Caitlin Padgett

Holiday Thrive Guide

In many parts of the world, the holiday season is in full swing, and with it, opportunities for excess and overindulgence abound. I used to use the holidays as my permission slip to go “all out.” After a year of hard work, I deserved it didn’t I? Besides, I could always get back on track in January. 

In addition to using alcohol to get out of my head, I also used it as my coping mechanism for pent up stress, familial expectations and unresolved “issues” that seems to flare up during the holiday season.  

The problem was, I often ended up feeling worse for wear. Hungover, bloated, bad skin breakouts, and anxious from lack of sleep were not the holiday gifts I was looking forward to, though that is what I somehow always ended up with. 

Worse, I’d often get sick and spend the few days I had at home with my family stuffing feelings and symptoms by self-medicating with Dayquil and sneaking Kahlua into my coffee. How else was I supposed to fake that holiday cheer?

Over the years, I’ve refined my approach a bit. 

These 7 strategies show that the path of moderation can actually bring the most benefits: the ability to indulge a bit while staying healthy and having a better handle on stress in the process. 

Set your intentions

Too often, we accept the holidays as an inevitable “all or nothing” affair… vowing to get back on track in January. (Isn’t that what “Dry-nuary” is all about?) 

What if you were to navigate the holidays in a way that didn’t lead you to feel like a detox or sober month was necessary at the end of it all?

Set some time aside (the sooner the better) to set your intentions for the holidays. 

How do you want to feel during the holidays? Now get more specific and think about that potentially-triggering family gathering or work party - how do you want to feel during or after that event? 

Get crystal clear on this image of yourself, and then work backwards. In order to feel and embody those qualities, how much should you be drinking or eating? What kinds of drinks, foods or substances should you avoid altogether? How many drinks (if any) will allow you to follow through on your intentions? Create a plan and write it down. 

(I mean it. Write it down - now! You are far more likely to follow through on your intentions if you take the time to get clear on your intentions and externalize them by writing them down. Bonus points if you share your intentions with someone else who can support you to stay on track - aka buddy up!)

Plan your alternatives

It’s one thing to say “I don’t want to drink as much this year” or “I’m not going to eat the whole pie or my weight in candied yams (my personal fav)” but without alternatives in place, these intentions can fall short.

What tasty non-alcoholic drink can you bring to the event? Now’s the time to search recipes and stock up on ingredients. A simple google search of “healthy non alcohol holiday cocktails” will bring up a myriad of options with seasonal ingredients such as ginger, pumpkin, apple, cranberry, peppermint - in a variety of hot and cold options. Remember - pouring it into a fancy cup and adding garnish will make it feel like more of a treat and less of a lesser option. You’re also less likely to draw attention to yourself than if you are drinking plain water. 

Same goes for healthy treats. Bringing healthier alternatives with you to a party or event can ensure that you will have options on hand. 

Start your day the healthy way/ holiday rituals 

Try to stick to your morning routine as much as possible. For me, when things get busy and the season of temptation is in full-force, I know that realistically I’m not going to be eating 100% healthy all the time. And that’s okay, in moderation.  

I’ve noticed that I’m a lot less likely to go overboard on booze and unhealthy treats when I start my day healthfully and with intention. For me that means sticking to my morning ritual of water and lemon juice, green tea and then green juice or green smoothie. Even as things get busy and I’m traveling, I try to start my day with a few minutes of meditation or journaling, and this can be a welcome break to get centered during family gatherings as well. 

During the holiday season, I make an extra effort to stick to my morning routine. It eases my mind to know that I’ve started my day giving my body a boost of vitamins, minerals and alkalizing foods. Taking a few moments to myself each day to ground and centre myself also helps prepare me for any potential stressors that may come flying at me - and will help me remember my alternatives to drowning my stress in alcohol. 

Arrive and assess

When you first arrive at a dinner party or holiday event, do a quick survey. What are the healthy alternatives? What beverages are on hand that are not alcoholic? Go ahead and pour yourself one of those first (or the one you brought). Wait at least 30-45 minutes before pouring yourself an alcoholic drink. This simple shift can help establish a new pattern and take you out of the unconscious routine. The idea is to bring mindfulness to your actions instead of staying on auto-pilot which often leads to drinking way more than you originally wanted to. 

During the “arrive and assess” time period, you may want to make yourself a plate of the yummiest options at the buffet. Now’s the time to do it rather than waiting until you are ravenous or two drinks into your evening. Remember, eating will also help you stick to your intentions around your alcohol consumption. It also helps by giving you something to do in what might feel like an awkward first few moments sans-alcohol. 

Avoid stress

Yeah, the holidays can be stressful, no doubt about it. Family or work obligations, expectations from our significant others, temptations left right and center, the list goes on.

Take stock of your stress management techniques and start practicing self care, now. Book a massage, have relaxing baths, listen to a guided meditation to unwind or prepare for an event - in one word: chill. You deserve it and it’s an essential component of your holiday thrive guide.

Also - consider doing something totally revolutionary and politely declining any invitation that makes you feel anything less than awesome. Is it really worth it to attend every single event, especially if it’s likely to derail your wellness plan, or your mental health?

Peace begins with me / easy tapping ritual 

This easy ritual is a blend of a kundalini yoga practice and 'finger tapping' - an EFT technique. The exercise is very simple, and you can do it anywhere!  Repeat the mantra Peace Begins With Me as you tap your thumb on the side of your pointer, middle, ring and little fingers, in the space between the end of our finger and your first joint. Each word corresponds with a different finger.

Peace - Pointer

Begins - Middle

With - Ring

Me - Little

This meditation redirects your mind, reduces stress and supports your overall well-being by pressing on the different fingers.

