The definition of insanity.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
The quote has been attributed to Albert Einstein, Mark Twain and Ben Franklin, amongst others. While I do like to properly cite my sources, we’ll just leave this one to the internet debaters and focus on the sentiment of the quote… shall we?
Can you relate?
Maybe you’ve had this experience too.
You want things to be different.
You think things should be different.
You even declare that things WILL be different!
And then nothing changes.
It’s where all the manifestation messaging out there gets confusing. You can’t simply declare to the Universe your desire for a different reality and expect it to be so.
Sure, saying and believing that you are an Abundant person, for example, and then seeking confirmation and signs of abundance can be a powerful exercise in shifting your money blocks or blocks to receiving...however, it’s likely not going to make you a millionaire.
Making things different requires consistent action.
It’s one of the first questions I ask someone when we speak for the first time.
Me: “Have you tried to redefine your relationship to alcohol before?”
The answer is usually yes.
Me: “Great, so what strategies have you tried or what did you do differently?”
Hesitation… “Well, I decided to cut back (or stop) drinking.”
Me: “And what else did you do differently.”
Crickets. “... nothing really.”
And that’s how we end up having the conversation.
So many of us believe that we should somehow be able to “willpower our way” into or out of things…
YES - changing our thoughts IS important. It’s critical in fact. As Dr. Wayne Dyer famously said, “Change your thoughts, change your life.”
BUT - it’s only half the equation.
Intention (ie thought) + action = change.
It’s the only way to change habits and relationships (because our relationship to alcohol IS a relationship) that were years in the making.
You need to do things differently in order for things to be different.
Otherwise, well… it’s kind of like insanity, isn’t it?
So how can YOU do things differently?
What is one thing you can change in your daily routine to start seeing different results?
Sometimes a small change can make a huge difference.
I’ll give you an example.
I recently started feeling in a bit of a rut. It was hard for me to feel inspired to write (and I love writing!) Even though I have a fabulous office, it’s a bit of a drive from my house, and on days that I’m not coaching, I like to be able to work from home. Yet, home felt a bit chaotic. I’d spend time tidying Luna’s toys or washing dishes, or couldn’t get comfortable, and started dreaming up renovations for the house. That was on a good day. On a day when I was more tired, worn out, or generally “blah” feeling, I would feel resentful that more of my wishes weren’t taken into consideration in the design of the downstairs part of my home, that I don’t have a home office, blah blah blah.
Somewhere along the way, I’d forgotten that I have a gorgeous terrace. A terrace where I wrote the MAJORITY OF MY BOOK last year. A terrace with a beautiful breeze in the morning and a stunning view. A terrace that I have to walk across to get from the stairs to my bedroom and back.
How on earth could I have forgotten about this terrace?? Good question, I’ve been asking myself the same thing!!
As I mentioned, I was in a rut (in more ways than one and more on that in a bit).
Making this one change has changed everything. I am happy to be writing again. I’m happier about my house. I feel more energized. I even started working out up here and after an impromptu barre method class I taught a friend last week, we’re going to make it a weekly thing. (Fun fact: I used to be a barre method and fitness teacher)
This seemingly small change has had a huge ripple effect!!
Now, getting to the place of awareness that I needed to change my actions is a slightly longer story.
I was in a rut, as I mentioned. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I came back from Canada exhausted rather than replenished. My expectations of myself and what I was going to accomplish with my business in the past year, coupled with parenting a demanding toddler, had completely depleted me. I was reaching the point of burn out and I recognized the signs, having been there before.
And yet, I didn’t seem able to “do” anything about it. I was thinking a lot about how I wanted things to be different but I wasn’t taking action. I was consistently deprioritizing myself and my own self-care.
As you and I both know, this is catastrophic for a mother and business owner in the helping profession.
So I took action. I signed up for a 2.5 day “Sensual and Free” retreat in Woodstock, NY.
I must admit, spending $1000 USD for a couple of days seemed steep to me. However, having made investments like this years before - I knew how important it was not only for the content of the retreat but also symbolically. I was sending a powerful message that I’m worth it. That something that is purely and solely centered around MY self-care is as valuable as any business, home or family investment.
During our time at the retreat, we talked and practiced about many things I already “knew.” After all, I’m a holistic coach and any of my clients can attest to the focus and importance I place on self-care, rituals, healthier habits etc.
But I’m still a perfectly imperfect human just like you. Just because I talk about this stuff doesn’t mean it’s always easy for me now.
I needed to be guided for awhile. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. I needed to invest in MYSELF (not my biz, cause I’m really good at doing that).
