The definition of insanity.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
The quote has been attributed to Albert Einstein, Mark Twain and Ben Franklin, amongst others. While I do like to properly cite my sources, we’ll just leave this one to the internet debaters and focus on the sentiment of the quote… shall we?
Can you relate?
Maybe you’ve had this experience too.
You want things to be different.
You think things should be different.
You even declare that things WILL be different!
And then nothing changes.
It’s where all the manifestation messaging out there gets confusing. You can’t simply declare to the Universe your desire for a different reality and expect it to be so.
Sure, saying and believing that you are an Abundant person, for example, and then seeking confirmation and signs of abundance can be a powerful exercise in shifting your money blocks or blocks to receiving...however, it’s likely not going to make you a millionaire.
Making things different requires consistent action.
It’s one of the first questions I ask someone when we speak for the first time.
Me: “Have you tried to redefine your relationship to alcohol before?”
The answer is usually yes.
Me: “Great, so what strategies have you tried or what did you do differently?”
Hesitation… “Well, I decided to cut back (or stop) drinking.”
Me: “And what else did you do differently.”
Crickets. “... nothing really.”
And that’s how we end up having the conversation.
So many of us believe that we should somehow be able to “willpower our way” into or out of things…
YES - changing our thoughts IS important. It’s critical in fact. As Dr. Wayne Dyer famously said, “Change your thoughts, change your life.”
BUT - it’s only half the equation.
Intention (ie thought) + action = change.
It’s the only way to change habits and relationships (because our relationship to alcohol IS a relationship) that were years in the making.
You need to do things differently in order for things to be different.
Otherwise, well… it’s kind of like insanity, isn’t it?
So how can YOU do things differently?
What is one thing you can change in your daily routine to start seeing different results?
Sometimes a small change can make a huge difference.
I’ll give you an example.
I recently started feeling in a bit of a rut. It was hard for me to feel inspired to write (and I love writing!) Even though I have a fabulous office, it’s a bit of a drive from my house, and on days that I’m not coaching, I like to be able to work from home. Yet, home felt a bit chaotic. I’d spend time tidying Luna’s toys or washing dishes, or couldn’t get comfortable, and started dreaming up renovations for the house. That was on a good day. On a day when I was more tired, worn out, or generally “blah” feeling, I would feel resentful that more of my wishes weren’t taken into consideration in the design of the downstairs part of my home, that I don’t have a home office, blah blah blah.
Somewhere along the way, I’d forgotten that I have a gorgeous terrace. A terrace where I wrote the MAJORITY OF MY BOOK last year. A terrace with a beautiful breeze in the morning and a stunning view. A terrace that I have to walk across to get from the stairs to my bedroom and back.
How on earth could I have forgotten about this terrace?? Good question, I’ve been asking myself the same thing!!
As I mentioned, I was in a rut (in more ways than one and more on that in a bit).
Making this one change has changed everything. I am happy to be writing again. I’m happier about my house. I feel more energized. I even started working out up here and after an impromptu barre method class I taught a friend last week, we’re going to make it a weekly thing. (Fun fact: I used to be a barre method and fitness teacher)
This seemingly small change has had a huge ripple effect!!
Now, getting to the place of awareness that I needed to change my actions is a slightly longer story.
I was in a rut, as I mentioned. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I came back from Canada exhausted rather than replenished. My expectations of myself and what I was going to accomplish with my business in the past year, coupled with parenting a demanding toddler, had completely depleted me. I was reaching the point of burn out and I recognized the signs, having been there before.
And yet, I didn’t seem able to “do” anything about it. I was thinking a lot about how I wanted things to be different but I wasn’t taking action. I was consistently deprioritizing myself and my own self-care.
As you and I both know, this is catastrophic for a mother and business owner in the helping profession.
So I took action. I signed up for a 2.5 day “Sensual and Free” retreat in Woodstock, NY.
I must admit, spending $1000 USD for a couple of days seemed steep to me. However, having made investments like this years before - I knew how important it was not only for the content of the retreat but also symbolically. I was sending a powerful message that I’m worth it. That something that is purely and solely centered around MY self-care is as valuable as any business, home or family investment.
During our time at the retreat, we talked and practiced about many things I already “knew.” After all, I’m a holistic coach and any of my clients can attest to the focus and importance I place on self-care, rituals, healthier habits etc.
But I’m still a perfectly imperfect human just like you. Just because I talk about this stuff doesn’t mean it’s always easy for me now.
I needed to be guided for awhile. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I needed to invest in MYSELF (not my biz, cause I’m really good at doing that).
I needed time away in a sumptuous environment,
to soak a jacuzzi, steam in a sauna, swim naked in the middle of the night in a salt water pool, do a “releasing ceremony” under the full moon,
be in the company of amazing soul sisters 100% committed to my happiness, well-being, and spiritual growth,
eat delicious nourishing food prepared by someone else and with love,
To have the whole bed to myself and sleep diagonally,
To set new intentions,
And of course, to learn to tools and techniques for self-care
That retreat was really only a blip in time over the past year. But those 2.5 days left a big imprint. It’s like a new blueprint for self-love was created and the road map became clearer for me. As you know, I’ve had powerfully transformative retreat experiences in the past. This one was different and I needed it differently because I’m different. I’m at a different place in my life, with a new set of challenges.