Sleep

We all know that any situation can become even more irritating or taxing if we are sleep deprived. Holidays shouldn’t be considered a hall pass from consistently getting enough zzzs. Getting enough sleep with make managing great Auntie May’s expectations a little easier. 

Try to avoid caffeine in the afternoons and evenings. If you are drinking alcohol, remember that drinking more than the recommended amount as well as drinking right before bed can actually disrupt your ability to get a good night’s sleep. (If you are curious about the recommended amount for the evening, “low risk guidelines” suggest no more than 2 standard drinks for women or 3 standard drinks for men 

If possible, have your last drink at least an hour before bed, and try a cup of calming chamomile or sleepy time tea instead. Of course, powering down electronics and treating yourself to a relaxing bedtime routine will also help you unwind. 

What is your favourite strategy for reducing stress during the holidays? What tips for moderating alcohol work well for you? I would love to know! 

In keeping with the theme of “why wait until January” to make changes, I have a couple more spots opening up for private coaching. I would love to support you to start making the changes you want, now and not later. Click here to set up a time to talk. 

by Caitlin Padgett

Holiday Thrive Guide

In many parts of the world, the holiday season is in full swing, and with it, opportunities for excess and overindulgence abound. I used to use the holidays as my permission slip to go “all out.” After a year of hard work, I deserved it didn’t I? Besides, I could always get back on track in January. 

In addition to using alcohol to get out of my head, I also used it as my coping mechanism for pent up stress, familial expectations and unresolved “issues” that seems to flare up during the holiday season.  

The problem was, I often ended up feeling worse for wear. Hungover, bloated, bad skin breakouts, and anxious from lack of sleep were not the holiday gifts I was looking forward to, though that is what I somehow always ended up with. 

Worse, I’d often get sick and spend the few days I had at home with my family stuffing feelings and symptoms by self-medicating with Dayquil and sneaking Kahlua into my coffee. How else was I supposed to fake that holiday cheer?

Over the years, I’ve refined my approach a bit. 

These 7 strategies show that the path of moderation can actually bring the most benefits: the ability to indulge a bit while staying healthy and having a better handle on stress in the process. 

Set your intentions

Too often, we accept the holidays as an inevitable “all or nothing” affair… vowing to get back on track in January. (Isn’t that what “Dry-nuary” is all about?) 

What if you were to navigate the holidays in a way that didn’t lead you to feel like a detox or sober month was necessary at the end of it all?

Set some time aside (the sooner the better) to set your intentions for the holidays. 

How do you want to feel during the holidays? Now get more specific and think about that potentially-triggering family gathering or work party - how do you want to feel during or after that event? 

Get crystal clear on this image of yourself, and then work backwards. In order to feel and embody those qualities, how much should you be drinking or eating? What kinds of drinks, foods or substances should you avoid altogether? How many drinks (if any) will allow you to follow through on your intentions? Create a plan and write it down. 

(I mean it. Write it down - now! You are far more likely to follow through on your intentions if you take the time to get clear on your intentions and externalize them by writing them down. Bonus points if you share your intentions with someone else who can support you to stay on track - aka buddy up!)

Plan your alternatives

It’s one thing to say “I don’t want to drink as much this year” or “I’m not going to eat the whole pie or my weight in candied yams (my personal fav)” but without alternatives in place, these intentions can fall short.

What tasty non-alcoholic drink can you bring to the event? Now’s the time to search recipes and stock up on ingredients. A simple google search of “healthy non alcohol holiday cocktails” will bring up a myriad of options with seasonal ingredients such as ginger, pumpkin, apple, cranberry, peppermint - in a variety of hot and cold options. Remember - pouring it into a fancy cup and adding garnish will make it feel like more of a treat and less of a lesser option. You’re also less likely to draw attention to yourself than if you are drinking plain water. 

Same goes for healthy treats. Bringing healthier alternatives with you to a party or event can ensure that you will have options on hand. 

Start your day the healthy way/ holiday rituals 

Try to stick to your morning routine as much as possible. For me, when things get busy and the season of temptation is in full-force, I know that realistically I’m not going to be eating 100% healthy all the time. And that’s okay, in moderation.  

I’ve noticed that I’m a lot less likely to go overboard on booze and unhealthy treats when I start my day healthfully and with intention. For me that means sticking to my morning ritual of water and lemon juice, green tea and then green juice or green smoothie. Even as things get busy and I’m traveling, I try to start my day with a few minutes of meditation or journaling, and this can be a welcome break to get centered during family gatherings as well. 

During the holiday season, I make an extra effort to stick to my morning routine. It eases my mind to know that I’ve started my day giving my body a boost of vitamins, minerals and alkalizing foods. Taking a few moments to myself each day to ground and centre myself also helps prepare me for any potential stressors that may come flying at me - and will help me remember my alternatives to drowning my stress in alcohol. 

Arrive and assess

When you first arrive at a dinner party or holiday event, do a quick survey. What are the healthy alternatives? What beverages are on hand that are not alcoholic? Go ahead and pour yourself one of those first (or the one you brought). Wait at least 30-45 minutes before pouring yourself an alcoholic drink. This simple shift can help establish a new pattern and take you out of the unconscious routine. The idea is to bring mindfulness to your actions instead of staying on auto-pilot which often leads to drinking way more than you originally wanted to. 

During the “arrive and assess” time period, you may want to make yourself a plate of the yummiest options at the buffet. Now’s the time to do it rather than waiting until you are ravenous or two drinks into your evening. Remember, eating will also help you stick to your intentions around your alcohol consumption. It also helps by giving you something to do in what might feel like an awkward first few moments sans-alcohol. 

Avoid stress

Yeah, the holidays can be stressful, no doubt about it. Family or work obligations, expectations from our significant others, temptations left right and center, the list goes on.