I needed time away in a sumptuous environment,
to soak a jacuzzi, steam in a sauna, swim naked in the middle of the night in a salt water pool, do a “releasing ceremony” under the full moon,
be in the company of amazing soul sisters 100% committed to my happiness, well-being, and spiritual growth,
eat delicious nourishing food prepared by someone else and with love,
To have the whole bed to myself and sleep diagonally,
To set new intentions,
And of course, to learn to tools and techniques for self-care
That retreat was really only a blip in time over the past year. But those 2.5 days left a big imprint. It’s like a new blueprint for self-love was created and the road map became clearer for me. As you know, I’ve had powerfully transformative retreat experiences in the past. This one was different and I needed it differently because I’m different. I’m at a different place in my life, with a new set of challenges.
Trying to do the same things that worked before and expecting different results was starting to feel, well yes, insane.
Have I nailed self-care in the past 1.5 months since that retreat? Not completely.
However, I feel the fabric of my being is different.
My body remembers how it felt to be there, and craves that kind of loving care.
My mind reminds me more frequently of the desire to sit, to journal, to reaffirm my intentions.
My soul craves more connection with myself, and with other like-minded and like-hearted women.
My spirit is lighter.
And I have new tools for myself and to share with YOU!
My clients and Masterclass participants are already reaping the benefits of my own commitment to self-care, and that makes me happy.
You can bet your bottom dollar (is that actually a saying?) that I will be sharing all of this and so much more next March at Lucir Mexico.
The goal is to create an experience so powerfully transformative that you have no choice to go home a changed person. It will be woven into the fabric of your being. Your soul will remind you of the commitment you made to yourself, your spirit will be dancing for weeks afterwards reminding you of how free you felt, your body will crave nourishment and movement, and your mind, even when throwing up potential resistance, will also display beautiful practicality in reminding you of the tools you learned.
What’s it going to be for you?
Moving your desk, getting up 15 minutes earlier, trying a new class (such as an 8-week salsa dancing class on of my clients is trying out), auditioning for a play (another client who just turned 60 will be performing in a play for the first time next spring - talk about pushing her edge!), or signing up for a powerfully transformative experience - DO SOMETHING!!
As a loving reminder, the early bird discount for Lucir March 2017 ends today. If you email me with questions or are even a “maybe” let me know TODAY and we’ll honour the discount if you need a few more days to get everything together… however, space is limited and we’re already 50% full - so the sooner the better!
Don’t wait until 2017 to make changes, make a commitment to do different, today!
xoxo
My inner child has an invitation for you
My mom recently sent me this picture. It was taken almost 30 years ago - on the “Playa Principal” in Puerto Escondido.
When I saw it, I felt like a missing piece of my internal puzzle suddenly appeared and helped weave my inner fabric together a little more closely.
No wonder I am so in love with this place.
She’s always been a part of me.
No wonder I came here to heal.
This is where my inner child is free.
No wonder I feel more at home in my body here than anywhere in the world.
Just look at that child and her pure joy.
Somehow, along the way, I lost my connection to her. I became so driven, so ambitious, so committed to perfection and to success… the only way for her to play was when alcohol allowed her out of the cage momentarily.
The following picture was taken in 2009.
I was on a retreat in a different part of Mexico, and it was here that I finally was able to reconnect with that inner child in a healthy way. This was a pivotal experience and so transformative that it set many wheels in motion...
I was living on the other side of the world (in Cambodia) working in an incredibly demanding job and yet I knew… I had to find a way back here. A way back to myself.
Within a year and a half I moved my life back across the world. I came back to Mexico to heal, to get to know myself again, to let that child free, love learn to love my body... I decided to stay for a year because, having left my career, I really didn't know what I was going to "do." I just knew I needed to "be" here.
That was 5 years ago.
And I'm still here. Wholly, fully, beautiful, imperfectly me.
Now - my heart, soul, inner child and I are so excited and honoured to invite you to come here too.
Come to Lucir: a retreat experience next March 2017.
Lucir means to illuminate, to shine brightly, to enlighten with knowledge… to light up in celebration.
We will be doing all of that AND MORE.
I’ve come to learn, through my own healing journey and now supporting dozens of women on theirs - that finding true compassion and love for your inner child is essential.
Peeling back the layers and facing the pain, disillusionment, sadness and loss is also essential.
It’s about facing the darkness in order to find the light.
That’s what we’re doing with Lucir. We’re creating that beautiful, safe and sumptuous cocoon for you to go deep and become free.
But don't worry, it's not heavy work.
It's nurturing, fun and playful.
Yes, there will be quiet time for rest and reflection.
Yes, there will be "releasing" rituals to help you let go of what no longer serves you.
And it's also a lot more simple than it seems.
It’s about releasing your duties, obligations, responsibilities and “shoulds” so that you can get reacquainted with your inner child and as such, shine your light more brightly.
Our inner kid, like all kids, needs our undivided attention to grow and thrive.
When was the last time you were able to bring your full, loving attention to yourself?