Trying to do the same things that worked before and expecting different results was starting to feel, well yes, insane.
Have I nailed self-care in the past 1.5 months since that retreat? Not completely.
However, I feel the fabric of my being is different.
My body remembers how it felt to be there, and craves that kind of loving care.
My mind reminds me more frequently of the desire to sit, to journal, to reaffirm my intentions.
My soul craves more connection with myself, and with other like-minded and like-hearted women.
My spirit is lighter.
And I have new tools for myself and to share with YOU!
My clients and Masterclass participants are already reaping the benefits of my own commitment to self-care, and that makes me happy.
You can bet your bottom dollar (is that actually a saying?) that I will be sharing all of this and so much more next March at Lucir Mexico.
The goal is to create an experience so powerfully transformative that you have no choice to go home a changed person. It will be woven into the fabric of your being. Your soul will remind you of the commitment you made to yourself, your spirit will be dancing for weeks afterwards reminding you of how free you felt, your body will crave nourishment and movement, and your mind, even when throwing up potential resistance, will also display beautiful practicality in reminding you of the tools you learned.
What’s it going to be for you?
Moving your desk, getting up 15 minutes earlier, trying a new class (such as an 8-week salsa dancing class on of my clients is trying out), auditioning for a play (another client who just turned 60 will be performing in a play for the first time next spring - talk about pushing her edge!), or signing up for a powerfully transformative experience - DO SOMETHING!!
As a loving reminder, the early bird discount for Lucir March 2017 ends today. If you email me with questions or are even a “maybe” let me know TODAY and we’ll honour the discount if you need a few more days to get everything together… however, space is limited and we’re already 50% full - so the sooner the better!
Don’t wait until 2017 to make changes, make a commitment to do different, today!
xoxo
My inner child has an invitation for you
My mom recently sent me this picture. It was taken almost 30 years ago - on the “Playa Principal” in Puerto Escondido.
When I saw it, I felt like a missing piece of my internal puzzle suddenly appeared and helped weave my inner fabric together a little more closely.
No wonder I am so in love with this place.
She’s always been a part of me.
No wonder I came here to heal.
This is where my inner child is free.
No wonder I feel more at home in my body here than anywhere in the world.
Just look at that child and her pure joy.
Somehow, along the way, I lost my connection to her. I became so driven, so ambitious, so committed to perfection and to success… the only way for her to play was when alcohol allowed her out of the cage momentarily.
The following picture was taken in 2009.
I was on a retreat in a different part of Mexico, and it was here that I finally was able to reconnect with that inner child in a healthy way. This was a pivotal experience and so transformative that it set many wheels in motion...
I was living on the other side of the world (in Cambodia) working in an incredibly demanding job and yet I knew… I had to find a way back here. A way back to myself.
Within a year and a half I moved my life back across the world. I came back to Mexico to heal, to get to know myself again, to let that child free, love learn to love my body... I decided to stay for a year because, having left my career, I really didn't know what I was going to "do." I just knew I needed to "be" here.
That was 5 years ago.
And I'm still here. Wholly, fully, beautiful, imperfectly me.
Now - my heart, soul, inner child and I are so excited and honoured to invite you to come here too.
Come to Lucir: a retreat experience next March 2017.
Lucir means to illuminate, to shine brightly, to enlighten with knowledge… to light up in celebration.
We will be doing all of that AND MORE.
I’ve come to learn, through my own healing journey and now supporting dozens of women on theirs - that finding true compassion and love for your inner child is essential.
Peeling back the layers and facing the pain, disillusionment, sadness and loss is also essential.
It’s about facing the darkness in order to find the light.
That’s what we’re doing with Lucir. We’re creating that beautiful, safe and sumptuous cocoon for you to go deep and become free.
But don't worry, it's not heavy work.
It's nurturing, fun and playful.
Yes, there will be quiet time for rest and reflection.
Yes, there will be "releasing" rituals to help you let go of what no longer serves you.
And it's also a lot more simple than it seems.
It’s about releasing your duties, obligations, responsibilities and “shoulds” so that you can get reacquainted with your inner child and as such, shine your light more brightly.
Our inner kid, like all kids, needs our undivided attention to grow and thrive.
When was the last time you were able to bring your full, loving attention to yourself?
It’s about understanding what divine and exquisite self-care truly feels like so that you can take these practices with your own personal blueprint to integrate once you arrive back home.
Know that you are ready and you are deeply wanted on this journey of like spirited women.
We’re already almost 50% sold out. We've extended the 15% discount until the end of the week (Dec 2) so don't delay!
All of the info about the experience is right here.
If you have any questions, please email me asap at [email protected].
Can't wait to play,
xoxo
How to thrive a holiday
With American Thanksgiving this week and Christmas holiday season around the corner, here are some of my top tips on how to not only survive, but thrive, through any holiday.
Practice Gratitude!!
It’s called a practice for a reason - it’s something to which we need to dedicated conscious time. Set aside some time in the morning of Thanksgiving to write in your journal. Start each sentence with the words “I am happy and grateful for…”
You may list things that are already true in your life, and gratitude for your future self and your dreams coming true.
