love doTerra balance, cedarwood, vetiver, sandalwood or rose). You may want to light some candles or use incense to cleanse the space.
I know that 2016 has felt like a really hard year for so many. What helps “bless and release” a more challenging time is to make a list of your celebrations (no matter how seemingly small) and then say a simple statement or prayer:
“Thank you 2016 for all that you taught me, thank you for xyz that I have to celebrate. I bless you and release you to create space for my vision of 2017.”
Next, allow yourself to entertain the vision of yourself a year from now.
What are you doing?
How do you treat yourself?
How do others treat you?
How do you look?
How do you feel?
What did you create in 2017?
What changes did you make?
How has your life transformed?
Your health, your body, your relationships?
Allow a feeling of gratitude to wash over you. Really sink into the feeling of how it would feel to wake up on December 31, 2017 and reflect back over the past year.
Now, from that vision, create your list of gratitudes for these things AS IF THEY’VE ALREADY HAPPENED and from there, we’ll create intentions.
Start each sentence with “I am happy and grateful that…”
Examples:
I am happy and grateful that I have control over alcohol.
I am happy and grateful to feel so healthy, strong and confident in my body.
I am happy and grateful to have consistently prioritized self care.
I am happy and grateful to experienced so much abundance and adventure.
I am happy and grateful to feel honoured, respected and supported by my spouse/family.
From this, your intentions become:
To have control over alcohol.
To be healthy, strong and confident.
To prioritize self-care.
To experience abundance and adventure.
To be honoured, respected and supported by your spouse or family.
You will, of course, write down what best suits you and your vision for yourself (these were just suggestions on my part).
As Hafiz wrote “The words you speak become the house you live in.” I believe this is true for the thoughts we think and the words we write as well.
So choose your words mindfully!!
You see how this is different than resolutions? Even if you feel like you are slipping or have a few weeks that are harder, you can keep your “eye on the prize” so to speak and know what you are working towards.
Alexandra Nicewicz Carroll wrote in her article Drop the Resolution and Live with Intention: “Compared to an intention, a resolution is relatively simple: it either is or is not, it sticks or it doesn’t. Intentions require nurturing and cultivation, tending and care. Intentions require whole-hearted commitment to a purpose or an aim as well as a willingness to surrender ourselves to this all-encompassing force, to trust that, as we contribute each day to nurturing this intention, our vision and purpose will unfold in our lives.”
Is every day perfect? Of course not. But the most important part is to stay committed to the vision, believe in the intentions (that’s why we practice feeling them and writing them down as if they’ve already happened), and then taking consistent action towards fulfilling this vision.
Some days this might be going to the gym, whereas on other days a quick 10 minute power walk might be all you can muster and what is actually best for you in that moment.
Some months during the year you might even decide to go alcohol free while during others you practice moderation - and it’s all part of “gaining control over your alcohol use.”
See where I’m going with this?
As my friend Maru Iabichela says, “Rome wasn’t built in a day. Start laying those bricks now if you want to see your dreams grow. Ps. ALL steps count. No steps DON’T count” (ie, take action, even small steps make a difference. NO steps means no movement)
Not only are we welcoming in a New Year, we’re also experiencing a New Moon right now. It’s the perfect time to sow the seeds that we want to see grow into fruition.
I’ve been asked about intentions and how to really make them “work.” As one Drink Less Be More Masterclass participant recently wrote: “How do you break the cycle? It seems like sometimes good intentions never quite make the reality.”
I sent this question to another dear friend and author of the Intention Generation, Makenna Johnston, to which she replied: “Intentions are just part of the process. They aren't THE process. Setting intentions for the new year matters, don't get me wrong. But it is the action you take that catalyzes intentions into results. And RESULTS is what you're after.“
NOW is the time to start.
Get clear on your vision, grab a pen, write it down your vision and gratitude statement, distill your intentions. Bless and release 2016 and start calling in everything you want for 2017.
Do this NOW.
NOW!!
Then choose something you will do differently, also starting now.
Why wait until tomorrow or January 1st?
That’s the kind of action Makenna and I are talking about.
Want 2017 to end differently than 2016? Then what are YOU going to do to make that happen?
If you have any questions about any of this - please do let me know! I'd love to hear your vision for yourself, your intentions and the actions you are going to take to make that vision and those intentions a reality!!
Also, if you’d like to powerfully activate the New Year, both Maru and Makenna have live events coming up at the end of January (Maru’s Infinite Receiving Live) and February (Makenna’s Practical Magic). I’m going to be at both and both are going to be incredible. Let me know if you’d like more info!!