It’s about understanding what divine and exquisite self-care truly feels like so that you can take these practices with your own personal blueprint to integrate once you arrive back home.
Know that you are ready and you are deeply wanted on this journey of like spirited women.
We’re already almost 50% sold out. We've extended the 15% discount until the end of the week (Dec 2) so don't delay!
All of the info about the experience is right here.
If you have any questions, please email me asap at [email protected].
Can't wait to play,
xoxo
The Silver Linings
Last week was intense, I’m not going to lie.
I spoke with clients, friends, family and community members around the world and all were feeling the effects of a brutal and emotional election campaign, whether they are American or not.
The silver lining for me has shown up in several ways.
One, I feel that the results of the election have galvanized my desire and deep-seated drive to show up, every day, and help make the world a better place - especially for women and minority groups.
Two, I felt deep gratitude for the love I have in my life.
Three, one of my dear friends and colleagues arrived the day of the election. She’s Canadian, a mother of three, a yoga and fitness teacher and the owner of the studio where I used to teach dance and barre method classes in my hometown.
She came to Puerto Escondido for 5 days so that we could connect and do immersive planning for the experience we are hosting in March.
I kept feeling that the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.
It was so hopeful and healing to spend our days doing the excursions, visiting secluded pristine beaches, feeling the energy of the luxury house where we will be staying, eating the most delicious food, planning out classes and workshops, and perhaps the most meaningful: mapping out what LUCIR means to us and the women who will be joining us.
Lucir: to illuminate
To brighten with light; light up; make lucid or clear; to decorate with lights, as in celebration; to enlighten, as with knowledge; to make resplendent or illustrious.
Now, is is as important as ever to come together as women.
It is a radical act to take care of yourself, to invest in yourself, to lavish love on yourself, to put yourself first.
It is an act of revolution to choose a different reality.
It is an act of liberation to go deep, uncover the darkness in order to truly let your light shine.
This is the life-changing experience of Lucir.
This is the invitation we have for you - to join us in my adopted hometown of Puerto Escondido, Mexico, at a luxury eco-villa with 12 other women, in March 2017.
You can read all about Lucir here.
We have a very special early bird discount of 15% off available between now and December 1st. (The prices are in CANADIAN and will the the current exchange rates, this really is an amazing deal. We want to make this accessible to our communities of sisters and also have payment plans available.)
If you have any questions at all, do not hesitate to email me at [email protected]
I can’t wait to share my favourite place on earth with you!!
xoxo
One Year Anniversary!
Today is 11/11.
It marks the one year anniversary of the launch of my book, Drink Less Be More: How to have a great night, and life, without getting wasted. I picked the launch date because 1111 is an angel number. Many people associate the repeating 1111 with a ‘wake-up call’, a ‘Code of Activation’ and/or an ‘Awakening Code’, or ‘Code of Consciousness’.
I always believed I was being divinely guided to write this book. In fact, the inspiration to write the book was one of my clearest “talking to God” moments. It hit me like a ray of light coming down from the heavens and I heard God’s voice: You must write this book for women who struggle with alcohol.
This is before I even began studying to be a holistic health coach. I was only baby steps into the transformation of my own relationship to alcohol.
Yet I knew that I was being called to serve in a big way. Writing a book was always a huge part of that.
11/11 is also the day of Remembrance in Canada and many countries around the world. It’s a day to honor those who risked their lives to be of service and to celebrate the resiliency of the human spirit.
The one-year anniversary of my book also falls on what has been an incredibly emotional week for many. The presidential elections in the United States have led to increases in anxiety, stress, fear, resurfacing of PTSD symptoms from past traumas being triggered.
There is something more than just the timing that joins my book, Remembrance Day, and the effects of the election together.
It’s the fact that alcohol is so often used a coping mechanism for trauma. It has been well-documented that veterans suffer in higher numbers from alcohol and substance abuse disorders.
This is also true for survivors of abuse, trauma and childhood loss.
According to Dr Frank Ochberg, “Alcohol is the most common self-medication for PTSD. It reduces awareness, blunts traumatic memory, helps with insomnia, and allows inhibited people to socialize.”
While you may never have fought a physical battle at war with another country, you may have waged war against your own body.
You may be the survivor of emotional, spiritual or physical abuse that told you “you’re not enough, you’re not okay, you are undeserving of love.”
You may have used alcohol to cope with pain, loss and grief.
You may have struggled with debilitating anxiety or awkwardness socializing, making friends, or becoming intimate.
You may have been betrayed, abandoned, heartbroken.
You likely used alcohol to cope. It’s so easy. It’s there. It starts in highschool or college. It allows you to turn off, to disconnect from the negative self-talk, to break free of the bonds and the barriers you’ve created to keep yourself safe in your day to day, to feel wild joy and passion, even briefly. It allows to you forget. It gives you permissions. And it works beautifully for many years. Until it doesn’t.