If your family or the people you celebrate with do not already have a tradition of going around the table and sharing gratitudes, why not start that tradition?
As my friend Lana Shlafer wrote today “So whether you live in the US and celebrate Thanksgiving or not, I invite you to spend some time this week making lists of what you're grateful for, telling those you love why you love them and spreading appreciation wherever you go.
Not only will you brighten your day, but you'll be a powerful beacon of love to those around you.”
If you are feeling down, depressed or really triggered during this holiday or time of year, try the technique that Tony Robbins talks about in his book Awaken the Giant Within. He writes that even if you do not feel grateful in the moment, you can always ask yourself “What could I be grateful for?”
Make a special plan:
Revise your intentions or your own personal alcohol agreement for the day/holiday. Factor in the time of the meal, how you want to feel before, during and especially AFTER, and work backwards from there. Come up with specific strategies that will work for this unique settling. Do you need to bring a non-alcoholic beverage with you? What time will you begin drinking? How will you space out your drinks? What will you alternate your drinks with?
Remember that YOU are in control:
With so many factors that might feel OUT of your control, with family obligations, lengthier meals, more alcohol being consumed around you, food you might not normally eat, it can feel overwhelming and destabilizing. Remind yourself of what you CAN control and focus on that…
Start your day with intention:
Make sure to follow your healthy morning routine in the morning. This sends a powerful message that you are taking care of your body and mind first and foremost. Drink water and lemon, tea and/or green juice. Take a few moments to journal your intentions. Visualize the occasion with the most positive outcome you can imagine. Focus on that rather than everything that could possibly go wrong.
Take 5 (or 10):
There’s nothing wrong with taking breaks! When we’re out of our normal routine or around a crush of family, we can easily lose our center. If you find yourself particularly sensitive to other people’s energy, it can be especially important to take little breaks. Excuse yourself to lay down for 10 minutes and plug in a mini-meditation or some chakra balancing music. Head to the bathroom and put a drop of floral or calming essential oils into your palms, rub them together and inhale deeply for 10 breaths. It’s amazing how quickly this can reset your energy and bring you back into yourself.
At the dinner table:
1. Deep belly breathing: Here’s something you can do at the dinner table if you’re feeling yourself tense up or feeling triggered. Take a deep breath through your nose, expanding your belly. This activates your diaphragm and takes you out of “fight or flight” and into a calmer state. Hold for a second at the top and then breathe out very slowly, pulling your belly in toward your spine.
2. Mantra for peace: This is a simply and sneaky technique that you can use in any public situation to remind yourself that peace starts from within. You can of course say this aloud of are comfortable doing so or are by yourself, or you can say the words to yourself.
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Touch your index finger to the thumb on your same hand and say the word “peace.”
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Switch, touching your middle finger to your thumb and say “begins.”
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Continue down the line, touching your ring finger with your thumb and say “with.”
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Touch your pinky finger to your thumb and say “me.”
Have fun with Holiday themed mocktails:
Who said drinking less meant being stuck with boring ol’ water? Make it fun for yourself (and your guests) and try some new mocktail recipes. There are really delicious and healthy seasonal options including ingredients such as persimmons, cranberries, ginger, mint, pear, cinnamon, cloves, rosemary etc. I google’d “healthy thanksgiving mocktails” and found some amazing options.
What are your favourite strategies for thriving the holidays? I’d love to hear.
I also want to take this opportunity to tell you how grateful I am for YOU!! Thank you for showing up, for reading these blogs, for embracing yourself and your desire for something different. Thank you for helping ME feel less alone - yes, it helps knowing you are out there. And if you’ve been or are a client or Masterclass participant - my deepest bow of gratitude to you. It means the world to me that I am able to do this work. So thank you thank you thank you!!
Xoxo
The Silver Linings
Last week was intense, I’m not going to lie.
I spoke with clients, friends, family and community members around the world and all were feeling the effects of a brutal and emotional election campaign, whether they are American or not.
The silver lining for me has shown up in several ways.
One, I feel that the results of the election have galvanized my desire and deep-seated drive to show up, every day, and help make the world a better place - especially for women and minority groups.
Two, I felt deep gratitude for the love I have in my life.
Three, one of my dear friends and colleagues arrived the day of the election. She’s Canadian, a mother of three, a yoga and fitness teacher and the owner of the studio where I used to teach dance and barre method classes in my hometown.
She came to Puerto Escondido for 5 days so that we could connect and do immersive planning for the experience we are hosting in March.
I kept feeling that the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.
It was so hopeful and healing to spend our days doing the excursions, visiting secluded pristine beaches, feeling the energy of the luxury house where we will be staying, eating the most delicious food, planning out classes and workshops, and perhaps the most meaningful: mapping out what LUCIR means to us and the women who will be joining us.
Lucir: to illuminate
To brighten with light; light up; make lucid or clear; to decorate with lights, as in celebration; to enlighten, as with knowledge; to make resplendent or illustrious.
Now, is is as important as ever to come together as women.
It is a radical act to take care of yourself, to invest in yourself, to lavish love on yourself, to put yourself first.
It is an act of revolution to choose a different reality.
It is an act of liberation to go deep, uncover the darkness in order to truly let your light shine.
This is the life-changing experience of Lucir.