I’ll leave you with this beautiful command by Henry David Thoreau as you enter the New Year:
xoxo
How to release the Ghosts of Christmas Past
How are you?
Many of my clients and community members have expressed anxiety around this time of year - let’s call it the revisiting of ghosts of Christmas past.
This is experienced as a fear that this year will be a repeat of previous years or dwell on negative past behaviors.
This season can bring up a lot of stress and anxiety, for any number of reasons… unpleasant or traumatizing memories resurface feelings of loss and grief, family issue, money troubles, travel. For many the holidays can be extremely sad or memory filled and can bring up mixed emotions that make us want to self-medicate, often starting a harmful behavior cycle that pushes us further and further away from the holiday cheer we long for.
The following strategies will help you feel secure in your ability to have a different outcome this year, so you can welcome a new season and new opportunities with open-heartedness instead of fear.
The first place to start is by setting clear intentions. I know, you hear me talk about intentions a lot - but with good reason! We often spend so much time thinking about what we DON’T want that we forget to spend time creating a clear vision of what we DO want.
Before any event or activity ask yourself: How do I want to feel?
Setting that intention is the soul fire that fuels our goals. Then, we can map out the behaviors that align with how we want to feel. E.g. If you don’t want to be in emotional upheaval on Christmas Day while meeting family members and talking about the year, then set the intention to drink less. Even if you feel that alcohol calms your nerves initially, you know it won’t fulfill the longer term goal of feeling good the next day, so there is an opportunity to set an intention to drink less. This way you’ll also wake up feeling better about youself the next morning too, paving the way for a better Next Christmas, instead of repeating that nasty cycle.
I asked my friend and colleague Dr. Perpetua Neo for specific tips on holiday stress and anxiety. Dr. Neo is a psychologist and coach who helps high-achieving woman liberate themselves from panic attacks, anxiety, and trauma, quickly and deeply.
Here are her recommendations:
Remember: You are human.
So when the ghosts of the past haunts, it’s okay. Don’t shove it away by pretending it doesn’t exist— even if you’re doing it ‘spiritually’ (e.g. using meditation, yoga)— because running away is running away. Instead, acknowledge your humanness with all the tenderness you can muster. If not for yourself or the younger version of you, channel the compassion for a little child or a little kitten. Simply tell yourself, “Yes I’m feeling [EMOTION], and it’s okay. I make the choice to take care of myself right now”
Remember: Then is not now.
It’s often easy to be stuck in the past— our old patterns of thinking, acting and feeling are big muscles, and we need to be aware that they will play up. As compared to the new muscles of tenderness and kindness, which may be small right now. So we’ll want to play out old patterns— it’s not called the comfort zone for no reason. Sometimes if we’ve been traumatized, then the timekeeper in our brain meshes the past with the present, and we are in a literal time warp. To help us, we need the constant practice of being mindful. Meaning, being present in the now. So we help to regulate the timekeeper in our brains. Here’s the simplest mindfulness exercise that only takes 3 minutes of your time, that I teach all my clients.
Remember: watch what you do with your thoughts.
We’re not taught that just as our thoughts come from nowhere, they can disappear into that same nothingness too. Instead, too many of us grasp on to our thoughts for dear life, as though they are preordained or sacred. There is a saying, allow your thoughts to come and go, just don’t serve them tea (by Zen master Shunryu Suzuki). But, what a lot of us do instead is we lay out the red carpet for our thoughts and serve them champagne cocktails and dark chocolate truffles. Of course, our minds go awry!
So there you have it, my friend. I called in the big guns to help ensure you are as supported as possible this year.
Let this season be a powerful redo for you. It’s up to you to infuse new meaning into the season so don’t let another year go by passively waiting for things to get better.
With that, I wish you and yours the happiest and healthiest of holidays.
xoxo,
TASTE IT:
Last year I was featured in this great blog with 6 healthy mocktail recipes and tips for moderation. It’s information like this and planning your alternatives that will help make it possible to stop the downward spiral of previous holiday patterns.
Remember - this doesn’t have to be boring - and it shouldn’t!! Treat yourself and your body like a temple and you will feel so much more powerful and strong through this season.
FEEL IT:
Remember - you have support available to you. We have an active Facebook group and it’s been so beautiful to see all of the support everyone is offering each other during this time of year.
If you’d like access, please reply to this email and let me know!
Holiday Hit List!
Happy holidays!
Are you getting into the spirit yet? No, I didn’t mean spirit(s) like the boozy kind… though I know from chatting with clients and community members that this time of year can be triggering.
That’s why I’m focusing this email on my “holiday hit list” for you - my favorite articles and tools to help this season go as smoothly and soberly (if that’s your desire) as possible.