Until it doesn’t. Until you start realizing that you are slipping further away from yourself. That the control you thought you had is becoming an illusion. Until you realize the pain you sought to bury isn’t going anywhere, that the cycles and bad choices keep repeating themselves. Until enough time has passed and you are stronger, more aware, more resilient, and you are ready to do the real, honest and difficult work to heal.
This book only scratches the surface but it’s a really good start.
This book supports the idea that there IS another way to that freedom, joy and “okay-ness” you so desire.
This book is one of the things I’m most proud of in my life.
Which is why, as a celebration, it’s available for FREE on Kindle all day today. If you already have bought the book, I thank you! Please share this with someone else.
If you own a copy of the book, please post a pick of you reading it, with the hashtag #drinklessbemore #showmeyourbook Here’s an example:
If you’ve already read the book and it has impacted your life, please write a review on Amazon so that others will feel inspired to read the book as well. Here’s an example of a testimonial that was so personal and heartfelt, I cry every time I read it:
"I'm 36yr old and a busy Momma to 5 beautiful children. I found myself drinking a lot in the last 9 months. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I turned to alcohol to try and numb it all. Having twin infants and a 2yr old home with me alone all day, every day is a lot.
My marriage was super rocky, I was extra "snappy" with my big kids. But really I hated me. I started to gain weight and I thought my only solution was to drink when my kids went to bed.
I started reading Caitlin’s Drink less be more, and it took me awhile to get into it and open up within myself. (Finding time to read with twins and a busy 2yr old also isn't easy).
And then about 2.5 months ago, I woke up super hungover, babies crying, infant demanding breakfast and all I wanted to do was crawl under my bed and hide.
I didn't want to be a Mom this day. I started bawling, thinking why am I doing this to myself?? And to my kids.
From that minute on. I started reading more and more. Every spare moment I had, I would pick up the book.
And I would also like to say from that day on, I have abstained from alcohol, not a single drop.
I feel amazing. it's been a little over two months (I honestly don't even know that actual date) I've lost 15 pounds, my skin is fresh, my mind is clear. Not only that, but I've been getting stuff done around my house that I’d put off for months.
I'm enjoying every minute of being a Mom again. My relationship with my hubby is stronger than it has ever been, we are having the best sex ever, and sober sex... who knew it would be so great?!
So all in all, it's the best decision I've made yet. I feel on top of the world.
Caitlin, I haven't even had a chance to write to you until now. My life is pure chaos, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Your book is simply amazing. I'm reading it again and I missed so much my first read. You have a way of using words that speak directly to me and others, obviously. You are a very gifted writer. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart."
I have some amazing prizes including Amazon gift cards and months of free coaching!! Everyone who writes a review and/or posts a photo will be entered (and if you do both or post more than one pic, you get as many entries as posts)!
I know now more than ever it’s so important to share this message and to ensure that those of us who are struggling have as many supports and tools as possible.
Thank you, thank you thank you!
xoxo,
Caitlin
Now is not the time to numb out...
I wasn't planning on writing to you today but as I drove to work, I knew that I needed to. As I drove to work - I felt so strongly that I needed to say: now is not the time to numb out.
I know the desire.
I feel it, deeply.
Where ever you are in the world, whether you are a US citizen or not, you likely are feeling the effects of the election yesterday. I am a Canadian, living in Mexico, and I felt this election more deeply than any other (and I lived in the US post 9/11 under Bush).
As we all know, this was so much more than an election. It was a statement of values, of ideals. Whichever "side" you're on, you care passionately and want the best for your loved ones. The divisive propagated by this election caused an energetic and soul-level angst that is painful.
Last night, as I switched between watching the news in my father's living room, retreating into another room to tune into Stephen Colbert and the other "comedy" channels (none of whom could find anything funny about last night) and scrolling facebook and social media) I saw reference after reference to ALCOHOL. I was grateful that I was in a sober household because I felt that temptation too.
"I bought one bottle of wine on the way home from work, should've got two."
"Pass the whisky."
Stephen Colbert pouring drinks for his guests and commentators, who commented they'd already been drinking in the green room.
The desire to numb the pain, the heartache, and the disillusionment is powerful.
But as with any heartbreak - we know - numbing the pain doesn't make it go away.
It hides it, sure. Makes it feel a bit more bearable in the moment.
But it doesn't go away.
The farther down we stuff it, the most likely we are to be blindsided by it at a later date.
As one client told me last week, she'd been stuffing her pain for so long that it escaped as rage when getting cut off in traffic, or when the clerk wouldn't accept her returning of an item.
Numbing emotional pain can also show up physically - headaches, inflammation in the body, stomach problems and more.
So what is there to do right now? Feel the pain, or whatever it is that you are feeling.
Take what you can off of your schedule, today and for the rest of the week.
Take it easy.