This is the invitation we have for you - to join us in my adopted hometown of Puerto Escondido, Mexico, at a luxury eco-villa with 12 other women, in March 2017.
You can read all about Lucir here.
We have a very special early bird discount of 15% off available between now and December 1st. (The prices are in CANADIAN and will the the current exchange rates, this really is an amazing deal. We want to make this accessible to our communities of sisters and also have payment plans available.)
If you have any questions at all, do not hesitate to email me at [email protected]
I can’t wait to share my favourite place on earth with you!!
xoxo
One Year Anniversary!
Today is 11/11.
It marks the one year anniversary of the launch of my book, Drink Less Be More: How to have a great night, and life, without getting wasted. I picked the launch date because 1111 is an angel number. Many people associate the repeating 1111 with a ‘wake-up call’, a ‘Code of Activation’ and/or an ‘Awakening Code’, or ‘Code of Consciousness’.
I always believed I was being divinely guided to write this book. In fact, the inspiration to write the book was one of my clearest “talking to God” moments. It hit me like a ray of light coming down from the heavens and I heard God’s voice: You must write this book for women who struggle with alcohol.
This is before I even began studying to be a holistic health coach. I was only baby steps into the transformation of my own relationship to alcohol.
Yet I knew that I was being called to serve in a big way. Writing a book was always a huge part of that.
11/11 is also the day of Remembrance in Canada and many countries around the world. It’s a day to honor those who risked their lives to be of service and to celebrate the resiliency of the human spirit.
The one-year anniversary of my book also falls on what has been an incredibly emotional week for many. The presidential elections in the United States have led to increases in anxiety, stress, fear, resurfacing of PTSD symptoms from past traumas being triggered.
There is something more than just the timing that joins my book, Remembrance Day, and the effects of the election together.
It’s the fact that alcohol is so often used a coping mechanism for trauma. It has been well-documented that veterans suffer in higher numbers from alcohol and substance abuse disorders.
This is also true for survivors of abuse, trauma and childhood loss.
According to Dr Frank Ochberg, “Alcohol is the most common self-medication for PTSD. It reduces awareness, blunts traumatic memory, helps with insomnia, and allows inhibited people to socialize.”
While you may never have fought a physical battle at war with another country, you may have waged war against your own body.
You may be the survivor of emotional, spiritual or physical abuse that told you “you’re not enough, you’re not okay, you are undeserving of love.”
You may have used alcohol to cope with pain, loss and grief.
You may have struggled with debilitating anxiety or awkwardness socializing, making friends, or becoming intimate.
You may have been betrayed, abandoned, heartbroken.
You likely used alcohol to cope. It’s so easy. It’s there. It starts in highschool or college. It allows you to turn off, to disconnect from the negative self-talk, to break free of the bonds and the barriers you’ve created to keep yourself safe in your day to day, to feel wild joy and passion, even briefly. It allows to you forget. It gives you permissions. And it works beautifully for many years. Until it doesn’t.
Until it doesn’t. Until you start realizing that you are slipping further away from yourself. That the control you thought you had is becoming an illusion. Until you realize the pain you sought to bury isn’t going anywhere, that the cycles and bad choices keep repeating themselves. Until enough time has passed and you are stronger, more aware, more resilient, and you are ready to do the real, honest and difficult work to heal.
This book only scratches the surface but it’s a really good start.
This book supports the idea that there IS another way to that freedom, joy and “okay-ness” you so desire.
This book is one of the things I’m most proud of in my life.
Which is why, as a celebration, it’s available for FREE on Kindle all day today. If you already have bought the book, I thank you! Please share this with someone else.
If you own a copy of the book, please post a pick of you reading it, with the hashtag #drinklessbemore #showmeyourbook Here’s an example:
If you’ve already read the book and it has impacted your life, please write a review on Amazon so that others will feel inspired to read the book as well. Here’s an example of a testimonial that was so personal and heartfelt, I cry every time I read it:
"I'm 36yr old and a busy Momma to 5 beautiful children. I found myself drinking a lot in the last 9 months. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I turned to alcohol to try and numb it all. Having twin infants and a 2yr old home with me alone all day, every day is a lot.
My marriage was super rocky, I was extra "snappy" with my big kids. But really I hated me. I started to gain weight and I thought my only solution was to drink when my kids went to bed.
I started reading Caitlin’s Drink less be more, and it took me awhile to get into it and open up within myself. (Finding time to read with twins and a busy 2yr old also isn't easy).
And then about 2.5 months ago, I woke up super hungover, babies crying, infant demanding breakfast and all I wanted to do was crawl under my bed and hide.
I didn't want to be a Mom this day. I started bawling, thinking why am I doing this to myself?? And to my kids.
From that minute on. I started reading more and more. Every spare moment I had, I would pick up the book.
And I would also like to say from that day on, I have abstained from alcohol, not a single drop.
I feel amazing. it's been a little over two months (I honestly don't even know that actual date) I've lost 15 pounds, my skin is fresh, my mind is clear. Not only that, but I've been getting stuff done around my house that I’d put off for months.
I'm enjoying every minute of being a Mom again. My relationship with my hubby is stronger than it has ever been, we are having the best sex ever, and sober sex... who knew it would be so great?!
So all in all, it's the best decision I've made yet. I feel on top of the world.