Take stock of your stress management techniques and start practicing self care, now. Book a massage, have relaxing baths, listen to a guided meditation to unwind or prepare for an event - in one word: chill. You deserve it and it’s an essential component of your holiday thrive guide.

Also - consider doing something totally revolutionary and politely declining any invitation that makes you feel anything less than awesome. Is it really worth it to attend every single event, especially if it’s likely to derail your wellness plan, or your mental health?

Peace begins with me / easy tapping ritual 

This easy ritual is a blend of a kundalini yoga practice and 'finger tapping' - an EFT technique. The exercise is very simple, and you can do it anywhere!  Repeat the mantra Peace Begins With Me as you tap your thumb on the side of your pointer, middle, ring and little fingers, in the space between the end of our finger and your first joint. Each word corresponds with a different finger.

Peace - Pointer

Begins - Middle

With - Ring

Me - Little

This meditation redirects your mind, reduces stress and supports your overall well-being by pressing on the different fingers.

Sleep

We all know that any situation can become even more irritating or taxing if we are sleep deprived. Holidays shouldn’t be considered a hall pass from consistently getting enough zzzs. Getting enough sleep with make managing great Auntie May’s expectations a little easier. 

Try to avoid caffeine in the afternoons and evenings. If you are drinking alcohol, remember that drinking more than the recommended amount as well as drinking right before bed can actually disrupt your ability to get a good night’s sleep. (If you are curious about the recommended amount for the evening, “low risk guidelines” suggest no more than 2 standard drinks for women or 3 standard drinks for men 

If possible, have your last drink at least an hour before bed, and try a cup of calming chamomile or sleepy time tea instead. Of course, powering down electronics and treating yourself to a relaxing bedtime routine will also help you unwind. 

What is your favourite strategy for reducing stress during the holidays? What tips for moderating alcohol work well for you? I would love to know! 

In keeping with the theme of “why wait until January” to make changes, I have a couple more spots opening up for private coaching. I would love to support you to start making the changes you want, now and not later. Click here to set up a time to talk. 

by Caitlin Padgett

This isn't me, or is it? Part 2

Last week in the “This isn’t me, or is it?” series, I shared an example from a client’s experience of traveling back and doing inner child work to heal the part of herself that still felt that she “needed” alcohol. 

This week, I thought I would I would share an example of this healing work from my own life. 

I recently went through a break up, and though we weren’t together for very long, I love(d) this person deeply. 

Shortly after our separation was finalized, I started to feel incredibly anxious. I was having trouble sleeping, I was jumpy, it was hard to breath. I would feel okay in the mornings with my morning practice or when I was focused on my daughter, but as soon as I had to leave my house, I would literally feel like I was in danger. 

I felt most anxious at the thought of seeing him unexpectedly and terrified at the thought of seeing him with someone else… This was hard because he lives three houses over from my dad’s, where I am often (especially during the holiday season - I have family members and friends arriving every week from now until Christmas). 

My brain started making up the craziest stories, that he was involved in these elaborate schemes to keep secrets from me, that he had started seeing someone new and other people knew about it and somehow all of these people were conspiring to keep it from me. 

Part of me was thinking - this isn’t me!!! I know this isn’t trued! I do all of this work on myself! I can be forgiving. I shouldn’t feel so insecure. I should trust him. Where on earth is all of this anxiety and fear coming from? 

But I couldn’t deny the fact that those feelings were there. 

I felt like I needed to communicate this to him but I was having a hard time articulating… partially because even having the conversation felt unsafe for me (something I experienced as a child was that it wasn’t okay to express my feelings because they had a negative impact on everyone else in the family, so I learned at a young age to “stuff my feelings”). 

I was also judging myself that I somehow should have it more together, that I have all of these tools and resources and I’ve done so much healing work on myself and have dedicated my life to supporting other people’s healing. 

“I don’t feel safe” I said to him. 

“What do you mean you don’t feel safe?” he replied, looking genuinely confused and concerned. 

It was hard to explain. I knew I wasn’t in physical danger. I also knew he would never do anything intentionally harm me. I even knew, in my intellectual mind, that the reasons for the relationship not working had very little to do with me and everything to do with two people being on two different paths and the timing being off. 

Yet my body was telling me another story. 

I realized that there was a very deep wound being triggered. As a child, we depend on the people who take care of us (usually our parents) to keep their promises to us. Our survival depends on it. When a parent doesn’t follow through, (it doesn’t matter what they say, it’s what they do and how we perceive that as children) it creates a deep sense of insecurity ie, if I can’t count on my parent or caregiver to show up for me, the person whose entire job is to protect me (child’s view) then how can I trust anyone else in the world? 

This happened to be with my father first, then my mother.* Both made promises they didn’t keep, and both made choices that led to my younger self feeling that they were choosing and prioritizing other people over me. With my father, it was about promising visits then not showing up, or if he did finally show up, he came with a series of girlfriends, and eventually a new family and a “replacement” daughter. With my mother, it was her choosing her relationship and partner’s needs over mine, which eventually resulted in me having to move out of the house while still in highschool. 

That deep pain was compounded by the fact that my first ride-or-die true love in highschool was having an affair with my best friend through our entire relationships, and all of my friends knew about it. I found out after I graduated and it made me feel like my entire last 1.5 years of highschool were a reality that was different than the one I experienced. This embedded the belief in me (though I was unconscious of it at the time) that I wasn’t worthy of love, or being told the truth, and that I was easily replaceable. 

Because our breakup triggered this old pain of someone who cared about me choosing something else over me, I literally felt unsafe. I had never felt this in a breakup before, I think because I had never been broken up with so abruptly with someone I was still in love with and had been making life plans with. It was like an arrow into this deep wound that I didn’t know I still had… which led to what felt like completely irrational “this isn’t me” fear and anxiety. 