Have a bath. Use calming or releasing essential oil blends. Make copious amounts of tea.
Reach out for support. Especially if you are feeling triggered or traumatized. Reach out.
Tell everyone you love them.
Then get to work. It can be painful to feel disempowered and out of control. Take back control where you can. Start to take action as soon as you are ready.
Volunteer at your church or another service organization. Be of service to those who are less privileged, those who are even more scared right now, those who are fearing for their safety or their future. Staying present and clear will allow your intuition to guide you. It will allow you to start seeing opportunities where you might have felt bleakness and hopelessness.
Refusing to mess around with your delicate internal balance of hormones and feel natural feel good chemicals will help you ride the waves of emotions that you are sure to be experiencing this week.
Why make the bleak bleaker? Why make the morning more painful?
NOTHING feels better with a hangover, you and I both know that.
So do yourself the most loving favour and make this easier on you by not choosing alcohol as a coping mechanism.
I have opened up more times in my schedule next week to connect. I would love to be of support and service to you if you need someone to talk to. Just click here to book your complimentary session.
I also wanted to give you a heads up that this week we're celebrating the 1 year anniversary of my book Drink Less Be More: How to have a great night (and life) without getting wasted. The official anniversary is on Friday (11/11) and the entire book will be available to download for free all day on Kindle! I will be sending another email with all the info in time for Friday.
Sending you tons of love and a giant hug,
xoxo
I Lied
A couple of weeks ago we were settling in after arriving home from a few weeks away (I was in NYC and Luis and Luna were with his parents in Mexico City). We arrived home in the late afternoon and Luis had to rush out to check in on his businesses. He was gone for the rest of the evening.
I noticed one of those personal sized bottles of champagne in the fridge. I had forgotten that I bought it before we left. As I looked closer I realized that the seal had been broken (under the fancy foil is a screw top) but when I unscrewed it, there was still a bit of fizz. I poured myself half a glass, with every intention of leaving the other half glass for Luis. I put Luna to bed and came back downstairs.
Without really thinking too much about it, I poured myself the rest of the glass.
“Hey, don’t we have champagne the fridge?” Luis asked the following afternoon.
“I noticed it was open last night but it was flat. I dumped it out.” The words popped out of my mouth without any forethought.
“Oh, I guess the caretaker must have opened it.”
“I guess.” I replied, with a tightened knot in my stomach.
OMG.
I lied about my drinking!!
With seemingly no reason. Luis doesn’t care if I drink. I’d even told him about the night out in NYC where I drank more than I had in years.
I’ve had similar conversations with my clients. Women whose partners are supportive and loving and non-judgemental. Partners and spouses who don’t care if they drink 1.5 or 3 glasses, as long as they are happy and feeling good about their choices.
And yet, sometimes that little white lie pops out, unplanned and leaving them perplexed as to where it came from.
So why do we lie?
As it turns out, a recent poll showed that women are twice as likely to lie as men. These lies aren’t intended maliciously. The poll found that little lies are usually to make someone feel better, to avoid trouble, or to “make life simpler.”
Is this true for those of us who drink?
In my conversations with clients and certainly in my own self-exploration, I’ve come to believe that many of us are conditioned from a young age to be “good.”
Many of us are achievers or perfectionists.
We learned from an early age that our value and lovability was linked to how well we were performing or how nice/generous/compliant/accomplished we are.
Drinking became an escape from that pressure. A way to release ourselves from this never-ending performance and to give ourselves permission to be free, or naughty, or fun, or whatever we felt like we couldn’t be in our daily lives.
This in and of itself meant that our drinking was somewhat shameful, combined with the fact that many of us did do things under the influence that we would never do sober.
So now, as adults, we carry this imprinting and it sneaks up on us in seemingly innocuous situations.
What do you think ?
Have you ever lied about your drinking or the effects of your drinking? (One client has a really hard time admitting if she ever feels hungover)
Developing an awareness around what our “scared little girl” inside might be trying to cover up with the lie, or what story we tell about ourselves (perfect, in control etc) might be triggering the lie is a great first first.
Second, admitting that the lie happened and that you are working on healing that part of yourself.
Here’s how I imagine the conversation going when I have it with Luis:
“You know when you asked me about the champagne? I really surprised myself in the moment - because I lied about it. It was already open, but I didn’t dump it out, I drank it. I realize that there’s still a part of me that fears judgment. I’m also terrified of people being mad at me, and even though I know it’s irrational because you won’t be made at me, the little girl inside is still scared. I’m sorry that I lied and I’m working on understanding the part of myself that still feels the impulse to do so.”
I’ll let you know how it goes!
This is a topic I’m going to continue researching as I find it fascinating and it affects so many of us.