Caitlin, I haven't even had a chance to write to you until now. My life is pure chaos, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Your book is simply amazing. I'm reading it again and I missed so much my first read. You have a way of using words that speak directly to me and others, obviously. You are a very gifted writer. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart."
I have some amazing prizes including Amazon gift cards and months of free coaching!! Everyone who writes a review and/or posts a photo will be entered (and if you do both or post more than one pic, you get as many entries as posts)!
I know now more than ever it’s so important to share this message and to ensure that those of us who are struggling have as many supports and tools as possible.
Thank you, thank you thank you!
xoxo,
Caitlin
Now is not the time to numb out...
I wasn't planning on writing to you today but as I drove to work, I knew that I needed to. As I drove to work - I felt so strongly that I needed to say: now is not the time to numb out.
I know the desire.
I feel it, deeply.
Where ever you are in the world, whether you are a US citizen or not, you likely are feeling the effects of the election yesterday. I am a Canadian, living in Mexico, and I felt this election more deeply than any other (and I lived in the US post 9/11 under Bush).
As we all know, this was so much more than an election. It was a statement of values, of ideals. Whichever "side" you're on, you care passionately and want the best for your loved ones. The divisive propagated by this election caused an energetic and soul-level angst that is painful.
Last night, as I switched between watching the news in my father's living room, retreating into another room to tune into Stephen Colbert and the other "comedy" channels (none of whom could find anything funny about last night) and scrolling facebook and social media) I saw reference after reference to ALCOHOL. I was grateful that I was in a sober household because I felt that temptation too.
"I bought one bottle of wine on the way home from work, should've got two."
"Pass the whisky."
Stephen Colbert pouring drinks for his guests and commentators, who commented they'd already been drinking in the green room.
The desire to numb the pain, the heartache, and the disillusionment is powerful.
But as with any heartbreak - we know - numbing the pain doesn't make it go away.
It hides it, sure. Makes it feel a bit more bearable in the moment.
But it doesn't go away.
The farther down we stuff it, the most likely we are to be blindsided by it at a later date.
As one client told me last week, she'd been stuffing her pain for so long that it escaped as rage when getting cut off in traffic, or when the clerk wouldn't accept her returning of an item.
Numbing emotional pain can also show up physically - headaches, inflammation in the body, stomach problems and more.
So what is there to do right now? Feel the pain, or whatever it is that you are feeling.
Take what you can off of your schedule, today and for the rest of the week.
Take it easy.
Have a bath. Use calming or releasing essential oil blends. Make copious amounts of tea.
Reach out for support. Especially if you are feeling triggered or traumatized. Reach out.
Tell everyone you love them.
Then get to work. It can be painful to feel disempowered and out of control. Take back control where you can. Start to take action as soon as you are ready.
Volunteer at your church or another service organization. Be of service to those who are less privileged, those who are even more scared right now, those who are fearing for their safety or their future. Staying present and clear will allow your intuition to guide you. It will allow you to start seeing opportunities where you might have felt bleakness and hopelessness.
Refusing to mess around with your delicate internal balance of hormones and feel natural feel good chemicals will help you ride the waves of emotions that you are sure to be experiencing this week.
Why make the bleak bleaker? Why make the morning more painful?
NOTHING feels better with a hangover, you and I both know that.
So do yourself the most loving favour and make this easier on you by not choosing alcohol as a coping mechanism.
I have opened up more times in my schedule next week to connect. I would love to be of support and service to you if you need someone to talk to. Just click here to book your complimentary session.
I also wanted to give you a heads up that this week we're celebrating the 1 year anniversary of my book Drink Less Be More: How to have a great night (and life) without getting wasted. The official anniversary is on Friday (11/11) and the entire book will be available to download for free all day on Kindle! I will be sending another email with all the info in time for Friday.
Sending you tons of love and a giant hug,
xoxo
I Lied
A couple of weeks ago we were settling in after arriving home from a few weeks away (I was in NYC and Luis and Luna were with his parents in Mexico City). We arrived home in the late afternoon and Luis had to rush out to check in on his businesses. He was gone for the rest of the evening.
I noticed one of those personal sized bottles of champagne in the fridge. I had forgotten that I bought it before we left. As I looked closer I realized that the seal had been broken (under the fancy foil is a screw top) but when I unscrewed it, there was still a bit of fizz. I poured myself half a glass, with every intention of leaving the other half glass for Luis. I put Luna to bed and came back downstairs.
Without really thinking too much about it, I poured myself the rest of the glass.
“Hey, don’t we have champagne the fridge?” Luis asked the following afternoon.
“I noticed it was open last night but it was flat. I dumped it out.” The words popped out of my mouth without any forethought.
“Oh, I guess the caretaker must have opened it.”
“I guess.” I replied, with a tightened knot in my stomach.
OMG.
I lied about my drinking!!
With seemingly no reason. Luis doesn’t care if I drink. I’d even told him about the night out in NYC where I drank more than I had in years.
I’ve had similar conversations with my clients. Women whose partners are supportive and loving and non-judgemental. Partners and spouses who don’t care if they drink 1.5 or 3 glasses, as long as they are happy and feeling good about their choices.
And yet, sometimes that little white lie pops out, unplanned and leaving them perplexed as to where it came from.