The pain was so strong that I literally wanted him to GO AWAY. (As if that would “fix” the problem. It’s a lot easier to look outside of ourselves and say “YOU did this to me” versus doing the hard work of being with the pain and taking responsibility for my own healing.) 

When I was sharing my fears with him and he teased me by saying “I thought you were supposed to be wiser than me” I immediately burst into tears. He took it back immediately, apologizing. I know he was trying to lighten the mood and help me ease up and get out of my fear. 

My reaction showed me that this too, was a trigger. This is similar to my client being so hard on herself for over-drinking in certain situations (see part 1 of this post). We both felt confused by our reactions and behaviours. 

THIS (unwanted behaviour) wasn’t US (evolved, mature, “got it all together” women). 

Yet the triggered reactions point to a part of ourselves that does still exist, the wounded, hurt, child or teenager. For awhile, it wasn’t the me of today that was in control. It was 17 year old me, hell-bent on trying to convince myself that the pain was the same as the profound betrayal she experienced… and this reaction was her form of trying to protect me/us from even more hurt.  

When I realized what was going on, I apologized for trying to make him responsible for fixing my pain and for making me feel safe. I know that is my job. It is not his responsibility to heal that insecure and untrusting part of me, that doesn’t believe that the people who love you will keep their promises. We were able to agree on some boundaries and ways to be respectful of each other moving forward during this transition. 

I also thanked him for allowing me to express my fears and insecurities. And he thanked me for expressing them and for being good to him through this whole process of separation. 

Throughout the following week, I focused my morning EFT tapping sessions and conversations with my coach and therapist about healing and reframing the story from one of inevitable hurt and betrayal by the people who are supposed to care about me, to a more aligned story that I have started to choose people who will respect me by telling me the truth - even when it’s not exactly what I want to hear… and even more important, that I am keeping promises to myself by consistently showing up for myself, taking responsibility for my own healing, and not staying in situations that don’t feel good for me (or for my inner child). 

We often ask of others what we ultimately need to learn to give ourselves. 

“I need you to make me feel safe” becomes “How can I give myself that feeling of safety?”

“Prove to me that I can trust you” become “How can I learn to trust myself?”

I also started sharing with people close to me, instead of pretending that I was “fine” and cool with everything. (Pretending to be “okay” was another survival strategy I learned early). 

And guess what? By the end of the week, I was feeling loved rather than abandoned, safe and supported rather rather than fearful and anxious. 

I had taken responsibility for myself, acknowledge the hurt part of myself and worked on shifting that story. I also worked on releasing the pain, anxiety and fear that had been stored in my body. 

It would have been really easy to stay stuck in blame. Or to ban him from my neighbourhood or town (in all honesty, I did cross my mind… and I maayyyy have blurted it out loud to him). 

But the thing with trauma or pain is that eventually it needs to find its way out. This was a wound that I didn’t realize I still had and if I hadn’t spent the time or been able to identify the root, I wouldn’t have been able to heal this part of myself. 

I’m sharing this personal story for several reasons. 

One, to show that deep healing IS possible AND is also an on-going journey. And that there is NO SHAME in that - aka you don’t need to have this all figured out. 

Two, to show the awareness and healing available to me (and YOU!!) when alcohol, drugs and distractions (aka work, other people/relationships, being super busy or going into helper/rescuer mode, etc) are out of the picture. In previous breakups, I’ve always used many techniques to keep myself from feeling deeply or being with myself and whatever needed to come up. 

Three, sometimes there will be surprises, especially when a different part of you is being triggered, and it’s important to stay compassionate and loving towards yourself . To be honest, I was shocked at my brain for a few days and its ability to create some fairly elaborate conspiracy theories. 

Four, there are so many tools available!! Something that I love about about both neuro-transformational coaching AND emotional freedom technique is that they are what I call “yes.. AND” tools. They acknowledge the source of the trauma or pain and then provide the possibly for release and a powerful shift in perspective. We do have the ability to CHOOSE, every day, how we want to feel… and you have the tools to CHANGE YOUR BRAIN accordingly. It isn’t about “waiting to see what happens,” or for “time to pass until the pain subsides” or for circumstances to change before you can you feel better or differently. 

You can take control of how you want to feel, now. In fact, it really is the only thing you CAN control. 

Five, while you CAN commit to this work and do a lot of it alone, I recommend having a team. Really!! You deserve to feel supported as you dive deeper into this work of healing from the inside out. And it’s amazing what can happen when you make the choice to change something, and then have the support system to do so. Just look at my client who I shared about last week. She said she feels like a different person then when she started working with me 4 months ago. 

And I feel like a different person than I did while I was "deep in it" (overcome with anxiety and fear). But I didn’t do it alone. Since deeply committing to this work (and launching my business), I’ve worked with 4 coaches, I see my therapist for our regular bi-weekly session, and I currently have a peer EFT/tapping buddy tapping.

If you’d like to find out more about these tools or to understand what kind of support is available to you, please do set up a time to talk asap!! I have a couple more spots open for private coaching and I would love to share all of these tools for transformation with you. 

Xoxo

*Regarding my relationship with my parents - I have a really good relationship with them now. I have been able to understand the difference between intention and impact, and this has helped transition. I know that it wasn’t my parents INTENTION to make me feel the way I did as a result of their actions. However, I can still acknowledge the IMPACT that certain events and behaviour had on me, both as the imprinting I received as a child, and now as an adult. 

by Caitlin Padgett

This isn't me, or is it?

“It just wasn’t me,” a client repeated to me during her session last week. “And up until our work together, I just couldn’t understand why I kept repeating the same pattern.”

She was referring to her pattern of over-drinking in very specific social situations. 

During the week, and when she’s not with this group of people, she is a successful business owner, mom, wife, has her daily routines and spiritual practice, eats well, exercises, and can drink very moderately, if at all. 