That’s why I’d love to hear from you! If you have anything you’d like to share or any questions about the topic, please email me at [email protected] and let me know!" for the blog.
xoxo
I got tipsy and I'm totally okay with it
“What are you intentions for the night?” my best friend asked as we were primping and getting ready to go out in New York City for a belated birthday celebration for my 35th.
I was slightly taken aback at first, then flooded with gratitude.
“It’s working!” I thought to myself. This life and process I created for myself and share with others - it’s working!!
I paused to think about it. I wanted the evening to feel fun, playful and carefree. I wanted to feel tipsy but remain in control. I didn’t want to have to think about it too much, count drinks or “worry.” In short, I wanted to feel like I could have a great time that involved alcohol, without feeling like someone with a problem.
A lot of my clients have a similar goal: to have a healthy relationship to alcohol.
The definition of healthy varies from person to person, but the idea behind it is always the same - to be able to enjoy a certain amount of alcohol (usually well within the low-risk guidelines) without the negative consequences, without obsessing about whether to drink more or stopping within the limit they’ve decided for themselves.
I felt together and in control all night. I was tipsy but never felt close to losing my grip on consciousness or the beautiful reality and personal integrity I have worked so hard to create for myself.
We had a fantastic 12 course chef’s tasting menu at a hot new plant-based restaurant called “Dirt Candy.” Between 3 of us, we shared two bottles of prossecco over the course of 2 hours, and with a lot of food. We then went to dance the night away listening to Grandmaster Flash at a club in the Meatpacking district.
I haven’t danced so much in years! I drank 3 drinks at the club - gin and sparkling water with lemon.
Why am I sharing these details with you? I’m the Queen of Moderation - and here I am sharing how I drank MORE than I have in 3 years.
Why is this significant?
I’ve always wanted to be someone who could live with intention, who could give herself permission to do the things she had previously relied on alcohol for, who could learn how to manage stress and anxiety and self-doubt and sometimes self-loathing differently.
I wanted to be someone who could have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
My tipsy night out was so different than any other of the past.
Here’s why:
My best friend asked me what my intentions were for the evening.
We kept checking in with each other throughout the evening.
We stayed hydrated and drank lots of water.
I turned down many offers of drinks, making sure to not drink approximately more than 1 per hour.
The night was sandwiched between many other self-care activities that kept me grounded and in integrity, with myself. (If you haven’t yet read last week’s email “It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to” read here)
I stopped at tipsy, which would have NEVER happened in the past.
I now know that in order to have a “free” night like I did last week, I have to make sure I’m taking care of myself - big time.
Otherwise I lose my strength, and alcohol’s power to convince me that it is the answer (because sometimes it is the easy answer) becomes all too tempting.
I ended last week with a retreat in Woodstock, upstate NY.
Nine empowered women, lavishing ourselves in sensual self-care, eating the most incredible plant-based food, a full-moon ritual around the bonfire, naked swimming and saunas in a salt water pool with not a drop of alcohol to be had all weekend. It was blissful perfection and the definition of self-love. I had no desire to keep the party going or any pull to slide back into old patterns.
This is both reassuring and incredibly liberating!
The past 2 weeks of birthday celebrations have proven to me that I can truly have it all.
I spent my times connecting with amazing entrepreneurs, health coaching for Ralph Lauren (!!), hosting an intimate evening with 10 beautiful women on the topic of Drink Less Be More and how to truly show up for ourselves and each other, attending a retreat, and partying like it was 1999 (or 2009, haha).
I proved to myself that I can have a successful professional life, a nourishing and intuitive nutrition plan, self-care that includes both dancing and sacred rituals, an unshakeable “centre,” new habits that have become unconscious (ie I don’t have to think so much about them) and so much more.
When I first started - I didn’t have a system.
I didn’t have a plan to follow.
I didn’t have anyone taking the initiative to check in about my intentions.
I was alone - me and my thoughts.
When I did talk to friends - it was more along the lines of “I don’t want to get too drunk tonight” - and it stopped there.
We didn’t yet know how to talk about the quality of experience we were looking for, how we wanted to feel during the night or the next day.
New York City used to equal Trigger City for me and I used to end work trips and conferences absolutely destroyed.
It took me several years to evolve to the place where I am now.
That is I’m so committed to sharing the Drink Less Be More Masterclass with you.
I want you to have the support that I longed for years ago.
I want you to have the tools and systems that I’ve developed to not only redefine your relationship to alcohol, but to change your entire life if you want to.
There are limited spots available in this next round and I won’t be offering it again until later next year.
Click here for the application and don't hesitate if you feel the timing is right.
If you have any questions, simply reply to this email and let me know.
xoxo
It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To
Crying tears of happiness, that is! I am seriously so grateful and full of love that it is squeezing out of me and dripping down my face.
This certainly wasn't always the case on my birthday.
Many are a blur, others ended up in horrific fights or missed days of work the next day that led to shame-filled meltdowns.