Also - I slammed my finger in my car door on Monday and it’s still incredibly hard to type/write!!
All the more reason to reshare these gems, I say! If you’ve already read these articles, then skip ahead for 2 amazing free downloads and 15% of a perfect gift for your wish list (or to gift yourself!)
If you haven’t read it yet - here’s my most recent article on Mind Body Green. These practical tips will help you handle holiday stress without resorting to booze.
If you feel your stomach knot with anxiety at the thought of holiday parties upon parties, here are my tips for avoiding a two-week hangover this holiday season.
If you’ve already experienced going overboard at a party and are experiencing the emotional aftermath, here’s some tips on releasing the shame and taking care of yourself.
If the thought of you family members over-drinking is worrisome and makes you want to avoid family gatherings altogether, check out my article on dealing with a family member’s unhealthy drinking.
If you are looking for some inspiration for decadent non-alcoholic alternatives for the holidays, check out these fancy libations compiled by my friend the Sober Señorita. (Warning: if sugar is a big trigger for you, it’s probably best NOT to open this. Instead, stick to some healthier holiday spritzers, such as sparkling water, cold pressed apple juice, and frozen cranberries… served in a champagne flute or wine glass - so pretty!!)
I also want to take this opportunity to introduce you to a few very special women.
The first is Patty Swiatly. Patty first came to me as a client over one and a half years ago. She found out about me through The Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN), where we both trained and received our coaching certification. Patty was struggling with her alcohol use and feeling that it was blocking her from successfully transitioning from her work as a massage therapist into coaching. She was more right than she knew!! Over the course of our work together, we discovered that Patty wasn’t only blocking herself as a coach, she was also blocking her true intuition and the unique gift that she has to share with the world.
As a deeply empathic, intuitive, sensitive soul - Patty is also a powerful healer and energy worker. In the past year and a half, she has completely transformed her practice to step into her potential and share her gifts doing Holistic Coaching for the Soul. I have personally experienced the depth of Patty’s knowledge and guiding during three sessions with her and I consistently recommended her FREE guide “Supercharge Your Chakras and Tips for Balance Your Unique Chakra System” to my clients. This guide is packed with really practical tips on how to work with your chakras. This time of year is apt to throw us off balance, and incorporating these tips into your self-care practices will be so beneficial!
Next, meet Cassie Mitchell. Cassie and I also first met through IIN and then again in B-School. Cassie reached out to me as she was getting her biz going and we totally connected. It was so amazing for me when Cassie came to Puerto Escondido (where I live) and we were able to meet in person. Over the years, we’ve become closer as we’ve both become mothers and have prioritized holistic health and wellness for our families.
As I began incorporating essential oils into my life more and more, Cassie became my go-to gal. We recently managed to find a time in our busy schedules to meet and discuss how to use oils as a remedy for stress during this holiday season, and how to become your own medicine woman. I loved this conversation and hope you do too! I rarely do calls from home but the time we found to connect (Cassie’s in Hawaii and I’m in Mexico - so the timezones and our kid's schedules needed to be factored in and this call was while Luna was sleeping) so you get to see a bit of my back yard. Watch this 20-minute video for our top three oil picks and uses etc
My friend Nicole had an incredible idea when she came up with the “Diosa Box” - basically - self-care made easy and delivered to your door! These sumptuous collections keep you inspired to pamper yourself as the Goddess you know you are and to celebrate, we’ve been offered 15% off!! Wahoo! Simply entered the promo code GODDESS when you make your first purchase!
Available this month are the following two boxes:
Gratitude is focused on gratitude with a daily journal, cooking herbs, and a few beauty items to nourish face and body like a mask, serum and coffee scrub.
JOY is focused on finding and maintaining joy during the holidays. It's cozy with a candle, bath soak lip balm, honey and a party detox blend.
The promo code works with either a one-time purchase or when you sign up for the subscription. What a perfect gift for yourself! Make sure to check out @diosabox on Instagram to drool over their amazing photos!
I hope this email has provided you with all you need to take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually this holiday season. If you feel the need for more support, make sure to join our super secret Facebook community. Just reply to this email and let me know you’d like to join and I’ll add you via email to the group (you’ll receive an email from Facebook asking you to join). Even though this group is secret and not searchable online, I realize that you might like a bit more privacy. If so, click here to set up a time to chat privately.
Sending you so much love!!
How to stay present through the holidays.
Below is an excerpt of a guest post that will be coming out soon on Mind Body Green. However, since this is a topic that has been coming up frequently with clients and community members, I wanted to give you a sneak peak of the info so that you don’t have to wait until it becomes public!