But in certain social situations, and despite her best intentions, she would over-drink. And she didn’t understand why. 

Through our work together, she came to realize that she lacked confidence and was constantly doubting herself around this group of people around whom she perceived she needed to be perfect. Yet she still didn’t understand why these people’s opinions mattered so much to her. 

Over the course of our work together, the answer became more clear. 

One day, we did a visualization where she traveled back in time to check on her inner child. What she saw was an 8 year old girl, sitting alone in her room. Both of her parents worked, and her mom had gone back to school, and this child never felt like a priority. She was always by herself, wasn’t allowed to go play with other kids, and didn’t receive what she needed in terms of love and attention from her parents. 

In highschool - alcohol entered into the picture. It helped her open up, get over her social insecurities, and gave her access to a whole new world of popularity. The attention she lacked from her parents became available to her through boys and parties. Drinking and external validation became a survival strategy for what she was lacking inside of herself. 

Fast forward to many years later, and this dynamic was still playing out, albeit unconsciously. 

What my client felt “wasn’t her” actually was part of her, but a very young and deeply hidden part of herself. So much so that it was creating this inner tension of “I just don’t understand why I’m like this.” Because the “her” of today IS confident, accomplished and knows how to take care of herself. But there was still a wounded dynamic playing out. Once she realized what it was and why, she could then decide whether she wanted it to stay a part of her… which she didn’t. 

Her healing work has included daily journaling and prayer, consciously thinking of her inner child and the new awareness she has, tapping, releasing the intense pressure she used to feel to be perfect, speaking more kindly to herself, being more honest, setting boundaries. 

Understanding the root, or the old wound or trauma helps us heal from the inside out, rather than simply focusing on how the behaviour we don’t like is showing up in the present. Often, it is something that happened because of another person (a parent, teacher, trusted adult or authority, first love). 

It’s important to note that identifying the source helps us know what kind of healing we need, however it is not that person’s responsibility, it is our own. That inner wounded part of ourselves might want to point fingers and say, “YOU did this to me, you need to fix it!!” but doing so just keeps us stuck in that old pattern or dynamic. The responsibility for healing the wound is our own.  

Another way that these “parts of me” show up is when we feel really triggered by something that seems like it shouldn’t be a big deal and we don’t understand why. 

This same client used to feel super hurt and reactive when she was trying to talk to her husband and he wouldn’t look up from the newspaper to answer her. 

Her awareness of her childhood pain helped her understand that it wasn’t her mature self that was reacting, it was the 8 year old child inside of her that was still hurting from not feeling like a priority and ultimately feeling unloved. 

When she started a daily practice of loving that part of herself, showing up for herself and making herself a priority, she started to heal that part of herself from the inside out. 

She was now able to approach the situation, and her husband’s behaviour differently. Even though it might annoy her sometimes, it didn’t hold the same charge. She could also make different choices. Instead of “demanding” attention, when he was clearly focused on something else, she could wait. Or, she could express to him how much it would mean to her for him to look at her when he was answering a question. Either way, she took responsibility for getting her needs met differently. 

She can now show up to a social situation, having compassion and forgiveness for the past self who would have over-drank, and know with certainty that “that’s not her anymore.” She doesn’t “need” alcohol in the same way, because she is not the same. 

She is what healing from the inside out looks like… and she’s getting to a place where she can truly say, that’s not me anymore.

If you are interested in exploring this kind of deep work and making these powerful shifts, let’s talk. 

I have a few spots opening up for private clients and I would love to support you. 

Click here to set up a time to talk. 

by Caitlin Padgett

I choose ME.

I choose ME. 

This is what I’ve written in my journal every day this week.

These are not words that come easily to me (up until now). 

People pleasing, perfectionism and addiction to attention are habits that are hard to let go of. 

A few mornings ago, I sat and cried and cried. 

I should have been happy. Or so I thought. The night before I had spoken up for myself, asked for care and respect, and had set a boundary. All empowering things. Yet it also felt incredibly vulnerable. 

There was part of me that wondered - what if I ask for this and then the person doesn’t follow through? Will the pain of let-down and betrayal be too much to bear? 

When I later said “no” to a situation that would have disavowed my desire to feel special and cherished, I “should” have felt proud. And part of me did. 

Part of me also felt completely raw and exposed and I woke up the next morning feeling like my security blanket had been ripped off. 

Part of me wanted to go running back into that situation, abandoning myself for that temporary hit of validation, acceptance and comfort. 

Part of me felt overcome by loneliness and uncertainty.

Part of me knew that it was the right choice, and that there is no going back. 

Part of me knew that this was an important step in the direction of not settling for less than I deserve (to be treated with exquisite love, kindness, respect and reverence). 

Here’s the thing… all of these parts of me, are ME. 

As I sat down to journal the morning after this happened, I welcomed all these parts of me. I gave each part a page. 

And then I started tapping (practicing EFT). First I tapped on the sadness, and loneliness and surprising confusion that I was feeling. Then I was able to move into feeling proud of myself and the stand I had taken. Finally, I felt an overwhelming sense of love for myself. Love for the me of today, sometimes still in this messy middle of transformation and love traveling all the way back to 15-year-old me who was already abandoning herself and had based her sense of okay-ness on what other people thought of her and whether or not she was “chosen.” 

As I wrapped up my morning practice, the following words came to me: Choosing me isn’t lonely, choosing me IS love. 

This is what practicing Emotional Freedom does. 

It helps give a voice to the unconscious.

It gives me an outlet to express challenging emotions that I might normally suppress. 

It is a tool that helps release the shoulds. 

It honours and creates space for ALL the parts of me. 

I am so grateful to have this practice literally at my fingertips. I have benefited so much from the technique that I have decided to get certified and am currently enrolled in a mentorship program. 