6 years ago we received numerous noise complaints at the hotel suite we rented, and the next day had to do the walk of shame, eyes shielded from the hot Cambodian sun and the piercing glare of other hotel guests as they loudly deplored us for "ruining their night"
5 years ago I woke up the day after my birthday with a giant goose egg on my forehead, from taking a head-dive directly onto the concrete
4 years ago I passed out after drinking too much absinthe
And just over 3 years ago, a few weeks before my 32nd birthday, I had that innocent girls night that turned into a wild one, where I woke up the next day and declared "I'm never getting drunk again"
I can't say that the next birthdays were all of a sudden amazing, simply because I wasn't wasted or getting blackout drunk
I was still trying to figure it out
I was also pregnant for one of those birthdays and so in my mind it "doesn't really count"
And now, I just turned 35 years old in in New York City.
Last week, I spent a full day doing health consultations at Ralph Lauren's HQ in Manhattan. I then relaxed in my friend's gorgeous apartment overlooking the east river.
I then headed to a luxe conference called Forefront, which is all about living the Rich Life. Rich in experiences, rich in relationships, rich in quality of life. I was be one of 500 who showed up ready to do the work to live a most fulfilling life. Ready to take charge of our lives and businesses and get clear on what a rich life means.
We met, we discussed and we learned from experts like Ramit Sethi (super online whiz and connector) and Daymond John (NYT bestselling author and one of the Sharks on Shark Tank - whose personal story is so inspiring and gave one of the best talks I’ve ever seen in my life!).
Friday night I danced at an open bar cocktail reception, with only a half glass of wine turned into a spritzer on my actual birthday. There's a video of my fake drunk dancing on Instagram which I think is pretty awesome. And here's a photo of a very bright eyed and satisfied me, back in my hotel room revelling my day.
The next night we were on a boat cruise on the Hudson river the breathtaking view of the Manhattan cityscape and the Lady Liberty beaming down at us. I also danced my ass off on the cruise. I had one gin and soda and after that I was pretty much oblivious to the copious amounts of alcohol flowing from the open bar (the only issue really was that I noticed how drunk other people seemed to need to be in order to allow themselves to have as much fun as I was having sober).
After the conference ended on Sunday, the conversation and connection continued with a lovely Italian dinner where I drank a glass of prosecco. We had planned to go out dancing but everyone seemed more content to spend time with each other in the hotel lobby.
There were definitely moments where I experienced a tad of FOMO (fear of missing out). Both Friday and Saturday night after the reception and boat cruise, the party train continued and I was invited to hop on.
Yet being sober and able to totally listen to my body, I realized how tired I was and that it wasn’t the best choice for me. It wasn’t always easy in the moment to say YES to my best yes, but as soon as I was tucked into bed with my tea and my oils, I was grateful. I certainly was grateful the next day when I bounded out of bed with energy and felt how easy it was to focus on the amazing content of the conference, while others were clearly nursing hangovers and rallying their energy just to be able to concentrate.
So yeah, tears of gratitude are streaming down my face. It is amazing to me how magical my life because once I truly got out of my own way and stopped sabotaging myself. While I had achieved a lot of external success before - I was misaligned and suffering on the inside.
I am so grateful that I have learned that there could be another way. Not only in living my life, but in my relationship to alcohol. Even when my drinking was at its worse, I intuitively knew that a life of total abstinence wasn't for me.
I now have an incredible and fulfilling career as a self-employed entrepreneur, a best-selling book, a house in Mexico and a precious family, and I can enjoy an occasional glass of wine or bubbly without obsessing about more or fear of spiralling out of control... all things that felt like a distant dream 5 years ago, when I literally crashed and burned my way out of my former career and life. This hasn’t all come “easy” - it’s been a ton of work and continues to be - yet as I realized this past week, I am already living a “rich life.”
I love how healthy, strong, clear and present I am now. I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything. I used to party my way through conferences and as a result, everything is a blur. Now I celebrate the quality connections, the energy I have, and most important, how comfortable I feel being me.
I also have tremendous love and compassion for the past Caitlin. The Caitlin that woke up banged and bruised, the Caitlin who loved to be the life of the party and was always the last one to leave, the Caitlin whose pain and shame stayed carefully buried behind booze and false bravado, the Caitlin who wanted to do better for herself but just couldn’t figure out how for so many years.
I love her. She is me and I wouldn’t be here, writing this email to you, if it weren’t for our journey.
I’ve also realized that me of today was always inside past Caitlin. I just wasn’t listening to her. I was afraid of her sometimes, afraid of what might change. Afraid of cracking open and afraid of truly changing.
Your ideal YOU is already inside of you too. You’ve heard her whispering to you. You’ve started listening, which is why you are reading these words right now.
One of the biggest lessons for me from the past few years was that it takes a village. I wouldn’t have been able to do this alone, and neither should you.