As we approach the holidays many clients and community members are commenting on feeling stressed, anxious or fearful of what might come up during this season. There is a temptation to want to numb out, erase the pain or put it on hold until the holidays are over.
I want to urge you to take a stand for yourself.
This year - refuse to mess around with your delicate internal balance of hormones. Find ways to invite and welcome natural feel-good chemicals that will help you ride the waves of emotions that you are sure to be experiencing during this potentially triggering and tumultuous time.
Do yourself the most loving favour and make this easier on you by not choosing alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Here’s how:
1. Set clear intentions. Devote time daily to thinking and journaling about that making this change will really mean for you. Instead of focusing on the negative ie “I don’t want to be hungover anymore, I don’t want to feel like crap, I hate being low energy or unfocused” frame your statement as a positive affirmative action statement:
“I am strong and am able to feel all the feels.”
“I deserve to be healthy, happy and whole.”
“I continue to explore authentic stress relief and am able to sleep peacefully and restfully.”
2. Take time to truly be by yourself. When avoiding feelings or trying to numb out, it can be tempting to fill our time with tasks, activities and other people. However, this can add to the feeling of underlying anxiety as it’s another tactic for avoidances instead of really dealing with what’s under the surface. Make sure to schedule (yes, schedule!!) time for yourself DAILY from now until the end of the year. Even (and especially!) during the holidays, grab 10-15 minutes to lay down, listen to some meditation or chakra balancing music, or get outside in nature and go for a brisk walk instead of reaching for that glass. Even you haven’t spent time by yourself for awhile, don’t be surprised if you feel intense emotions surfacing. When one of my clients recently started a regular morning practice
3. Find a delicious, appealing and healthy alternative. Let’s face it - deprivation sucks. That’s why really restrictive diets often don’t work, and emphatically made promises to eliminate alcohol often fall short - we haven’t found an alternative good enough to assuage the feeling that we’re missing out. We are pleasure-based creatures, after all. Have fun exploring the tea or seltzer water aisle and come up with some new creative options. There’s no reason why you can’t still bust out your fancy stemware for your mocktail. Same goes for a dinner out. Peruse the cocktail menu and ask your server or bartender which can be made non-alcoholic, or craft your own mocktail using ingredients you see on the list. During the holiday season - task yourself with bringing a non-alcohol option to parties and wowing the crowd with how tasty it is.
4. Create new rituals. Did you know that floral scents connect us to earth energy and stimulate the limbic system for a fast-track to a pleasurable, calm feeling? Put a few drops of lavender, rose, geranium or orange blossoms on into your palms, rub your hands together and cup your hands, inhale deeply. Place calming and relaxing blends into a diffuser, light aromatherapy candles. Dance. Have a bath. Watch a silly video. Belly laugh. Roll around on the floor and do sensual stretching. Lay on your back and practice deep breathing. The point- find what works for you!! Play around and experiment. It may take a combination of techniques in the beginning to overpower the urge for wine - you owe it to yourself to try!
5. Find an accountability buddy. There’s no reason why this topic should be shameful or shrouded in secrecy. If you already have a best friend you can share with, an accountability buddy or someone else who supports you who you feel comfortable sharing with- then talk to them about it! Let her know this is an area of your life that you want to make some changes around and tell her how she can support you. Discuss your fears and how this person can best support you, especially through the holiday season!
6. “Peace begins with me” mantra: This can be done anywhere, including the dinner table during holiday meals and family gatherings! You can, of course, say this aloud of are comfortable doing so or are by yourself, or you can say the words to yourself.
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Touch your index finger to the thumb on your same hand and say the word “peace.”
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Switch, touching your middle finger to your thumb and say “begins.”
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Continue down the line, touching your ring finger with your thumb and say “with.”
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Touch your pinky finger to your thumb and say “me.”
7. Celebrate your successes!! It can be scary to open yourself up to feeling the pain and to stop numbing uncomfortable emotions. There can be fear of opening the floodgates of self-criticism and it can be easy to feel defeated. This is why it is critical to spend time celebrating yourself! Especially as we near the near of the year - it’s a great time to reflect on your accomplishments, what you’ve overcome, how you’ve triumphed over adversity, the changes you’ve made in the past year (and in your life). There is no success to small to be worthy of celebration. We are so good at being critical of ourselves that it is absolutely crucial to spend time acknowledging.
Finally, do what you can do remind yourself that YOU are in control, and YOU GOT THIS! You can ride the waves of emotions and you will come out the other side - stronger, and with more awareness. Cheers to that!!
Xoxo