If you haven’t yet joined the FREE “Self-love and liberation” group on FB - now’s your chance!! 

I had a bad cold and then Luna came down with several infections but we are both back in health and I’m ready to get to tapping party started this week! 

I will be hosting one live tapping session per week (to start) as well as sharing recordings and other resources for daily self-love and liberation. 

Here is the link to join. 

Let this be a way that YOU can start choosing YOU. 

Another way you can CHOOSE YOU is by coming to one of two of the transformational retreats happening in early-ish 2020 (what a way to ring in the new year, right!?)

Lucir 4.0, our signature self-care extravaganza, is happening Feb 23rd to March 1. All the details here. 

Shortly after, my client turned friend and collaborator Erin and I will be hosting the first ever QUEER RETREAT!! 

Here’s what Erin recently had to say about the “why” behind QR: 

Two years ago, I met *MY PEOPLE* at a retreat in Mexico. A retreat that didn't look like it was for me as a non-binary human married to a lady, but I took a chance on because at least one facilitator was queer herself (I wouldn't be *completely* alone). I had no idea how powerfully transformative and deeply connecting retreats could be. Not only did I leave the first retreat completely changed from the inside out, but I met some of my best friends.

Shortly before attending my second retreat with Caitlin Padgett and Terri McLellan Cramb (when this photo was taken), I asked Caitlin "What if we created retreats that actually *do* cater to queer people? Retreats where people could say 'wow, this IS for me!' or 'I wouldn't be the only queer person!' And where the topics and activities were specific to the wants and needs of the LGBTQ community?" With her "Hell yes, let's do it!" Queer Retreats was born.

We are super excited about our first retreat in March. I cannot wait to share the beauty of Puerto Escondido and the magic of Caitlin as a co-facilitator and coach with people in my queer community. 

Here's just a little bit of what you can expect if you join us:

✦ Travel to a breathtakingly gorgeous place that is warm and welcoming to queer folk.

✦ Enjoy time with kind, kindred spirits who really “get” you.

✦ Enjoy self-care rituals and practices (including mindset/movement and ayurvedic practices) that have been created specifically for you as a queer person.

✦ Feel at home in your body, unguarded and fully expressed.

✦ Have a beautiful, deeply enjoyable time in a safe, supportive environment.

We want to emphasize that the retreat is open to *anyone* who identifies as LGBTQ. We still have accessible prices and payment plans accessible! 

Message me ASAP for more info on either of these retreats!! 

I’d also love to know - how does ‘choosing you’ resonate with you? Does it feel triggering? (I ask because this is a big topic in our current Redefining Sobriety Online Immersion program and I know that prioritize self is really hard for a lot of women)

Can you relate to anything I’ve shared above? Can you commit to one action for yourself this week? 

by Caitlin Padgett

End of summer update

Can you believe it’s almost September?

Is it just me - or has this year flown by for you as well?

I wanted to pop in here really quickly to give you the heads up that we’re planning something super special for you. 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll remember that every September, I host some kind of September Reset/recharge. It’s the perfect time to get back on track after the holidays, travel, and what might have been a season of relaxed intentions and possibly over-indulgence.

As I like to say, September is the new January… why wait to get aligned with your "best yes?" 

You might also be thinking about starting a Sober September month - awesome!!

I’m sure you can probably guess - but we do Sober September a little differently over here at Redefining Sobriety… You get to decide what this month means to YOU, on your own terms!!

If any of this sounds interesting to you, make sure to check your inbox early next week as I’ll be sending out the info and sign up for our FREE September Reset challenge. 

In the meantime - let’s talk about reverse engineering this last weekend of August.

Reverse engineering is a tool I use to support my clients to get clear on what they want the outcome of their weekend or even a certain night to be, and then working backward, aligning the actions that will help them follow through.

It is so powerful to get clear on the vision of how you want your evening, or weekend, to unfold.

For example, I was just encouraging a client of mine who was a little apprehensive of how this Labour Day weekend would unfold, to picture the “best-case scenario” daily and also over the weekend. I asked her to create a clear mental movie of herself during the day, socializing during their weekend waterfront getaway, then another of herself getting into bed each night and then another of how she wanted to feel sitting down to send an email to me, checking in about how the weekend went.

Based on this mental movie (which is more than just a “picture” - it actually gets inside the feeling), she can align her actions and choices with the outcome that she desires.

Another example is that I’m going to be officiating a wedding this weekend. About 10 days ago, I started having anxiety dreams about how it was all going to go. This is my first time officiating a wedding, it’s obviously a HUGE responsibility, and I’m going to be doing it in both English and Spanish.

What helped for me what to start visualizing exactly how things would go… not only the actual ceremony but the day of the wedding, the preparation, the reception, the conversations after the ceremony, the party, the Sunday morning brunch etc.

I’ve also done a bit of research and I know that in the house where the wedding party will be getting ready is stocked with coke, diet coke, sparkling water, champagne, beer, and tequila.

If I want to enjoy pre-wedding beverages while we’re getting ready, I need to bring my own. I’m planning on picking up some fancy flavors of kombucha and fresh coconut water, for both effervescence and hydration, which will help with my energy and focus leading up to the ceremony.

(If you want to know more about how to apply the Redefining Sobriety tools to a potentially booze-filled event like a wedding, make sure to follow me on Instagram where I will be going live during the day and night and sharing tips!)

I'm so excited to "see" you this weekend on Instagram and to send you more info on the reset next week!

In the meantime, I'd love to hear how you will be using reverse engineering this weekend!

by Caitlin Padgett

Summer Update

How are you? How's your summer going so far (if you are in this hemisphere, if not, how's winter break?) Whether it's winter or summer vacation, chances are you're experiencing changes in scheduling, travel, family visits etc, which all have the potential to make daily habits and self-care a bit more challenging.