So why do we lie?
As it turns out, a recent poll showed that women are twice as likely to lie as men. These lies aren’t intended maliciously. The poll found that little lies are usually to make someone feel better, to avoid trouble, or to “make life simpler.”
Is this true for those of us who drink?
In my conversations with clients and certainly in my own self-exploration, I’ve come to believe that many of us are conditioned from a young age to be “good.”
Many of us are achievers or perfectionists.
We learned from an early age that our value and lovability was linked to how well we were performing or how nice/generous/compliant/accomplished we are.
Drinking became an escape from that pressure. A way to release ourselves from this never-ending performance and to give ourselves permission to be free, or naughty, or fun, or whatever we felt like we couldn’t be in our daily lives.
This in and of itself meant that our drinking was somewhat shameful, combined with the fact that many of us did do things under the influence that we would never do sober.
So now, as adults, we carry this imprinting and it sneaks up on us in seemingly innocuous situations.
What do you think ?
Have you ever lied about your drinking or the effects of your drinking? (One client has a really hard time admitting if she ever feels hungover)
Developing an awareness around what our “scared little girl” inside might be trying to cover up with the lie, or what story we tell about ourselves (perfect, in control etc) might be triggering the lie is a great first first.
Second, admitting that the lie happened and that you are working on healing that part of yourself.
Here’s how I imagine the conversation going when I have it with Luis:
“You know when you asked me about the champagne? I really surprised myself in the moment - because I lied about it. It was already open, but I didn’t dump it out, I drank it. I realize that there’s still a part of me that fears judgment. I’m also terrified of people being mad at me, and even though I know it’s irrational because you won’t be made at me, the little girl inside is still scared. I’m sorry that I lied and I’m working on understanding the part of myself that still feels the impulse to do so.”
I’ll let you know how it goes!
This is a topic I’m going to continue researching as I find it fascinating and it affects so many of us.
That’s why I’d love to hear from you! If you have anything you’d like to share or any questions about the topic, please email me at [email protected] and let me know!" for the blog.
xoxo
Meet some of the women who said yes
I understand, it can be intimidating to join a group of women that you don't know.
It can be even scarier to join a group of women that you don’t know but are joining together because you’ve all struggled with alcohol.
As one new participant just wrote to me “Although somewhat fearful, I look forward to the 6 week program!!”
I get it, I really do.
I also know that it can be scary to spend money on something like this.
There certainly are other options available to you. You can stick with the free, DIY, piece-it-together approach. There’s a lot of great info out there and a lot of not-so-great info out there.
You can go to AA meetings or other 12 step meetings or moderation management and download resources online. You can try different options and sift through what you find online and see what resonates.
On the other hand, there’s private therapy, coaching, and treatment centres that cost hundreds or thousands of dollars. You can also sift those options and see what’s a good fit.
Whatever you decide, I encourage you to DO SOMETHING if you are serious about making changes this year.
TAKE ACTION - that’s how you are finally going to break the cycle and truly show up for yourself.
I’ve seen time and time again within this community the relationship between the willingness to invest in oneself (that can be a financial investment or an investment of time or of being of service and often a combination of all three) and the ability to be substantive changes.
You may also want to ask yourself “what’s it going to cost you NOT to make these changes??”
At this point, you know better than anyone whether you are ready. You know if you’re wiling to invest in your health and happiness.
You may just be wondering if this Masterclass is the right fit for you.
I thought it might be helpful to get to know some of the other women in the program - to see what kinds of women are saying YES to themselves and each other.
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There’s the 30-something year old expat living overseas, who realized her drinking was getting out of control and every occasion was an occasion to drink. While she’s managed to create limits for her drinking while out socially, she still struggles with moderation at home.
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The woman who is turning 60 this year and wants to gift herself a powerful and transformative change for this important milestone. She’s been able stop drinking alone, yet finds that in social situations her anxiety or excitement sometimes gets the best of her and she ends up drinking more than she’d like.
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The woman who travels a lot for work and would like to redefine her relationship to alcohol. It feels like a treat and not a "must have" each day. She’s like to get to a place where she feels comfortable to “pass” even (or maybe especially) when it’s offered for free (such as when it’s offered on first class flights)
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The mother of 3 who has tried AA and doesn't believe that “all or nothing” is right for her. She wants to be able to enjoy a glass of wine over dinner with friends AND no longer wants to allow it to drag her down. Her goal is to create a life so fulfilling that alcohol feels like an afterthought.
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The 60+ year old retired school teacher who noticed that drinking was becoming her hobby and she’d become a bored habitual drinker. She envisions becoming physically and mentally stronger, knowing that SHE is the one who gets to choose and take control of her life, and welcome all kinds of new adventures experiences.
Do you see yourself in any of these women?
While their life experiences and visions for themselves might differ slightly, ALL are committed to taking action and coming together to learn, grow, challenge themselves and support one another.
It’s beautiful and I am beyond excited to support these women.
It’s not too late to click here to apply and join this year’s Masterclass, today!!
We’ve added 1-1 coaching calls with me at the beginning and end of the program and as soon as your registered, we can schedule the first one. There will be a new private Facebook group for members where I will be active doing lifestreams in addition to the weekly live Q&A calls. My amazing assistant Maylene will be contributing TONS of individualized support as well - she’s a gifted seer and intuitive healer and has to much to share in self-development. We’ve added more new content to the 6 modules, and have a month of support added after to see you through the holidays and into the new year.