It was also one of the key takeaways for me from this weekend. It is so important to have a tribe, a group of people who see you, celebrate you, honour your dreams and desires, support you to keep moving through challenges, learning and growing.
That is why I’ve created the Drink Less Be More Masterclass.
Because if you keep doing the same thing, spending all your time with the same people, and yet expecting different results - well, that’s crazy making.
If you know you are stuck in a demoralizing cycle and you want to interrupt that pattern - this is for you.
If know how much more is possible for you if you could truly honour your ‘best yes’ - this is for you.
If you long for a tribe of women who really see you, love you and are there to lift you up - this is for you.
If you are ready to redefine your relationship to alcohol once and for all - this is definitely for you.
In fact, I know of no other experience like this out there. Which is why I created it. But don't just take it from me, here is some of what the first participants were saying:
“It's beautiful to work through this process in an environment with people who understand, have had their own ups and downs with alcohol and who don't judge.”
“This could be a life changing class for so many people. I loved how real you are Caitlin and the support of listening to the others in the class was priceless”
I am giving you the strategy, systems, community and support I wish I had had access to 5 years ago when I was slip sliding towards bottom, or even 3 years ago when I was finally trying to make some changes but had to figure it all out on my own.
The 6-week Drink Less Be More Masterclass includes the very best of what I’ve learned and implemented for myself and my clients over the past 3 years, including intentions, positive mindset and accountability, solid strategies that work for YOU, healthy habits/healthy impact, relationships/dating and intimacy, implementation and weekly personalized attention, support, and group calls.
This intimate group experience is by application only. Because I am so excited to share this resource with every woman who needs it at this moment in her life, I will be launching more broadly later this week when the sales page goes up. For now, I wanted to make sure you had the info to secure your spot asap.
Will you make this your year? Are you ready? If so, I’d love for you to join us!
xoxo
Brain Summit
Happy Monday !!
I have a question for you.
It might be one that you don't want to answer, but it's an important one nonetheless.
Do you ever wonder how healthy your brain is?
Or what damaged may have been caused by all of the drinking?
I know this what something that weighed heavily on me for years. All the blackouts, missed memories, brain cells flushed down the drain... it used to cause me a lot of stress and anxiety thinking about how much I may have messed up my brain.
Now, I've worked hard over the years to literally chance my mindset AND my mental health. A big part of that is getting informed and learning what I can do to improve my mental health - by what I eat, how well I sleep, what kind of thoughts I have, and more.
Taking action helps me feel empowered that I can control my current mental wellness and even reverse the effects of previous damage.
That's why I'm absolutely thrilled to be joining 30 other expects in brain performance and health for the first ever Female Brain Summit. The online event is completely free for you and packed with amazing info. The event starts today and interviews will be rolling out between now and the 10th. You don't want to miss this valuable content!
I also wanted to let you know about an amazing conversation I had with my friend Christine Hansen, who is the creator of "Sleep like a Boss" podcast.
I share a lot that I haven't shared on a podcast before, like how I was dependent on sleeping pills and using some in same dangerous combination as Heath Ledger when he died, how I used to brag about how little I slept (and why I find that totally unattractive now), and how it takes a lot of faith to create your "new normal."
This is also a topic that totally relates to your brain health - so why don't you start October with a bang and focus on your brain!! I can't wait to hear what you think of the summit and the podcast.
xoxo
Top 5 lessons learned
Happy weekend!
As you may have read in Monday's update, It's been three years since I stopped drinking to get drunk, to escape, disappear, numb out, etc...
Yesterday I recorded a video call that highlight's the top 5 lessons learned from my last 3 years, and they might come as a surprise to you.
Topics I cover include:
- Why I couldn't make any significant change until I created a positive vision for myself
- How mindfulness begets mindlessness (aka why you first need to think more in order to not have to think about alcohol so much in the future)
- It gets harder before it gets easier!! (something that definitely came as a shocker to me)
- Why truly facing the fear is so completely freeing
- I could never have done this alone (and neither should you)
- A special invitation for YOU
The video is only 35 minutes long, and I recommend you watch the whole thing for the lessons I learned along this journey, but in case you are dying to know that the special invitation is - drumroll please....
We are launching our first official Drink Less Be More Group Program!!
I am SO excited.
The reviews from the participants beta course in the spring were amazing, and we all learned a lot.
We've been incorporating the feedback and fine-tuning to make a super valuable, high impact, actionable, and incredibly supportive 6 week program, which will launch in the beginning of November.
As we are putting the finishing touches on the program, I want to hear from YOU!
Are you interested in joining a group program? If yes, what would you like to experience or learn from a group program? What kind of support or information would be helpful to you?
It would be amazing if you could reply to this email and let me know!! I'm really looking forward to your feedback.
xoxo