I was speaking with a client last night, and we were scheduling our sessions for the next 3 months, and as I was reviewing my calendar I mentioned - "Luna's back in school in two weeks, thank god!"

My client burst out laughing and said, "you're the first mom I've heard say that! But I feel like the other moms I know just don't feel like they can be honest about what it's like having kids home all summer."

You know me, always keeping it real with my commentary.

It's true! I'm excited for Luna to get back to school and for us to be back in a routine.

Don't get me wrong, I've had an amazing summer. Luna and I traveled around the West Coast of Canada, visiting family and friends, and I just recently returned from a work trip to Mexico City. Next week we will be traveling with another family to Oaxaca City for 5 days. However, in the midst of this, I've also maintained my client sessions and last week had to move houses (the boxes remain unpacked). We've been sleeping in different beds and in different time zones and interruptions to schedules. It can take its toll!

Despite all of this, I'm proud of how I've handled my self-care this summer and wanted to share a few things that have really helped me stay on track.

Sleep
Seems so basic but it's really easy to get off track. I've made getting enough sleep a priority which has made absolutely everything else more manageable.

Morning routines
I try as much as possible to stick to a morning routine. This isn't always easy, especially when I'm traveling, however - it makes a huge difference!! Even a reduced morning routine sends the signal that YOU are a priority and YOU matter and are worth making the effort. A sample summer (reduced) morning routine for me includes: putting my phone on airplane mode (or turn off notifications if you can't be completely unavailable), taking a few minutes in bed before waking up to set my intentions for how I want to feel during the day, journaling if possible (the daily 3 takes 5 minutes and is a great way to start your day with gratitude, celebration and connecting to your desires), water and lemon, then my supplements and then a green juice. This takes between 5 and 15 minutes and makes ALL the difference in my day! (message me if you have any question about this!)

Say YES to LESS
I don't know about you, but I used to have the tendency to pack a lot in during the summer. I wanted to do ALL the things!! I've dialed way back and focused on quality connections versus the quantity of activities. I've noticed that sometimes I need to step away before making a decision or committing to something or someone, and ask myself if this is really what I want or is in most alignment with how I want to feel this summer? It's not always easy. For example, I really wanted to be in San Diego for a training this week. I would have also had the opportunity to spend time with some incredible souls whom I love. However, being in the middle of a move and needing to have some stability for Luna and I was also really important for me/us. This also a client week and I would have had to reschedule everyone in order to travel, which I realized was causing me stress when I thought about it. Previously, I would have ignored all of these signs or not taking the time to check in (cue morning routines as a great way to do a self-inventory... it's all connected!!)

Follow the 50/50 rule if drinking alcohol
This isn't the one to one that we usually hear about (which refers to drinking one n/a beverage for every alcoholic one). This means ordering TWO drinks at the same time (one with alcohol one without) and alternating as you drink them both OR if making your own drinks, cut down the amount of alcohol by adding more of something non-alcoholic, ie making a wine spritzer instead of pouring a full glass of wine. This slows down your drinking, spaces out your alcoholic drinks and also ensures that you are hydrating. Psychologically, it also puts your non-alcoholic beverage on the same level as the alcoholic one.

Pictured on left, one of my favourite n/a spritzers made with turmeric, ginger, orange and honey (they also have a version with gin) and on the right, a summer sangria and a glass of sparkling water, which I kept adding to the sangria - both from Coastal Cookery in my hometown of Powell River)

Follow the 80/20 rule for LIFE
I was speaking with another client last night and she was sharing how she was so proud that she'd been able to ease up on herself. In the past, she would push herself super hard and also pendulum swing back and forth between work hard/play hard, and then elimination diets and no alcohol, then fall "off track" again and the cycle would continue. Now she follows what in my Nutrition School we refer to as the 80/20 rule. Following the best nutrition plan for you (taking into consideration your physiology,  digestive health, energy levels etc - it varies from person to person) for 80% of the time, and allowing yourself to ease up for the other 20% of the time by choosing the less healthy options for food and drink. If you're someone who likes to enjoy ALLLL the things that summer eating and drinking have to offer (as I do) - this can be a really great general guideline to follow. Again, let me know if you'd like more information about this!!

What are your favourite tips for the season? I'd love to hear!

I also wanted to give you the heads up that I will be opening up a few more spots for private coaching (Luna goes back to school in two weeks, yyyaaaayyy) so please set up a time for us to chat and see if it's a good fit for you. 

Once these spots fill up, I won't be taking new clients until the new year as I have a busy fall with different events planned!

So if you want to experience a powerful change NOW, get in touch!!

by Caitlin Padgett

Brave Visibility

I was so excited when Kimra and Yasemin reached out to me to me to be on their podcast! It went live last week but because I was on vacation with my family, I was only able to share on social media (if you aren’t following yet, click the icons below to follow on Instagram and Facebook).

Brave Visibility is a platform to prioritize and de-stigmatize mental health within the entrepreneurial space. Healing any kind of trauma, loss, grief is a major step in showing up bravely.

I loved this conversation because we talked about mental health, and the social pressures to drink, and the importance of really understanding the “need” underneath the desire to drink. We talk about how you can reframe what sobriety means to you and how you can give yourself permission to take breaks from alcohol to transform your relationship with yourself.

by Caitlin Padgett

Summer lovin' and find your happy

Summer’s in full swing! (Unless you are one of my Australian/NZ readers, in which case I hope you’re having an amazing winter break!)

Either way, I hope this season brings some time for yourself, to slow down and, be present and connect.

If you do find yourself with a bit of extra time, I wanted to share my latest article with you: Is dating better without the booze? We asked the experts. 

I was super excited when my editor from Mind Body Green reached out to me with this as a story idea. Whether you are currently single and dating, or not, I believe this article is really important.