What an incredible gift to yourself!
As always, feel free to email me directly with any questions you have.
xoxo
Questions about the Masterclass? All the answers in here :)
Hi!
There have been some great questions about the group program and I’ll do my best to answer them here. You can also feel free to email me anytime! Just reply to this email. If you are sure you'd like to apply and just haven't had a chance to do so yet - click here for the application.
What is the format of the Masterclass?
You will receive two emails a week for 6 weeks and there will be weekly group coaching calls (on Thursdays). On Monday, the email will cover the topic of the week, the weekly reading, reflection questions and activities to start incorporating. On Friday, you will receive a recording of Thusday’s call and further strategies for the weekend. There will also be a secret Facebook group exclusive for DLBM Masterclass participants. There will be Livestreams in this group and plenty of opportunities for interaction and support.
Where will the classes be hosted?
The classes are hosted online, using a free software called Zoom. This allows for either video or phone participation, and you have the option to use video or not. There is also a chat function. More info will be sent once you've been accepted into the program.
What if I’m in a faraway timezone or can’t make some of the calls?
Once all of the participants are selected, we will do our best to accommodate everyone’s timezone. Last time we ran this program, we had participants from as far away as Manila and Dublin and everywhere in between. If you have a prior commitment or are unable to make one of the calls, you can submit your question in advance and I will answer it on the call. This is also why we record the calls to ensure that you can access the info at any time. And the recordings are yours to keep forever!
How much individual support will I receive?
There are plenty of opportunities for coaching from me during this 6 week program. Each participant starts and ends the program with a private 15 minute call with me so that we can get crystal clear on your intentions and so that you feel supported at the end of the program to continue on your own.
I am available and hands on the Facebook group, you can ask questions during the Livestreams, and most importantly you can ask questions during the weekly coaching calls. This is more live connection than my 1-1 clients receive! This is a group program specifically designed for you to have the support of other women as well - so the support is in a group format. If you are thinking that you would like more individualized support, 1-1 coaching may be the way to go (which starts at a minimum 3 month commitment). If you have questions about this, let me know!
What topics does the Masterclass cover?
This six week comprehensive Master Class consists of six modules and an integration component that explains in simple and practical steps HOW to redefine your relationship to alcohol. It also creates an opportunity for dialogue and connection with other like minded women who bring compassion and support to a shared struggle.
Week 1-Intentions
Week 2-Positive thinking and Accountability
Week 3-Strategies
Week 4-Healthy habits/Health Impacts
Week 5-Relationships/Sex/intimacy/Dating
Week 6-Integration of strategies learned, goal setting for moving forward
Follow up and follow through (one month additional accountability to see you through the holiday season and into the New Year!)
I’ve already read your book - how will this be different?
There is nothing like real-life accountability and support! Reading the book is a great start and some people have been able to make significant changes by implementing the strategies from Drink Less Be More: How to have a great night (and life) without getting wasted. However, this program is designed to take you even deeper into the concepts, the self-reflection, and perhaps most importantly, to give you the nudge to take action. I share many of the techniques that I use with my private clients with the added benefit of having others learning and growing alongside you - which is really inspiring and motivating.
How do I know this is for me?
Wish you could drink casually without worrying about overdoing it and what could happen?
Feel like you need/want to change your dynamic with alcohol but don’t know how or what to do
Hide alcohol, drink secretly or feel shame about how much or how often you drink?
Feel overwhelmed by trying to limit or control drinking on your own?
Have tried ways to stop or limit drinking that haven’t stuck?
Wish that you had support support to talk about these issues from people who understand and have been there?
If you said yes to any of these questions - the Masterclass is a great fit for you!
How much does the Masterclass cost and are there payment plans available?
The paid in full cost is $497 USD. If you require a payment plan, you can choose either 2 payments of $267 or 3 payments of $187.
First payments (or paid in full) is due as soon as your application is accepted to secure your spot, and if choosing a payment plan, your total investment is due before the close of the program.
While there are free programs out there, many will force you into a box where you don’t belong! I have yet to find another option that provides you with so much individualized support to come up with a personalized plan that works for YOU and your unique goals and desires.
This program is an incredible value considering the amount of live coaching and support offered during the 6 weeks and implementation phase. Let this be your gift to yourself to finally make the changes you’ve been wanting to make and to have this be a holiday season to remember! (Literally!) Start 2017 feeling empowered and with healthier habits to help you truly live the life of your dreams.
Why is there an application process?
Because of the intimate nature of this group, it is important to have group cohesion and to foster safety and support. This program is also unique in that we support you to identify your own goals regarding your relationship to alcohol. This means that it is different from traditional abstinence-only approaches. We want to make sure that everyone joining the Masterclass is aligned with the philosophy.
Here is what a previous participant had to say about the approach:
“I really enjoyed being in the Masterclass with Caitlin. She is very supportive as she guides you to make your own rules around moderation. I also loved being in the group with other like-minded women who want to grow and support you in your growth too, along with other fun activities that Caitlin threw in every week. If you are looking for moderation with others and how to have fun without alcohol, then I definitely recommend the Masterclass!”