Why?

Because it talks about something we all crave but often struggle with - authentic connection. So whether that’s connecting on a date, or connecting in any social environment, or at work function, many of the principles are the same.

Being asked to contribute to this article also gave me the nudge I needed to finally ignite a project that has been on the back burner for a while, so to speak.

Can you guess which one of the chapters of my book has been the most popular?

Chapter 8!! The one all about sober dating and sober SEX. Many people have told me they’d like to see this chapter turn into an entire book!

So my dear - things are aligning for this desire to come to fruition.

Of course - I’d love to hear from YOU - if you could have any question answered, on the topic of dating, sex, relationships, communicating with your partner, etc etc... What would it be?

In other news, I had an incredible conversation awhile back with Veronica Ebu-Isaac, for her podcast Live Your Happy. Then, with the end of school year activities and getting ready to move houses and countries for the summer, I forgot to share it with you!

The overall theme of the conversation is about finding your own path (apt for what we do here at Redefining Sobriety, of course) but we covered a whole bunch, including:

How can you choose what works for you regardless of others expectations?

What does it mean to re-define sobriety?

What powerful question can help you let go of what happened in the past?

What is radical self-care/self-love and how can you practically apply it to your life?

What magical universe would I like to create for my young daughter Luna?

What is my special mantra this year?

And more!!

I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this special podcast!

Finally, I thought I'd share an article that I wrote a couple of summers ago titled 7 easy ways to keep your summer boozing in check. The title is pretty self-explanatory so I'll leave you with that - but I'd love to hear which tip you'll be implementing or if there's another strategy that you'd like to share!

by Caitlin Padgett

Ghosting and facing fear

I wanted to share something that I haven't written about before, and you'll understand why in a minute. This isn't about making anyone wrong, to the contrary, I hope this is useful for you and can help you understand yourself more (which is always my intention with this newsletter!)

I get ghosted!

If you’re not familiar with the terms ghosted, it refers to a phenomenon that has become more common during this era of online dating (and online communications in general). According to Wikipedia, the term first made its way into popular vernacular in 2011 and refers to "disappearing from someone’s life mysteriously and without explanation."

While it’s typically referred used in reference to online dating and romantic relationships, ghosting can happen in any type of relationship.

Fun fact about me - I’ve NEVER had an online dating profile nor have I dated online (and gratefully I’ve never been stood up on a date IRL) - so no, this isn’t what this newsletter is about.

The ghosting I’m referring to is what happens when someone reaches out to me, we have an hour-long conversation and sometimes a follow-up conversation, and usually multiple email exchanges. The person is excited and inspired to make a big change in their life, and wants to sign up for private coaching, and then… poof. They disappear.

Ghosted.

Thankfully, I understand this disappearing act and don’t take it personally. At all.

As Jennice Vilhauer writes in Psychology Today, people who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort.

I know this.

I know that it is a form of self-protection, because of… fear.

I’ve also spent years studying psychology and neuro-transformation and I know that fear is quite literally a mindf**k…

In my last newsletter, I introduced this topic because it is so important and such a common theme for people who are trying to make a change around their drinking (or any big change).

And while I can listen to someone share their hopes and dreams and visions for themselves and believe wholeheartedly in the change I know they are capable of making… I’m not the one feeling as though I’m risking everything by changing my relationship to alcohol (though I was, at one time, more on that later).

Our brains don’t like change. Remember- this is our biological imperative. Our primitive brains cause us to fear change because it could equal danger. And our survival instinct would rather bet on the possibility that we are avoiding danger rather than avoiding something that is beneficial.

Our fear invents a story of deprivation and loss… to do so, we look for evidence of all the things that could go wrong: The time we tried and failed... The time we made a change and it resulted in a fight with our partner... The discomfort of trying something new and feeling awkward…

This is called a negative confirmation bias.

This is fear trying to keep you the same. Remember, it is just doing its job.

Trying to keep you safe!

And remember - what could pretty much guarantee our ancestors safety during tribal times?

Being a part of the tribe!!

We crave connection (love) and security… and we need it to survive!!

That’s why these changes and the fear associated feel like such a big deal.

Because while on the surface it might feel like fearing rejection or having a disagreement with our partner over plans for a Friday night, but on a deeper level, our brains and nervous system experiences this fear of rejection or loss of love as a potential threat to survival.

Understanding this, and being compassionate with ourselves (and our fear) is critical for making any kind of significant change.

So, have you avoided something or someone because of fear?

If so - go easy on yourself.

You can even take it a step further and forgive yourself!

The last thing you need is to pile on more shame and self-criticism.

What you can do is try to understand what made you so afraid, and to give yourself what you need in order to grow and do differently next time.

If you are trying to make a big change - KNOW that resistance is normal!

Also, know that this is exactly why coaching exists.

Facing our fears and making a big change isn’t easy... that’s why loving, supportive accountability can make all the difference.

So let’s connect. This week is International Health Coach week and yes, I'm a certified Holistic Health Coach.

To celebrate, I’ve opened up more time in my calendar this week and next.

In addition to everything related to neuro-transformation (which I'm also certified in), positive psychology, and reducing the harms associated with alcohol and drugs (also my career for 12 years before becoming a coach)... I can support you with everything from nutrition to sleep to anxiety to healthier habits...  and guess what? IT'S ALL CONNECTED!!

REACH OUT.

And if we’ve been in touch before, I want to hear from you again!!

Yep, that’s right, face that fear.

Instead of feeding it with isolation and shame, shower it with love, connection, and compassion!!  (If you’re feeling lacking in that department, there’s another reason for us to talk! My cup overfloweth right now and I can pour love and compassion into you even when you’re not feeling it for yourself).

Use this link to set up a call!

I can’t wait to speak to you!!

by Caitlin Padgett