When are applications due by?
Applications are due by Oct 28th however admission is rolling and we will begin reviewing applications and notifying participants asap. If you are interested please submit your application as soon as you can to ensure your spot because once they are filled, the class won’t reopen until late next Spring.
Click here for direct access to the application form. If you have any further questions, let me know asap! Just reply to this email.
I realized in my last email we forgot to include the link to my "It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to" blog - in which I talk about how different my life is now compared to birthdays of years past. It helps explain my personal evolution from then to now, and why this Masterclass is so deeply important for me - it truly is what I wish I could have found years ago when I was struggling.
I look forward to reading your questions or better yet, receiving your application!!
xoxo
I got tipsy and I'm totally okay with it
“What are you intentions for the night?” my best friend asked as we were primping and getting ready to go out in New York City for a belated birthday celebration for my 35th.
I was slightly taken aback at first, then flooded with gratitude.
“It’s working!” I thought to myself. This life and process I created for myself and share with others - it’s working!!
I paused to think about it. I wanted the evening to feel fun, playful and carefree. I wanted to feel tipsy but remain in control. I didn’t want to have to think about it too much, count drinks or “worry.” In short, I wanted to feel like I could have a great time that involved alcohol, without feeling like someone with a problem.
A lot of my clients have a similar goal: to have a healthy relationship to alcohol.
The definition of healthy varies from person to person, but the idea behind it is always the same - to be able to enjoy a certain amount of alcohol (usually well within the low-risk guidelines) without the negative consequences, without obsessing about whether to drink more or stopping within the limit they’ve decided for themselves.
I felt together and in control all night. I was tipsy but never felt close to losing my grip on consciousness or the beautiful reality and personal integrity I have worked so hard to create for myself.
We had a fantastic 12 course chef’s tasting menu at a hot new plant-based restaurant called “Dirt Candy.” Between 3 of us, we shared two bottles of prossecco over the course of 2 hours, and with a lot of food. We then went to dance the night away listening to Grandmaster Flash at a club in the Meatpacking district.
I haven’t danced so much in years! I drank 3 drinks at the club - gin and sparkling water with lemon.
Why am I sharing these details with you? I’m the Queen of Moderation - and here I am sharing how I drank MORE than I have in 3 years.
Why is this significant?
I’ve always wanted to be someone who could live with intention, who could give herself permission to do the things she had previously relied on alcohol for, who could learn how to manage stress and anxiety and self-doubt and sometimes self-loathing differently.
I wanted to be someone who could have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
My tipsy night out was so different than any other of the past.
Here’s why:
My best friend asked me what my intentions were for the evening.
We kept checking in with each other throughout the evening.
We stayed hydrated and drank lots of water.
I turned down many offers of drinks, making sure to not drink approximately more than 1 per hour.
The night was sandwiched between many other self-care activities that kept me grounded and in integrity, with myself. (If you haven’t yet read last week’s email “It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to” read here)
I stopped at tipsy, which would have NEVER happened in the past.
I now know that in order to have a “free” night like I did last week, I have to make sure I’m taking care of myself - big time.
Otherwise I lose my strength, and alcohol’s power to convince me that it is the answer (because sometimes it is the easy answer) becomes all too tempting.
I ended last week with a retreat in Woodstock, upstate NY.
Nine empowered women, lavishing ourselves in sensual self-care, eating the most incredible plant-based food, a full-moon ritual around the bonfire, naked swimming and saunas in a salt water pool with not a drop of alcohol to be had all weekend. It was blissful perfection and the definition of self-love. I had no desire to keep the party going or any pull to slide back into old patterns.
This is both reassuring and incredibly liberating!
The past 2 weeks of birthday celebrations have proven to me that I can truly have it all.
I spent my times connecting with amazing entrepreneurs, health coaching for Ralph Lauren (!!), hosting an intimate evening with 10 beautiful women on the topic of Drink Less Be More and how to truly show up for ourselves and each other, attending a retreat, and partying like it was 1999 (or 2009, haha).
I proved to myself that I can have a successful professional life, a nourishing and intuitive nutrition plan, self-care that includes both dancing and sacred rituals, an unshakeable “centre,” new habits that have become unconscious (ie I don’t have to think so much about them) and so much more.
When I first started - I didn’t have a system.
I didn’t have a plan to follow.
I didn’t have anyone taking the initiative to check in about my intentions.
I was alone - me and my thoughts.
When I did talk to friends - it was more along the lines of “I don’t want to get too drunk tonight” - and it stopped there.
We didn’t yet know how to talk about the quality of experience we were looking for, how we wanted to feel during the night or the next day.
New York City used to equal Trigger City for me and I used to end work trips and conferences absolutely destroyed.
It took me several years to evolve to the place where I am now.
That is I’m so committed to sharing the Drink Less Be More Masterclass with you.
I want you to have the support that I longed for years ago.
I want you to have the tools and systems that I’ve developed to not only redefine your relationship to alcohol, but to change your entire life if you want to.
There are limited spots available in this next round and I won’t be offering it again until later next year.
Click here for the application and don't hesitate if you feel the timing is right.
If you have any questions, simply reply to this email and let me know.
xoxo